Nmom has still refused to repair her refrigerator or get a new one, and has spent more than 6 weeks in her vacation house over the past 8 weeks, leaving me here to fend for myself with no transportation and no way to get fresh foods. I am living on frozen dinners and have barely any room in the freezer to get more than a weeks worth since she has so much frozen food in the 2 freezers, all of which is probably more than 5 years old at this point.
There are also electrical problems all over the house and I am scared to death every day that the house is going to catch fire. I am disabled and can't move very well most days so this is really scary considering the only way out of the house is through the kitchen, which is where the wires literally smoking and sparking a few days ago. There is a short in my own bedroom that shuts all the power off in my bedroom but does not trip the breaker, so I have it turned off and have to run an extension cord down the length of the house to have power in my bedroom. My Nmom turned the breaker back on a few weeks ago because the outlet in the bathroom is somehow connected to my bedroom, and her electric toothbrush wasn't charging. So instead of moving said toothbrush, she put me at risk by turning the breaker back on.
I have been on the phone constantly looking for a way to get out of this house, but since I have no income I can not get any assistance until I am on disability, for which I have to wait on a hearing to be scheduled sometime around the end of summer next year. My lawyer can't do anything and there are no other options than me going to the local homeless shelter, but with my condition it really isn't a better option, but at this point it might be safer than what I'm dealing with here.
I'm getting more and more suicidal every day and have sat here staring at my pills many times thinking it could all just end in a few minutes and I'll never have to deal with this anymore. It keeps looking like a better option than having to deal with my medical issues and not being able to take care of myself for the rest of my life, having to depend on social security and being alone the rest of my life as well. I have no family that is able/willing to help, and all except my Aunt have all been corrupted by my Nmom and don't believe things are that bad here or that I really have an incurable condition that will only get worse over time. My Aunt was just here last week and saw the living conditions I'm dealing with and is horrified that my Nmom is making me deal with all of this while she goes to her vacation house to avoid dealing with anything here. I swear she is doing it out of spite and totally on purpose to make me leave. She constantly eats my food that I get with my food stamps, even after many times confronting her about it and telling her if she wants stuff from the store I will get it for her, since I rarely ever use the full amount of my food stamps every month. She sometimes does ask for things but still I find things missing from the freezer and she denies taking anything telling me that I must have not bought as much as I claimed. I was tempted to put the receipt from the store on the freezer to use as proof of my purchases, but she will just try to find another way of denying taking anything so why should I even bother.
I just want this nightmare to end and to get away from her forever. I don't know how I'm going to make it another year or more until my disability decision comes through, and if I get denied again I'm definitely not going to be able to handle having to start the whole process over again, which would mean another 3 years living here. I'm almost 40 years old and am treated like a child and berated all the time and I just can't take it anymore. I want to just go away forever.
Submitted August 25, 2017 at 11:40PM by throwthisawaywhenevr http://ift.tt/2vdPEVA raisedbynarcissists
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