Friday, August 18, 2017

All 139 League Champions review the Emoji Movie. leagueoflegends

Hi Reddit. Took a while to get them all organized, but I reached out to every champion in League of Legends, asking them for their opinion of the Emoji Movie. Hope you find this insightful!


Aatrox: so these… human vessels are also puppets of darkin devices, called phones. Albeit these darkin tools are embarrassments to the name! What Emoji would I need to send in order to start another great war, so that I may feast on the carnage? I found the firewall part most violent and uproarious. 3 out of 10.

Ahri: Jailbreak is such a confusing character to me. Why must she brag on and on about feminine power, yet refuse to use any sort of tact against Gene? I imagine a bit of seduction might have solved the plot. None of the characters acted realistically, meaning none of them were tormented by a carnal need for sensuous flesh. Where the hell was the fox emoji?! 1 out of 10.

Akali: I like movie theaters because they are draped in shadows, allowing for quiet movements, for secret moves in the dark. Thank the stars for this quality, because I was able to drop my shroud and leave the Emoji movie halfway in… undetected. If I dashed to this movie I wouldn’t get a reset, because it was DoA—Dead on Arrival. 0 out of 10. Alistar: Hoh-oh! Now when I heard they were doing a movie on Emojis, of all things, I snorted and said, “you can’t milk those… for money!” Well, Hollywood, you managed to prove me both right and wrong. Perhaps it is for the best my kind was slain in cold blood, if the future is mere permission for movies like this to exist. The dancing scene needed more cowbell. 2 out of 10.

Amumu: E…Everyone told me this movie was real popular on social media. So I went to make some new friends… but the theater was empty. As for the movie, I really liked the idea of an outcast making friends. Do human hands really speak and act like High-Five? I-If there are any humans out there, will you please let me be friends with your hand, at least? Any…Anyway, my favorite scene in the whole movie was the fact Gene had parents who cared about him, because it allowed me to live on vicariously through the character. 8 out of 10.

Anivia: This movie was far, far below my age demographic, even if I was in my egg form. What strange mannerisms the humans outside of Frelijord have, sending emojis to one another in place of actual conversation! I am grateful the frigid colds keep the tribes of the Frelijord in check. Overall, I posit the movie was a cute romp for those unconcerned with the Watchers. This movie was surely unconcerned with its watchers… 6 out of 10.

Annie: Wooooooow! This movie was a load of fun! My favorite scene was when, was when Gene fell into Candy Crush and Jailbreak went ‘watch out!’ and the fruits went kablooey and Jailbreak and High-Five were like, aaaaah, he exploded! When I explode people in real life, they just leave vaporized blood in the air. I super loved all the poop jokes right in the beginning of the movie, they made Tibbers and I laugh until we cried. Good movie, good movie! It’s so weird, but a lot of people on the internet call me jailbreak… or something like that… 10 out of 10!!

Ashe: I have better things to do as Queen than waste it on the Emoji movie. Although, after watching, I have realized the potential of these hieroglyphs. Already my carrier hawks deliver missives three times faster, when the contents are limited to these strange expressive symbols. Just yesterday I sent Tryndamere, the Barbarian King, an ‘angry Emoji puffing steam through his nose,’ and he replied with a refrigerator. Anivia doesn’t seem so happy… 5 out of 10.

Aurelion Sol: So many fallen stars… 0 out of 10.

Azir: ALL WILL BOW BEFORE SHURIMA! Sorry, obligatory plug for my empire. Recently arisen, full of vacation destinations, soon-to-be winner of the “I conquered Valoran” award. Anyway, this movie insulted me. I risked everything to free the slaves of Shurima, just to see these fools become shackled to a new ruler called.. smartphone. Gene, Jailbreak, all of the Emojis, will bend the knee to me, their new emperor, or suffer a consequence far unsolvable even by the Ascendant powers of Dropbox. 4 out of 10.

Bard: waning, distorted blooping noise. Gleeful chirp. Recalcitrant bing. High, deafening screech. 7 out of 10.

Blitzkrank: Cute visuals with a predictable plot, this dime-a-dozen blockbuster failed to grab me. 3 out of 10.

Brand: OH MY GOD, AM I ON FIRE?! Oh, no, that would be the fuming dumpster this movie was conceived in. Every second in the theater was like a year caught in Liandry’s Torment. The dancing scene went on way too long, and this is coming from someone who had a part in Thriller. 1 out of 10.

