To summarize: My personal finances should be in pretty good order but otherwise I don't have much going for me. I'd be one of those Japanese hikikomori if I didn't have a job. I've been neglecting other aspects of life and am now having a mid-life crisis. How do I "get a life" when I don't have much interest in anything?
Some background. Due to growing up poor, being constantly depressed/unmotivated, and anxiety, my decisions in life have ended up being focused on becoming self-sufficient and not causing trouble for others to avoid bothersome situations for myself. The end result is a 33 year old virgin male (asian) living with his mother. I have never been in a relationship nor have had any female friends. I have few male friends (none that live in the same state anymore) that have, in recent years, become more distant due to getting married. I don't go out much and spend most of my free time at home consisting of mostly random browsing on the computer (hi reddit), sleep, anime, and games (mostly JRPG).
Before you think I'm a mooch living off my parents; it is actually the opposite. I pay for everything and have been since I graduated from college and got a job. I funneled my early paychecks into my student loans but mostly my mother's debts (mortgage, credit card, etc) that had accrued before I started working. Mother does not work nor does she have any savings or retirement.
On the bright side, I have a stable job in a nice work environment. On the down side, I live in NYC so tax takes a good chunk out and my commute is an hour long.
Current Stats
Job & Income
- 140K (6K a month take home after taxes, FSA, transit, 401k, etc)
- Hours 9 to 6 + 1 hour commute = 8 to 7
- Contributing maximum to 401k and Roth IRA (backdoor)
Assets
- 300K in checking/savings accounts (0.9% to 1%)
- 150K in 401K and Roth IRA - index funds and bonds
- 100K in trading accounts
- Mother's apartment is owned, no mortgage
- No debt
- ~800 credit score
Monthly Expenses
- 600 apartment maintenance
- 100-200 electricity and gas depending on season and temperature
- 15 landline
- 500-1000 mother's food, groceries, laundry, etc
- 90 cell phone
- 55 internet
- 500 food
So I got the usual advice of emergency fund, pay off debt, retirement funds, and index funds covered already.
I imagine attempting to date will probably end in failure but I plan to give online dating a try. But it's pretty hard to sell myself...
- Low confidence, pessimistic, unmotivated, self-deprecating, feels like everything in life is pointless
- Fear that everyone is a dirty lying cheat trying to screw everyone else (oh the irony of asking for advice online)
- Average (or below?) appearance for the most part? average height. not skinny, not obese, but closing in on overweight. no muscles. oily. small asian penis.
- Quiet guy that disappears into the background.
- Lack of any mainstream activities makes chatting hard (tech, anime, and games). Talking to someone I'm not close to usually ends up with a lot of awkward silence. Too ashamed to be public about anime. When in groups of 3 or more, I usually end up not saying anything the entire time.
- Willing to try anything once but usually end up not feeling one way or another about it
- (If you're wondering how I'm still employed and not creeping out everyone, I'm friendly and polite when someone speaks with me and don't have problems talking about work related stuff. It's just personal topics that end up in awkward silence or killed since I have nothing to add to the conversation!)
- No social media accounts.
- No close friends or family. Having no relationships at this age is going to make them raise some alerts...
- No car and can't drive
- Don't drink or smoke but health declining with age
- 33 and living with mother (not going to get anyone wet like that!)
The next step I'd like to take is moving out. At this point, I feel like I've saved up enough money to move out. Or rather I should have moved out earlier but lacked the drive and motivation as well as the desire to save money and the fear/uncertainty that I'll hate the new place as much as I do my current one resulting in wasting money for no reason have kept me from doing so. But I'm at the limit of my patience with dealing with my mother and want to get out now. She'll also start getting benefits soon.
I'm thinking of renting first rather than buying. To shorten my commute I'd be looking around midtown Manhattan. At first I was looking at the surrounding boroughs but it feels like the prices have been jacked up lately that it's almost the same as Manhattan so I figured I might as well?
I would still have to cover my mother's expenses so I expect moving would change my expenses to: My Monthly
- 3000 rent
- 100-200 electricity & utilities
- 55 internet
- 90 phone
- 40 laundry
- 1000 food, groceries, sundries
Mother's Monthly
- 600 apartment maintenance
- 30 internet
- 500 living expenses - utilities, food, groceries, laundry, etc
I rolled apartment insurances into the rent and maintenance fees. Mother's benefits may cover all of her living expenses so the 500 is just in case. Am I missing anything?
I'm expecting there to be a large sum of one time fees for broker, moving, deposits, etc. and I'll need to buy all new furniture since I won't be taking much besides my electronics and clothes. I'm thinking 10-15K should cover it?
- Bed, frame, box spring, sheets
- Computer desk & chair
- TV, Stand, Speakers, surge protectors, etc
- Dresser, tables, shelves, lamps
- Microwave & toaster oven
- Pots, pans, dining utensils, cleaning stuff, etc
- Refrigerator, Oven, Dishwasher (not sure if normally provided for renting)
After a year or two, I may try to move back to cheaper renting area depending on where my life is at that point.
So good idea? Bad idea? Am I going to screw up my finances? Am I doomed to become a shut-in and forever alone? How messed up am I? What should I do?
Thanks in advance for any advice.
Submitted March 12, 2016 at 02:08AM by foxpai http://ift.tt/1LhgfUk personalfinance
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