So I've been scattered to the 4 winds with my attention lately. I've got a lot of side projects going on at work. Hobbies at home. Being a dad. House projects and maintenance and I took my eye off of the alpha/beta balance with the wife. Had I been paying attention: I would have noticed more verbal testing, less sex, more demands for my time, more pushing forward of her priorities etc. I had confirmation this weekend in a shit storm.
My kid's birthday party is coming up next weekend and my wife makes a last minute request that I spend THIS LAST weekend pressure washing the house. I had planned on brewing this weekend Saturday, and fulfilling some kid fun with a trip (kid requested) to the water park the Sunday.
We've got a two story house and no wand extender (150$ we don't have budgeted) so at best I can spend a lot of time making sure there's a clear demarcation from the white vinyl to the green algae on the top floor, except for the spot where I can crawl out on the roof and scrub by hand. Not sure why this is an improvement. Also not sure why it's worth the 1/2 day to do it. This would have been much less of a problem if she'd have let me know before that it was on her musthoneywant list longer than a weekend before the party, and used her household budget to save up for (her) desired priority for either the wand or the service since I have a lot of other things we need to do with 150-200$ first. It's worth it more to me to leave it green until the front railing is fixed and new miter saw purchased.
What happens when the pants get swapped for project planning : incorrect assumptions of time management, priorities and cost. Which is why it always ends up being her expectations are out of whack , yet she's built her frame, chipped at mine while I wasn't paying attention. I mean I must have really gotten lazy based on what happened following. I said fuck-it, I'll give her this one, come up with a calendar and schedule out my time for the next 3 months. If it's a project I haven't put on the calendar, she'll have to request it and wait. Also on the calendar are hobbies, date nights, family time. Fun-for-all activities.
Good wife/leading captain= makes requests , realizes it's a request ...my time is important and limited. Thanks me anytime I finish something on a honey do list.
Bad wife/drunk captain= makes demands. Micro manages. Throws tantrums when expectations are not met. Comes up with more and more lists of demands. Kicks , screams and belittle anytime I re prioritize. And the bigger of a frame she had time to construct when I wasn't paying attention=the bigger the shit test.
Let's see what happened: I make a calendar Friday, make sure to put my hobbies, house projects that need doing in the priority that work for me (yet note: are still things she'll want, too) for the next 3 months. I make allowance since I had been asleep at the wheel to squeeze in the pressure washing Friday night and any remainder Sunday morning before going to the park. Still brewing my beer. Had I been minding the fort, I knew this would have been positive. Knowing where I was at I was prepared for whatever-may-come.
Swing by the brew store to get ingredients. I get home Friday. Announce there's a dad-schedule on the refrigerator, and that I'm going outside to pressure wash.
<crickets chirp>
OK, she's concentrating on some party prep thing , could be either way.
Start pressure washing some areas can't be reached well or because it'll knock off the channels (pressure washing vinyl is really a debated thing in h.i. circles as it can really fuck up your house wrap, but it is more convenient that a ladder, sponge and elbow grease.) and the MICRO-MANAGER APPEARS! When she realizes it's not flying and she's talking to a VP now instead of an employee she huffs inside. Pressure washer floods a few times (it's a piece of crap) and I decide that's a good stopping place.
She's complaining about the party. Not really asking for help or anything direct. When I point out a few things instead of taking it as advice she starts to get argumentative. Another clear indicator she's put on her pants again. I correct, stop talking about it and she stews. She gets more and more sour as the evening continues. A comment about the cloud she's been dragging around her head and souring the house with sparks a shit-test a fun. I get everything from gas-lighting you do nothing (in the midst of my doing things all weekend) including cooking hilariously mentioning cooking. I did play a bit, chuckle and point out that was funny since I cooked dinner and then she tries to attack that what I made was simple (because everything she makes is Boeuf Bourguignon). More demands or projects , attacks on my manhood. I test here and there with a comment to see where it's going and get confirmation that it was my beta drunk captain audacity of coming up with a calendar without CONSULTING HER. I ask her if she's even looked at it. "No". This is so ridiculous to me, as she's arguing against the notion of a calendar...she hasn't even looked at. That has fun stuff and projects outlined all throughout. More straight harpy and vitriol ramps up so I sigh and let her know she'd gone too far and that I had let it go on too long.
I go get changed and hit the road. I get a mouthy and somewhat crazed "I predicted it, I predicted it!" not sure what she's cheering other than a comment she must have made to herself that if she was crappy enough I'd bolt. Did she really not think that'd follow and it wasn't a certainty? That she could go full crap-harpy and I'd stick around like a good boy? How silly! And how bad of me to have let my house get to this state of affairs!
Call up buddy number one and he's on his way to his house and he tells me to come over and hang. Was hoping for a bar, but wherever worked (and actually turned out for the better), since it's a last minute thing I wasn't going to put him out. I hit a gas station and grab a six pack. What followed was an awesome evening hanging out with my good friend and his neighbor who I've never met. I'll post that and my thoughts in PII: Testosterone boost by Osmosis.
Submitted August 25, 2015 at 02:30AM by Countpudyoola http://ift.tt/1WOPitz marriedredpill
No comments:
Post a Comment