I had always wondered, what could I have done differently to stop my life from ending up this way? I 'loved' my family, my mother, my father, my grandmother, and my sisters. My life was going at very fair pace. Though, to say my life was all sunshine, would be a lie. I had lost all of my grandparents and my eldest sister, one after another, all before I was even a teenager. This had severely damaged me, psychologically. My deceased grandmother was one of the few people in the world who hadn’t despised me or used my existence for benefits. I only felt empty. But I guess it was a small phase in my teenage years. As I grew up, and I had moved past it. I once again tried to smile. Then, one day, my world became even more amazing. My niece was born into the world. I said her name, “Nevaeh”, and it felt as though I could smile and laugh, I even cried from joy.
As I got see my niece grow up, I became protective of her, much like her mother was protective of me after my grandmother’s death. I helped raise her, since father died in a car accident when she was younger. I taught her how to ride a bike, to swim, to skate, to pick up and shoot hockey stick and shove those other bastard kids into the snowbank. It was fun. I had depended on this child as an anchor for life. She was my family and I loved her. One night, her mother had to leave for work, her shift was from eleven at night to eleven in the morning the next day. I was tasked with the babysitting duties. I allowed a couple of her friends to stay the night as well. A little boy with brown hair and blue eyes, Nicklaus. He was about the same age as Nevaeh (age 10). And a blonde haired, blue eyed, 11 year old, PAKAO. Oddly enough, her parents fled from their homeland of Serbia before she was born, to raise PAKAO in my country. Her parents were fucking weird, excuse my French. Like a bunch of Mormons on LSD. They were trying to sell me to their lord and savior, Baphomet, or something like that.
The night was fun. They stayed up late, playing Halo 3 and watching old Adam Sandler movies (most notably, Happy Gilmour and Billy Maddison), while I had been talking to my girlfriend on the phone in the kitchen and browsing the internet for shit to do.
I suppose for this story, I should give you (the reader) a description of the house my sister was living in. It was a small-to-medium sized house. The kitchen was connected to the living room, no walls, it was one giant room, I suppose. The main door to the house was at the end of the long hallway, to the right of the refrigerator (in the kitchen) and to the left of the couch, in the living room. There was a sliding door that connected the outside world with the jointed kitchen-living room. The staircase that lead upstairs were at the right end of the long hallway. Funny enough, I had probably drifted off around 1AM. I remember one last song playing before I drifted into unconsciousness, “What a Wonderful World”.
I dreamt that I, my niece, and Nicklaus, were running down that long hallway, running, running, running, trying desperately to open the front door and continue running down that endless road of despair. She kept yelling, “Come to PAKAO”, repeating it over and over again. All I had thought about was trying to keep Nevaeh and Nicklaus safe. There was loud sound, a crash. Then everything started to disintegrate. I all could say is, that it was like I was Desmond at the end of Assassin’s Creed: Revelations. Everything disappeared. A dream?
I woke up again, but this time, I woke up in a hospital. My mother was crying, and my sister seemed disconnected from reality. Then her lips began to move and words came out over her mouth, in a slow, disconnected sobering, “N-Nicklaus…. is dead. Nevaeh, my little girl, is dead!” She then began to scream at me, “WHY?! WHY did you get into that car?! I, I thought you were doing better! I thought I could trust you, I, not to relapse while watching the kids! YOU killed them” I and PAKAO were the only ones to survive the car accident.
I was a heavily medicated attempted-suicide survivor, and now, I am a convicted criminal who has served his time in prison and in the psych-ward. I killed two little children, including my niece. PAKAO was the only child to survive. And as my life continued, my family distanced themselves from me. All of my family. Except, PAKAO. She stayed with me for years. And, as I tightened the rope around my neck and kicked away my chair support, she cried, "You cannot leave PAKAO! NOT YET!" And so, here I am, stuck with HELL around me, as I type away at my story. Hopefully by the time you've read this, I will have finally died. I'm so sorry, Nevaeh.
Submitted August 31, 2017 at 07:12AM by hibye3 http://ift.tt/2wpu6TC nosleep
No comments:
Post a Comment