Braum: Light-hearted and charming, though very, very dumb. I would ask the children in the audience to stand behind me… and wear some earplugs. 4 out of 10.

Caitlyn: It is time to solve a mystery… the mystery of how a movie like this comes into production over Popeye. Maybe I should don my Pulsefire suit, go back in time, have a spot of tea with Sony. If they refuses to listen to reason, I’ll try again… bring along Vi. The most tolerable scene was the dance segment at the end. The Emoji pop is sure to take off here in the UK—I mean, Piltover! 3 out of 10.

Camille: Makes me wonder if my cause, to defend the wealthy elite, is righteous when they put out trash like this. This movie belongs more in the sewers of Zaun than on the big screens of our cultural mecca, it is an utter affront to proper moviemaking technique. 2 out of 10.

Cassiopeia: Does anyone have the producers’ addresses? I’d like to have a face-to-face with them. The antagonist was inspiringly snakelike in her motivations, although I would be less than enthused to mayor over a city of large, two-legged expressions. My only expressions are secretions, from my fangs. 6 out of 10.

Cho’gath: I RESPECT THESE SMALL CREATURES KNOWN ONLY AS EMOJI. THEY DROVE AN EXISTENTIAL FEAR INTO MY HEART I HOPE TO ONE DAY INFLICT ON OTHERS, HA HA HA! 8 out of 10.

Corki: If you think the theatrical release was bad, I watched the on-flight entertainment edition. 0 out of 10.

Darius: A slam dunk in terms of cruel torture. Jailbreak is a hero to Noxus, a woman who fights beyond her status. Not enough murders shown on-screen. 5 out of 10.

Diana: Yadda yadda yadda, it’s pure lunacy. Want to know what I really think? It is just a stupid movie in a long list to ignore until we need a movie to distract the children. All these unwarranted reactions serve to make it more popular, thus inspiring more, thus encouraging us to hate more. I plan to give it a forgettable score and move on with my life. How’s that response for a lunatic, bitch? (Went to the midnight screening). 6 out of 10.

Dr. Mundo: Mundo goes where he pleases. So Mundo did not go see this.

Draven: Y’know, I sympathize with Gene. The poor guy has too much emotion, too much pizazz for the boring world he was plopped down in. You know what he should take up? Execution…ing. Start with that high-five friends of his—I can teach him to twirl a few axes, take off those fingers one by one. It will be more entertaining than the majority of this film—because the movie was boring, and I’m draaaaaven. 3 out of 10.

Ekko: I can only go back about 4 seconds in time. Worse still, I spent hours and hours of time-resets, trying to convince a mother of three to see another movie. She… she just wouldn’t listen no matter what I did. Why can’t I save everyone?! WHY?! 0 out of 10.

Elise: Got bored, started to walk around and scare people as a spider. Built a web in the theater, took a nap near the projector. Movie was bad enough that everyone walked out screaming halfway through. And, by the way, what was up with those product placements? We are all in big business’s web, now. 4 out of 10.

Evelynn: My late husband would have said the movie is okay. And you all wonder why I’m a widow. In the scene with Jailbreak and Gene on the boat, I half expected her to take the Meh Emoji and drown him violently. All the colors were too bright and happy, and the score is nothing I’d dance tango to. 2 out of 10.

Ezreal: Hollywood… I hate those guys. Who needs a plot? This movie belongs in a horror house, know your audience. You know what? I’ll handle it! Time for a true display of filmmaking! 6 out of 10.

Fiddlesticks: A TRUE NIGHTMARE. My farmer replaced me in the corn fields with the box cover of this movie, so I just lost my dayjob. After watching, I can say I utterly delighted in how much the characters represented me. Spindly legs, empty heads, and an unwavering desire to drive despair into the hearts of young children. 9 out of 10.

Fiora: I long for a decent movie. This movie’s plot is more contrived and bullshit than my kit, and it ruined my faith in Sony more than my nerf ruined my ability to faceroll lower elos. 4 out of 10.

Fizz: Hope Sony goes under so I can swim up to them. They’re just chumming the waters for haters—some say my playful trickster lasts for hours, and in this particular instance I wish that were true. People keep saying I’d make a good fit for a children’s film but I think I might stay away after this. 1 out of 10.

