Respect Biff (The Book of Biff) respectthreads

Who is Biff?

Biff is an odd looking fellow from the webcomic The Book of Biff, a gag-a-day affair in the style of newspaper comics. Its focus, however, is on surreal humor and weird shit happening to Biff in his everyday life, which actually provides a lot of feats for the guy, considering he lives through it all.

Nothing is really known about Biff's history, other than that he's been a genius inventor and weirdness magnet since his childhood, may be very old, and works at some sort of soda company/as a costumed children's party entertainer/door to door salesman. He's prone to misfortune and fortune alike, and has a knack for getting parts of himself removed.

---

Physicals

Strength

• Jumps into bed hard enough to roll it through a wall.

• Tongue survives being pulled by a space shuttle taking off.

• Sneezes hard enough to shatter glass.

• By holding in a sneeze, accidentally blows a hole in the back of his own head and the window behind him.

• Dents a wall by leaning into it.

• Crushes a watermelon by accident.

• Holds up six donuts with his tongue.

• As a giant, levels a forest with a sneeze.

Durability

• Survives being crushed by a refrigerator.

• Gets crushed under a spaceship.

• Survives an explosion that blows a chunk out of the Earth.

• Isn't even moved by dynamite exploding in his face.

• Gets hit by a meteor.

• Withstands being in close proximity to a black hole. Multiple times.

• Withstands noise so loud it liquifies his walls.

• Is unharmed by raining watermelons.

• Is unharmed by being inside an exploding car.

• Survives being encased in cement.

• Survives in space.

• As a giant, tanks missiles.

• Has his midsection removed and doesn't even wake up.

• Isn't even moved by a rocket taking off in front of him.

Survivability

This section is separate from durability for one reason: Though he survives these injuries, he's still actually damaged or dismember. Thus, this is just to show what he can live through.

• Has the upper half of his head cut off.

• Gets cut in half.

• Gets crushed by a car compactor.

• Has his head fall off.

• Has his head disintegrated.

• Gets a hole drilled through his forehead.

• Gets electrocuted in the bathtub.

• Has a hole burned through his head.

• Stabs himself in the mouth.

• Has his face sucked off.

• Gets a bite taken out of him.

• Survives liquification.

• Stands in the shower long enough that his head erodes.

• Survives having all moisture removed from his head.

• Survives having a watermelon plant grow in and through him.

• Has his skull blown out.

• Survives having his right side of his face destroyed.

• Survives a chestburster.

• Gets stabbed a lot.

• Has all of his calcium removed.

Temperature Resistance

• Survives a day hot enough to pop popcorn.

• Survives his blood being replaced with liquid nitrogen.

• Survives temperatures cold enough to freeze his breath.

• Unaffected by proximity to lava.

• Survives being frozen solid.

• Survives temperatures hot enough to melt his fingernails, which would take at least 401 degrees Fahrenheit.

• Survives close enough to the sun that he catches fire.

Ingestion

• Ingests eighty thousand times the daily recommended value of Vitamin C. That's approximately 7.2 kilograms.

• Drinks coffee hot enough that he catches on fire.

• Drinks plutonium.

• Drinks enough soda that it bursts out of his skull.

• Drinks a pool.

• Eats a tablet.

Elasticity

Biff's body seems to have some degree of elasticity, which he makes use of regularly.

• Gets caught in a fan.

• Has several feet of tongue.

• Fits in a bottle.

• Has stretchy arms.

• Inflates.

• Even his eyes stretch.

• Stretches through plumbing.

• Lengthens his neck.

• Has enough tongue dexterity to operate a touch phone.

• Can stretch his head literally into the clouds.

Other Weird Stuff

• Doesn't trigger infrared sensors.

• Biff can remove his body parts and function fine without them, including his head, hands, teeth, heart, legs, eyes, and bones. He knows how to utilize this.

• Despite his odd appearance, he does have eyes.

• He has spare heads, some of which resist static.

• He can't grow hair that isn't eyebrows.

• He can breathe underwater.

• He stores his memories on tape.

• Can use his head to control other bodies.

• Can be faxed.

• He heals fast, but not always perfectly.

