Wednesday, March 30, 2016

TIFU by eating spoiled shellfish tifu

This happened a few years ago, but I never found the right space to tell this story. So here goes.

When I was in high school, my parents rented this house where we had a property manager who was impossible to deal with. She was unnecessarily bitchy and woulnt fix anything unless it presented an immediate health risk. Now our refrigerator had been leaking and not consistently staying cold for about month but she refused to do anything about it because it hadn't yet proved harmful.

One night when my dad was out of town, we reheated some shrimp alfredo that had been in the fridge for two days or so. My mother, my younger sister, and I all ate it but my youngest sister refused because it would make her "fat" (she had wanted pizza).

A couple hours later, we got a call from the care facility my demented grandmother was living in that my mom needed to come right now because grandma had been caught smoking with her oxygen on, was refusing to give up the cigarettes, and had hit the nurse who had tried. My mom packed us into the van because at this point those of us who had eaten the pasta were feeling pretty queasy and she didn't want to leave I'll children alone.

Now normally my mom makes us go in with her because grandma behaved better when we were around, but she didn't want to risk a puking incident in the home. Barely 5 minutes after she had parked and went in, my youngest sister called her and told her to come put to the van ASAP. Upon exiting the building, my mother was greeted with the sight of me puking out one side of the van, my younger sister puking out the other, and my baby sister laughing like a madman in the back at the whole spectacle. My mother too started to giggle when she pulled out of the parking space and saw the symmetrical piles of puke framing the lines, slowly ozzing toward neighboring vehicles.

As soon as we got home, my younger sister headed to the powder room as I beelined to the bathroom where I spent the night puking into a trash can whilst vile liquid spewed forth from my butthole. My mother wanted to comfort us, but she had to spend some quality time with her own porcelain throne. My baby sister listened and continued to laugh like a sociopath until my mother yelled at her to go to bed.

Three days later we had a brand new refrigerator and a life long aversion to shrimp.

TL;DR My family puked and shit our brains out simultaneously because we deided to eat spoiled shrimp.



Submitted March 31, 2016 at 08:14AM by halflingforlife http://ift.tt/1RKXgB3 tifu

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