Galio: The dark magics of this film brought me to life, yet even I am unsure of how to proceed at… defeating it. The dark idea that a world’s subjects must be limited to their one role is Noxian at best. Seeing as this problem is resolved in the plot, I have ordered this movie delivered to Noxus. I rid myself of an imminent threat, and help change the minds of those brutal souls. Two birds with one stone, so to speak. Hm. Reminds me of mom and dad… 4 out of 10. Gangplank: arr, I had to eat five oranges back-to-back to cure the effects of this masterpiece. This curse came straight from Davy Jone’s locker. But… finally… I want something more than vengeance. A REFUND, MATEY! (Watched a pirated copy). 6 out of 10.

Garen: There is no justice. 0 out of 10.

Gnar: Screams in Yordle 10 out of 10.

Gragas: Best watched drunk. The plot was so convoluted, dragged farther and farther downhill with every new plot contrivance, like me after consecutive patches. They promised it would be barrels of fun, it was like a pint of grappa with no water. 3 out of 10.

Graves: This movie killed my poppy. Now if I was in Gene’s position, wanted by the law, I wouldn’t run off and rely on anybody. I’d build myself an emoji shotgun, break back into that damned selection room, and have a shootout with them robots. Can’t believe I almost became PG like this movie. Thankfully I got my cigar back—I will never get back the price of admission. 2 out of 10.

Hecarim: Didn't mind the movie too much, but I missed the final few scenes. I had to pee like a racehorse. 5/10.

Heimerdinger: 42… there is just something about that number… EUREKA! 42 is the audience score of this atrocity on Rotten Tomatoes! I dare say, we must set up defenses to prevent the taking-over of the movie industry by charlatans. Back, you dirty apes, back! 42 out of 100.

Illaoi: Some will watch Moana and assume it is my culture. Now I feel worse for Yordles, who will be judged based on the world shown in the Emoji movie. The movie had good voice-acting, at least, although with what I have planned it is hard to voice lines four leagues under the Great Ocean. Still better than the… fan animations they make of me. Eugh. 4 out of 10.

Irelia: The Emoji Movie fails to strike a balance between observational humor, cynical commentary and peppy antics. 5 out of 10.

Ivern: Tired of smartphones, now? There’s room in the forest. 2 out of 10.

Janna: for just 2.95 a minute, I can leave you breathless. Now what would you like—that offer for five minutes, or this movie for ninety? More braindead than the players who main me, more viciously cynical than the players who complain about me. And see? Ancient Coin doesn’t protect you from everything. 3 out of 10.

Jarvan IV out of 10.

Jax: Imagine if it had a real director. This movie attempts to lampshade itself enough to put my lamp and me to shame. Hey, Emoji Movie, lets trade places in relevancy, okay? 5 out of 10.

Jayce: Gene has so many forms whereas I have but two. This movie was a blast to watch. Surprised by my opinion? Then you are like me. Right out of the speed gate I expected to hate it. Instead, it hammered me over the head with decent morals. 7 out of 10.

Jhin: What a travesty! How dare you put out this rubbish and call it art?! The dance scene was awfully choreographed, hideous—the moment I left the theater, I had an irrevocable urge to correct the mistakes of the movie. In my version, all the emojis are dead… 4 out of 10.

Jinx: A few years back, I told a joke about the prospects of their being an Emoji movie. Sheesh. Get Jinxed, me. This fireball is the real agent of chaos, and it robs banks far better than me. A little envious over here. 7 out of 10.

Kalista: wow! This movie is great for business—so many lost souls begging for vengeance! Is it good, is it bad, who cares? The soul industry is SAVED! 9 out of 10.

Karma: It is much like me… played everywhere when it shouldn’t be. No matter how bad it got, I felt tethered to my chair, nothing could shield me from the wreck on screen. It got so bad I hunched over in my seat and recited mantras to myself for half of it. 3 out of 10.

Karthus: I know how the people I use my ultimate on feel, now. I walked away from the Emoji Movie reminded that no one lives forever, immortal or not. 1 out of 10.

Kassadin: Thank god I sacrificed my daughter to the Void on accident, instead of taking her out to see the Emoji Movie. 0 out of 10.