• Actually catches aflame when he lies.

• Is an animal sanctuary.

Powers and Abilities

Biff has, over the years, acquired many strange and interesting powers.

• Can manipulate water with his mind.

• He can phase through solid objects, but only randomly.

• Manipulates perspective.

• Can fly, but not land so well. Every part of him can do this.

• Can control his molecular density

• Gets rid of a headache by moving out of its way.

• Can levitate.

• After encountering a genie, he can turn invisible.

• He can excrete concrete through his pores.

• He can grow tastebuds on his hands.

• He can hear ghosts.

• THE LIVING JUICER

• Can generate warmth by thinking warm.

• Has spider-like wall crawling, but only in his left index finger.

• Gives off electricity.

• Telekinesis strong enough to lift a space ship.

Body Modifications

Also over the years, Biff has had many things done to his body, such as adding machines or new parts.

• Head umbrella.

• VCR forehead.

• Chest ATM.

• Has a giant robot hand. It's quite inconvenient.

• He has hand missiles, which are sensitive to sudden changes in temperature but make high fives a breeze. Evidently he maintains control after firing them.

• Spring loaded head.

• Dream distillery.

• Eye lights.

• Hydraulic arms.

• Accessible stomach.

• Reversible knees.

• Detachable nose.

• Emergency arms.

• Sarcasm indicator.

• Personal air conditioner.

• Extra wisdom teeth.

• Shark DNA.

• Reversible elbows.

• Magnifying eyes.

• Internal electromagnet.

• Grappling neck.

• Mouth laser.

• Flamethrower hand.

Weaknesses

• Allergies:

  • Plaid
  • Being soaked in liquid nitrogen.
  • Shellfish
  • Cats

• He's afraid of spiders.

• He loves spaghetti. A lot.

• Has a 12 slice limit.

• He isn't worthy.

---

Other

Inventions

Despite having only a public education, he's a master inventor.

• The breader

• Oatmeal maker

• Created a hybrid snake-toaster, and keeps it as a pet.

• Created a snake-guiter hybrid.

• Liquefies time.

• Creates the loudest pumpkin.

• Invents time travel. Can go back and forward, and uses it tactically. Can even time travel by accident.

• Time machine for taste buds.

  • Nose goggles.

• Growth ray.

• Robot dog.

• Robot duplicate.

• A death ray that can blow up the moon.

• A car that runs on hamsters.

• AI

• Caffeinated pajamas.

Gear

• Saturn gravity boots

• Anti-gravity boots

• Dirt magnet shoes

• Levitation potion

• Invisibility spray

• A shrink ray with a time limit and water sensitivity.

• A flashlight that can disintegrate solids

• Magnetic armor.

• A macaroni tube.

• Golden scissors

• Taco repelling shirt

• Green invisible chair

• Badminton racket

• Hover socks

• Chocolate suit

• Smoking alarm jacket

• Chill Suit

• Magnetic gloves

• Force field mug

• Anti-gravity pants. As in, the pants resist gravity, not lift you up.

• Dream recorder

• Telekinesis gloves

• Bulb launcher

• Swiss Army Spoon

• Compass tie

• Rocket belt

• The Summoner

• Cloning machine

• Chocolate sensing goggles

• Moon glasses

• Inter-dimensional pajamas

• Shoes that are on fire

Vehicles

• A space ship with a giant thumb, telescope, hyperspace capability and straw.

• Green invisible car

• Jetpack

• Lightspeed car.

• Underwater motorcycle

• Giant slingshot

• Tree fueled car

• Submarine

• Walking suit

• Briefcase submarine

Skills

• Handpuppetry

• Staple pong

• Spoon hanging

• Origami

• Can differentiate between peaches and nectarines

• Is a religious leader.

• Can conjure flowers.

• Hypnotism

• Pottery

• Yoga-karate

• Ice sculpting

• Sleight of hand

• Stealth

• Bilingual sign language

• No ball bowling

• Disguises

• Juggling

• Geology

• Vacuum guitar

• Cosplay

Submitted May 27, 2016 at 03:49AM by KiwiArms http://ift.tt/25l1960 respectthreads