Jamie Petloss

Jamie 3/12/2016

I smell like poop. It’s not from something that smells like poop it’s from actual poop. We took Jamie in today at noon to die. I still hear him. For some reason I still hear him. As the pink shot started to go in. I wanted to stop it. But I knew it was already too late. He went quietly and peacefully. With his head tucked facing the left towards Jodi, into the green and white plaid hospital blanket. The vet said that he might twitch or breath or ???? (The same vet that had told me his kidneys were failing 3 months before.) But he just laid there. He was just a bag of bones that smelled like poop. He breathing wasn’t labored it just became unnoticeable as it stopped. And then about a minute after she told us he was gone. He made a little sound, kind of a sneeze, two of them.

This morning wasn’t a good morning. When I woke up at 6 he was meowing at the door of his room. The room where he slept because he used to wake me up whenever he was hungry. And walk on my head and lick my cpap mask where the air comes out. So he got his own room. But this morning he wanted out. He was wobbly he couldn’t poop and he wanted out. So I fed him and gave him water and the senior #3 from gnc. He drank a little, ate a little, and then we came downstairs. We went to the kitchen so if, and when he peed of the floor, it would be on linoleum. I brought the bed that we bought for Stella, because he had peed on her old one, into the kitchen and laid it by the gate across from the refrigerator and his kitty gate got put in the doorway of the laundry room, with his litter-box on the floor. the doors to the washer and the drier were shut. They were shut because he had peed in both of the machines, at one time or the other. His bed was covered with a towel. Usually a fresh towel because he refused to lay on a towel that the dog had laid on. I took the kitty bed that he had peed in two nights before out of the dryer and laid it by the sink. Fresh water in both bowls the small on with ice and the big one because Stella had drunk out of it. But like I said this morning wasn’t a good morning. He was having trouble pooping he would hunker down, and nothing. And this lasted the rest of the morning. Only drips would come out. Little grey drips. He would then walk around and meow. This lasted all morning and didn’t stop.

Around 10:00 I picked him up and flipped him over and rubbed his cheek and he closed his eyes and I cried. We stayed like that for what seemed like an hour. He purred and went to sleep. I wanted him to go then. Not at the vet. I wanted him to drift off in my arms, and just stop purring and breathing. But nothing is ever the way it should be. Nothing is ever easy. I figured it was time to wake up Jodi so she could hold him and say her good-byes. So I do what I do and snipped some fur off his tail for a locket. And woke up Jodi.

We talked it over and they close at noon on Saturdays so we decided and I called the vet. I knew he could have probably made it through the weekend. But if it turned into being painful I wouldn’t want him to go through that. I went and got dressed , I have all the shirts that I wore when I put the others down. I don’t know why I just do. I always think I'm going to make a shadow box with some reminders, but I always just have the shirt somewhere. So I looked for a shirt to never wear again. I looked at the shirts that I never choose. The ones that are torn and have paint on them. But I couldn’t pick one of those. I couldn’t pick something that I was already never going to wear again something I am going to throw away. I Picked my favorite shirt the one that I wear in pictures and the one I wear to get-togethers. The one that I don’t want to never wear again. Because it’s not fair and it shouldn’t be, it’s about loss. And love and it needs to be one that I didn’t want to loose. Then came down and took him while she get dressed. We went the back way to the vet.

At the vet, as he died Jodi said “night, night kitty” just as she has always said to him, as I would cradle him in my arms as I carried him off to bed. It was nice to hear, and I hope it was nice for him as he drifted off to sleep.

I’m not really a cat person. But I will miss that always talking, ice water drinking, peeing on the carpet, telling me it’s time to feed him NOW, peeing down the heater vent under the tv, nose kissing, treat loving, Protecting me from my CPAP, standing in his water-dish, litter eating, Red hating, clean laundry laying in the basket, non mouse catching, Stella snubbing, trying to trip me. only fish flavored catfood eating, jumping from the 3rd step on his way down, putting his face in anything I’m drinking, stealth going up the stairs, always purring, should have given him a better life. kid. I love you buddy.

Submitted March 13, 2016 at 02:33AM by rexsuede http://ift.tt/1RdU3wP Petloss