Katarina: Really takes the unrepentant killer out of a person. I helped Swain betray the old masters of Noxus, and for what? So I might watch a sentient hand and a princess play Candy Crush for five minutes? At least this will make a hilarious calling card. 6 out of 10.

Kayle: There is no light here. It faded long, long ago. I side with the ‘villain’ in this picture: those who would corrupt the laws of the land and send the wrong Emoji must be punished swiftly in order to maintain order. There was so much risk in Gene’s adventure… 2 out of 10.

Kayn: The Darkin in me hates this movie. The Shadow Assassin in me ALSO HATES IT! -5 out of 10.

Kennen: Fun, fun, fun! I was running up and down the walls during this exciting joke-fest of a movie! My favorite part was the dancing scene because I got to dance, dance, dance, DANCE, DANCE!! 10 out of 10!! (User will change review once he comes down from drug binge).

Kha’zix: Ha. Hahaha. Is this the pinnacle of human evolution?! 0 out of 10.

Kled: Damn it, Skarl! Why’re you always dragging me off to see horrible animated children’s pictures?! I do have some pity for you now. Sony mounted the average moviegoer with the same lack of gentleness and concern as I do to you. So, sorry, I guess. Damn it, Skarl! Your movie made me apologize! 1 out of 10.

Kog’maw: Are Emojis edible? Are phones edible? Is that poop edible? Is Dropbox edible? I hunger… for a decent movie for the Voidlings. 4 out of 10.

LeBlanc: A famous cast, a AAA studio, and all the attention a movie needs. The ultimate deception. 6 out of 10.

Lee Sin: Didn’t see it.

Leona: Every single movie under the Sun is better than this one-off piece of trash. It almost makes me wish we didn’t get new antenna towers installed on our mountains for better WiFi. Streaming this movie was like allowing the words of Diana and her moon-cult to infest my ears, at one moment I bent the knee to it begging for supplication, only to recover when the credits began to roll. A tip for those forced to see this: bring sunglasses. 0 out of 10.

Lissandra: I get two hours every YEAR to myself, without the Watchers breathing down my neck. And this was how I spent it. Luckily it was short, leaving me plenty time to wallow in regret. Hopefully the Watchers order me to kill more cute Yordles to recover. 3 out of 10.

Lucian: Hey, uh, Thresh. Any room in that lantern? 0 out of 10.

Lulu: Didn’t taste purple, didn’t give me willies. I took the animals of the forest to see this film, and my favorite Squirelly bumpkins ran straight down Hawkie-hoogie’s throat. Pix liked all the colors, though. 7 out of 10.

Lux: What? You say you’re not going to go see a movie where yellow blobs dance for twenty minutes? Tactical decision, summoner! 3 out of 10.

Malphite: With a rock solid cast and good morals set in stone, this mountainously emotional film holds many sediments I could rock out to. Anyone who hasn’t heard of the Emoji Movie is most certainly living under a rock—people need to learn that uniqueness is no reason to stone a person. 10 out of 10.

Malzahar: There was scene midway through the movie where the hand is captured. You think this will drive the characters into action, yet it serves only to give them time alone to romance each other. This is the human greed I fight again, the constant need to see characters on the big screen fall into meaningful, pretty relationships. If this movie was directed by the Void, Gene and Jailbreak would be consumed in a vorpal tide of chaos and suffering. Sheesh. And they call ME Space-aids. 3 out of 10.

Mao’kai: Took the saplings to watch this. Never seen ‘em self-destruct without an invitation, before. 5 out of 10.

Master Yi: Sony just got a reset on their cooldown after murdering the animated film industry. Seriously, I have an ultimate named after a good movie, followed by a horrible movie that didn’t make any sense and feature time traveling, but nonetheless I am quite the movie goer. I ordered Wukong to attempt to meditate while this plays in the background. 4 out of 10.

Miss Fortune: Loses passive stacks… someone please put a bounty out on these people. 1 out of 10.

Mordekaiser: Numero uno out of ten.

Morgana: bet my sister hated this one. Overall, I thought it was a piecemeal attempt to ride off the success of bigger, better animated worlds. I liked Jailbreak’s rebellious character, although her lack of desire to torture the main villain was odd, and I wouldn’t be caught DEAD riding a bluebird, dire danger or not. 8 out of 10.

Nami: Y-You want to go see what? Um… oh! W-W-Would you look at that! The tide’s calling, I better go answer it.

