This is a throwaway. I am a normal subscriber/poster on here but since my husbeast knows my regular username and this has to do with his family, I thought it best to create a throwaway. Also, this is probably gonna be a bit long and rambly and I'm on my phone browser so excite any weird autocorrects.
Sooooo me on my regular account: made a post last week about the husbeast and I changing places and that we were going on in vacation? Well I posted on the private one but I'll sum it up here: vacation did not go well. We were in the mountains for less than 24 hours because smoke was making the air quality super questionable for our 11 month old. By the time we got home we were exhausted and demoralized. Next night we get a phone call that his mom is going into the hospital. His dad has just had hernia surgery less than a week prior. Husbeast wakes up next morning to go visit his mom and we discover his catalytic converter was stolen. Yay! So I deal with insurance and police reports while he tends to his family. Since that point we've just been dealing with shit on top of shit. It's been a very stressful week. It can always be worse so I'm thankful of that but still. Not a great week.
Anyways, his mom got out of the hospital last night. She's been in for almost a week and they still don't know what exactly it was. They think it was either viral meningitis, fungal meningitis, or something that mimicked that. Well, no one can get a straight answer or get in contact with the doctor. He apparently talked to my MIL but understandably(symptoms were like a stroke so memory is still a bit fuzzy) she can't remember everything he said and just keeps repeating that he said it wasn't contagious. That's nice, MIL, but we'll wait to talk to the doctor before I risk my daughters health because you miss her.
And my real point of my post: the husbeast is at his parents right now trying to clean up. His parents are....not clean people. They are the equivalent of teenage roommates but obviously much older. My MIL's brother also lives there but he lives in the camper in the driveway... Well, he just had reconstructive surgery to his jaw so he is also in the hospital but will be coming home soon. Which requires a clean and safe place, as in not the camper. Their house is a 3 bedroom house. My FIL sleeps in their bedroom, my MIL took over my SIL's room when she moved out, my husbands room is just full of stuff and few cats. So, husbeasts old room should be what becomes uncles new room, right? Well that's a lot of shit to do right now.
Husbeast is over there and he is just completely demoralized and depressed. He didn't realize how bad it is, I guess. My MIL doesn't clean. (And let me stop right here and interject that I by no means think it is only her responsibility to clean. My FIL and their uncles are assholes who tend to live in the past in some ways so they don't feel like it's their job to do the cleaning. My FIL works and he is basically the only income coming into the house so I can't blame him for feeling frustrated that he'd still have to come clean after work while MIL does not work. Uncle has just gone through chemo and cancer stuff so he's still on the mend but his behavior is not anything new except now he won't help around the house when at least he used to cook. Either way, they all act like irresponsible roommates who refuse to clean up after themselves because in their mind it's someone else's job to do it. Meanwhile it isn't.) She'll clean when she knows she has to, like for their annual Christmas Eve party but she tries to delegate and get husbeast or SIL to do it. The last time we were over there the living room looked pretty good but I'm guessing the bedrooms are a disaster and I know the kitchen was pretty fucking bad.
When husbeast lived there he completely cleaned the kitchen TWICE, once by himself and once with SIL. By clean, I mean emptied and threw out everything in the cupboards, cleaned the appliances, did all the dishes and put them away in organized homes, organized the dry goods and refrigerator, etc. they did a great job both times. But my in laws (and their uncle) are just ridiculous. They do not keep anything up. When we were there last week, the kitchen was just....disgusting. The sink was full to the brim of dirty dishes, there was crap all over the counters, the dry goods area was just overrun wth crap. Just a mess man. I'm so used to seeing this mess there that I actively do not go looking for it. I just turn a blind eye to it and try to just get through the visit. I don't tell my husband this because it would break his heart. Since the shebeast was born we've been over there a handful of times. I don't want to eat there, I don't want to touch anything, I don't want my daughter to touch anything. The living room is ok but what about the rest of the house?
He knows anyways because he doesn't push us going over there. HE doesn't want to go over there. It's disgusting and I know it's overwhelming to start but we've all offered to help so many times. It's always 'boo hoo me.' They're overwhelmed and depressed but they don't pull themselves out of it. My poor husband. He's having that moment in Sex in the City Where Steve goes to his moms house and sees how awful it is? And his all alone because his SIL is at home with her baby and MIL. She's (SIL) is handling so much of the paperwork type stuff that I can't fault her for throwing all this onto husbeasts plate but it's still kinda shitty. And they have these really unrealistic expectations. She thinks "they" can get it all done in a day or two but the house is so far beyond that. If "they" included like 4 more people, sure but "they" is really just my husband with his still healing father following him around and probably asking husbeast to do something completely unrelated this just distracting from what actually needs to be finished.
I'm just so heartbroken for my husband. I knew how bad it is at my in laws. I did not grow up like that. I have always been aware of how that house was not appropriate as far as cleanliness. My mother is hoarder but she keeps it hidden away and somewhat organized. His parents are just... I don't know, messy? They aren't so much hoarders as not cleaners? Is that a thing? How do you fix this? Obviously we can help and clean but how does it stay clean? How do you teach 50-60 year olds to stop acting like children and clean up after themselves? Especially when they've always been this way, it's just worse now that husbeast and SIL don't live there.
I just... I'm at a loss. Everyone expects my husband to just fix this issue but it isn't one he can fix. Sure he can clean it up over time but not within a day. And how is he supposed to feel when it isn't upkept? He doesn't even want me to come help because he doesn't want me in that mess. That's how bad it is. How can 3 adults live like that and think it's acceptable?
Submitted August 31, 2015 at 12:14AM by Bluewallsredspot http://ift.tt/1JF7tfC breakingmom
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