Nasus: The cycle of life and death continues: they will profit, we will pay admission in order to make fun of their awful movies. 0 out of 10.

Nautilus: … 9 out of 10.

Nidalee: Certain product placements in this garbage hit harder than a spear from max distance. From this point forward I’m on the prowl for better ways to spend my time. 4 out of 10.

Nocturne: did Fiddlesticks already call this a real nightmare? Okay, good, that’s all I have to say. 1 out of 10.

Nunu: I loved the movie, but I missed the climax with Gene and the robots and the picking the right Emoji because Willump kept trying to break out of the theater. There were a lot of cool environments and none of them reminded me of the fact I am the soul of a child who froze to death in the snow. 10 out of 10.

Olaf: Broooo! Your mom could produce something better than this! Wasn’t fun at all, not even after downing a six-pack of brewskies, brah. I had to like, totally pop my ultimate to break free of this summer-bummer existential crisis of a shoot, brah. BRO! out of 10.

Orianna: My father built me to do ballet, yet all my circuits scream at me to do the Emoji pop. I painted my orb yellow, and added a 'crying while laughing' face to it. I think it makes me more approachable, although field data suggests the opposite. Field data can go screw itself, I want daddy to redesign me as a robot Emoji! 10 out of 10.

Ornn: Worse than my promotional video. 2 out of 10.

Pantheon: As an aspiring bread artisan myself, I can tell when a movie has been half-baked. They must have had a Spartan-sized army with Minotaur-sized brains working on this, to achieve such a level of disingenuous horror. 3 out of 10.

Poppy: Jokes? I don't know any jokes—or at least I didn't, until I saw this movie. 5 out of 10.

Quinn: VALOR, WHAT DO YOU SEE UP THERE?! AN EMOJI MOVIE?! CLAW OUT THEIR EYES! VALOR! GET US TICKETS FOR THAT NEW HISTORICAL DRAMA. NO, NOT DUNKIRK. VALOR, THE OTHER ONE IN RUSSIA, STARRING CHARLIZE THERON AS A SECRET AGENT--(reviewer was forced to leave the theater early).

Rakan: A charming film. Not sure why Xayah hated it so much. Favorite scene has to be when the Twitter bird breaks into the picture. Sort of reminded me of our tribe, before y'know, they were all massacred by the humans. 8 out of 10.

Rammus: Okay.

Rek'sai: Screams in Voidspeak 10 out of 10.

Renekton: BROTHEEEEER! I have killed many in my lifetime, those deemed unworthy to breathe. Yet the justice I've dispensed has been for naught! This movie's family morals made me realize that my time treated as an outcast of Shurima has been spent in anger, when I could have been exploring Just Dance instead. I want to dance with you, repair my relation ship with you, BROTHEEEEEEEEEER! 8 out of 10.

Rengar: Stealths away

Riven: What is broken, can be reforged. Except for my kit. And this movie. 2 out of 10.

Rumble: Looks like something put together in a scrap heap! 7 out of 10.

Ryze: My current opinion on the movie is this: it was okay, just another romp through a virtual world, except conducted by writers and producers far outside the range of today's technology. You can tell: the best spots of the movie, like the spam folder, were based more on the humor of their time. It might have been better to bring a younger, more inflammatory perspective to this feature. Thanks for reading—by this time next week, Riot will have reworked me to love this movie. 5 out of 10 (for now).

Sejuani: So boaring. 1 out of 10.

Shaco: What a joke! 3 out of 10.

Shen: It is my vow to protect everyone from seeing this movie. It is a product of the shadows, and I will fight it as hardly as I fight my own brother! All tribes of Valoran MUST come together to stop the evil force that is Textopolis. -10 out of 10.

Shyvana: What do you do when a dragon sneezes? Toss the Blueray disc of this shitfest in front of her way. 0 out of 10.

Singed: Boring at first, but then I downed six, seven bottles of insanity potion. It became a wild romp after that. Let me tell you: if I was Gene Meh, this movie would have been ten minutes long. No one chases me. I noticed many other moviegoers were shaken by this movies message, not stirred. 6 out of 10.

Sion: JARVAN! THIS MOVIE IS AS SUCCESSFUL AS YOUR ANCESTORS IN STAYING ALIVE! 10 out of 10!

Sivir: Listen, I'm all for gold, but come on. Sony, you need to learn the difference between fighting for a cause and dying for one. The Emoji movie needed to exist like we need Shurima to rise from the rubble and enslave all of Valoran. Mel Meh is still a better father than a damned bird, though. 4 out of 10.

Skarner: Isolated… alone. Where did my kind go? I invited them to see this fantastic adventure, yet none of them came. Then a movie attendant saw me and started stamping me with his shoes, just as the Just Dance scene started to really pick up. I demand a full refund so I may close my eyes and pretend to be a part of something larger again. 10 out of 10.

Sona: Screams in mute 0 out of 10.

Soraka: I made a wish upon the stars, that we might one day get an Emoji movie, and my wish was granted! Smiler represented perfectly how even the well-intention and well-mannered might become abhorrent to the world. I won't hold to any profound basis for liking this film: I like Emojis because they're yellow like bananas. 9 out of 10.

Swain: This… this movie cured my limp! I was able to stand up and walk out of the theater with decisive, impeccable steps! 8 out of 10.

Syndra: This movie sucked balls. 0 out of 10.

Tahm Kench: I thought these yonder yellow figures were likenesses of my acquaintance, pacman, yet this Textopolis is quite the incorrigible bunch. What's the point to a rotund figure if you don't eat other living creatures whole? 3 out of 10.

Taliyah: This movie rocks—what do you mean Malphite took all the rock puns?! Oh, oh geeze, I had nothing else planned for this review. Okay, so actual movie facts… um… oh! I love how the colors popped out. The visual gags were very strong, even when the scriptwriting fell short. Sometimes it fell so short, it hit… er… ROCK BOTTOM! YES! 6 out of 10.

Talon: Not enough scenes with Gene Meh doing high-octane parkour throughout Textopolis. One of his friends is quite literally a hand, yet he didn't do a single cool front flip or tumble. This movie's production cost about 300,000 longswords. So upsetting. 2 out of 10.

Taric: I miss the Fifth Age. 2 out of 10.

Teemo: I’d love to swipe my dagger across Gene’s fucking throat, then see what pleasure I might derive out of the open wound. God, it makes me pant thinking about my fingers around Smiley's throat. Mmm, Wow! 8 out of 10.

Thresh: Ah, this is where the Singularity conceals itself. In this city called... Textopolis. When this town comes on screen, the souls of humans become withered, easy to pull away from their corporeal owners. With this power, I might reduce the world to ashes. Thanks, Sony! Apocalypse out of 10.

Tristana: I took Teemo to see this movie. He says he really liked the character of Gene Meh. He even joked about the Emoji being a 'rival of mine who can also hide his inner emoticons.' I think it's great this movement can bring people/Yordles out of their shells. I found the colors to explode out on the screen—if you want to see this, it's a good idea to rocket jump in without looking at other reviews. Teemo told me not to look at the reviews, at least… 7 out of 10.

Trundle: Reminds me of how my entire culture was slandered by the Trolls movie. We do NOT have funky hairdos! We smell bad and cause destruction, ga ha ha! I'm sure the actual Emoji race is much more fearsome than this. 2 out of 10.

Tryndamere: My right arm is stronger than my left arm… mostly because I fell asleep on my left arm. Ashe, stop sending me missive with Emojis. 3 out of 10.

Twisted Fate: Lady Luck crept out of the theater and went to watch Atomic Blonde instead. A good Emoji film just wasn't in the cards, not surprising, because this was a poor gamble the whole way through. 0 out of 10.

Twitch: ah, what a fetid surprise this was. A copy of this turned up in my favorite sewage heap. Are surface-dwellers really so fascinated with others' opinions? The only reaction most humans have to me is dropping dead. Maybe I can get a phone, send them Emojis instead? My favorite character had to be the sentient poo, because I KNEW THEY WERE WHISPERING TO ME. I KNEW IT! 9 out of 10.

Udyr: Screams in irrelevant champion 5 out of 10.

Urgot: Well, old me might have given this movie a pass—because, hey, some creations are less than perfect. After my rework, however, I have a lot less respect for failures. If I was Gene, I'd have risen up and taken over Textopolis. Anyone capable of just one emotion would be victim to my chains. 4 out of 10.

Varus: People are wondering if my bow is a darkin construct. Well, I went to see the Emoji Movie and it, uh, started crying. Really. Saltwater kept dripping down the bowstring. Couldn't tell if it was sad that High-five got captured, or it didn't like the idea of two Emojis getting down to business while the pet hand was away. Oh well. 6 out of 10.

Vayne: I tumbled into this one on accident. Didn't even know what I was in for—just like my first few days in the Shadow Isles. Unlike the latter, I was unable to grow acclimated to the bright colors and fiercely animated characters. It all gave me a headache. Why can the focus never be on a tight and dedicated kit, rather than something flashy and new? At least, maybe, more people will watch this instead of me. 3 out of 10.

Veigar: I am the master of doom, I will conquer the universe… I am the master of everything evil… I did not laugh at the talking poo… I did not laugh at the talking poo… 7 out of 10.

Vel'koz: Research complete: data indicates that this is a movie of poor or mediocre quality with a putrid premise. Human reactionary metrics indicate that the most common response to Emoji stimuli is to roll both eyes in a large circle. Personally, this researcher fails to understand why these humans do not use these smartphones, and their unlimited storage capacity and training programs, to become less pathetic. The 10 rating system is arbitrary, and humans will not be able to understand my Void-Rating system.

Vi: Caitlyn wants me to go back in time with her. Something about that Emoji Movie. I mean, it wasn't the worst. Jailbreak did remind me of our own local troublemaker, Jinx. Gave me some key insights into why she acts the way she does. Conclusion: I'll have to knock more teeth out of her little pretty mouth than I planned. 3 out of 10.

Viktor: Despite everything in this movie being synthetic, I cannot approve of its creation. 1 out of 10.

Vladimir: Got bored halfway through, became a puddle on the ground and pretended to be spilled soda. Gave quite a few people a good scare. 5 out of 10.

Volibear: What's more unbelievable: my mom giving birth to a bear, a bird, and a human, or this movie coming into existence? I'd like to flip… off whatever moron made this. None of my visions foretold warned me enough of this garbage's stench. ('Visions' is how this reviewer refers to online reviews).

Warwick: These ones slipped through my claws. I can smell the stink of this movie on their clothes. This movie left many critics howling, yet it fills me with obligation. I will rid the streets of this new scum, I will Candy Crush them all. 0 out of 10.

Wukong: I cannot defeat this movie, Master Yi! It is too strong! My head is spinning… 0 out of 10.

Xayah: Saw a whole bunch of merch for this in Hot Topic, decided to give it a try. Gene and High-five are two birds of a feather, but other than that, it's just fowl. The Twitter bird was an insult to everything flight represents, and all those placements... like, not to brag, but I occupied wall street before. Might be time to give them another reminder. 2 out of 10.

Xerath: Emoji pop? Those aren't moves. These are moves. /d out of 10.

Xin Zhao: To the theater! On second thought… maybe not. Can there even be a movie worse than this? Find me a worse premise, and I'll put this question to rest! 3 out of 10.

Yasuo: As a trash-connoisseur, this is definitely trash. Gene Meh, however… I understand the plight. You have an overloaded kit, so they shun you, call you garbage, call for your deletion. From this point on, I ride the winds of Meh. 8 out of 10.

Yorick: I'm so named for a Hamlet reference. How do you think I liked this drivel? 2 out of 10.

Zac: Let's bounce! Over to another movie. 1 out of 10.

Zed: I saw a death mark over this movie's head the moment it was put into production. Smiley has no clue how to assassinate an opponent, and Gene seemed unable to murder his parents to get his way. Neither of them belong in the shadowy, hopeless world of Textopolis.

Ziggs: I'm all for loud noises, explosions and excitement. Yet this was a bit too much. Couldn't the main character use one of those phones I always hear about, the kind that blow up? That'd have been a blast. 4 out of 10.

Zilean: Ho ho ho! They portrayed those kids and their newfangled electronics with such magnificence. In my day, we didn't send pictures to our crushes, we wrote up notes. My favorite pickup line is this: time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana. I'd get all the ladies with that one. 10 out of 10. (Reviewer does not get all the ladies).

Zyra: This is why I live off the grid. 2 out of 10.



Submitted August 19, 2017 at 12:50AM by Papaya_Dreaming http://ift.tt/2fT1FZI leagueoflegends

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