How eating a bag of chips can lead to relapse.. NoFap

I know what you're thinking.

"What the hell is this click-bait title?"

"What do chips have to do with masturbation?"

While it sounds ridiculous, it actually makes perfect sense given some proper context. I'd like to share a story with you about bad decisions, and how they can really fuck you up in more ways than just NoFap.

 

Bad Decision 1

This morning started around 12 in the afternoon for me. This already isn't normal because I usually get up around 8 or 9 in the morning and eat my breakfast. What added those extra 3 hours? Urges. I had some pretty strong ones waking up. Though I used a tactic I'd been using for the past couple weeks that has worked wonders. Simply telling myself I'm above porn and masturbation, and that I no longer partake in such actions. I yell it at myself, basically shaming my conscious for thinking of such a thing. The urge died immediately, as they usually do, but then comes the first bad decision.. fantasizing. Instead of getting up, I decided to fantasize a little bit and previous sexual encounters. Not necessarily bad in my honest opinion, so long as you're able to control yourself NOT to masturbate or pull up some porn, but I digress and I'm adding it to the list of bad choices for today.

 

Bad Decision 2

So after some fantasizing and a brief nap, I finally got out of bed at 12 in the afternoon. I walk into the kitchen and start grabbing my regular breakfast meals, an apple, banana, cup of yogurt and cereal/oatmeal. Except, I only grab the apple and banana. I rationalized in my head that it'd be a bother to grab the bowl and milk for some cereal, and I had already closed the refrigerator before grabbing a yogurt, so I'll eat the other two items later on. So now I'm breaking my normal routine of breakfast, which probably had something to do with the earlier decision to not wake up on time.

 

Bad Decision 3

I take a shower with the plan to head out to a nature trail, shop a bit and pick up some much needed groceries for lunch. At this time, it's 2PM, an hour past the time I usually ate my lunch of 2 pb&j sandwiches. Not usually an issue, except I didn't have anymore bread, which was why I needed to go to the store. After getting dressed, I didn't leave the apartment. I started procrastinating.

"Do I really need those clothes?"

"It's pretty late now, should I really go to the nature trail?"

"Do I really need to buy that bread TODAY..?"

The first two thoughts were valid, I don't NEED to spend money on new clothes, and while nature trails are how I de-stress, the groceries, as I found out later were a necessity. Why? Well, because it lead to..

 

Bad Decision 4

I was hungry. I needed to eat something, but my regular lunch was out of the question since I didn't have the bread for it. So, I instead opened my pantry to see a bag of lay's chips. I grabbed the bag and started pouring. This was a particularly bad decision because for the past few days, I had really buckled down on a diet change. No more junk food, no more unnecessary sweets, just healthy choices. As I poured the chips, I could feel a little conversation going on in my head.

"You really shouldn't be doing this. You've done so well so far with avoiding this type of stuff.."

"But you're hungry and don't have anything else right now.."

The chips were eaten, and as if my body was trying to punish me, I felt scummy both physically and mentally, though only slightly. It's like I could feel this chips sitting in my stomach, and the fact that I had eaten them was in the back of my head. Next came the chocolate cake. It expired on the 17th this month, and since I already ate the chips, I may as well finish these last 3 slices and get them out the pantry. Same consequence, I felt them sitting in my stomach and I felt kind of bad about breaking my diet change thus far.

 

Bad Decision #5

From this point, I wasn't going anywhere anymore. I wasn't hungry anymore, so the immediate need to go grocery shopping died. I decided to save my money on those clothes, and I wasn't feeling well and eager enough anymore to go walking. So, I sat at my desk and watched some YouTube and played Dead by Daylight (great game!). Then, the urge hit. The voice I had relied on all the previous times to tell me I'm above such actions wasn't as loud as it usually was. It was quieter and no where near as forceful. Almost like a slight and weak suggestion rather a strong and confident fact. Taking advantage of the now weakened resolve, I pulled my laptop onto my bed, and relapsed, twice.

 

Lesson Learned? After coming down from the dopamine high we all know so well, I thought to myself what lead to my relapse, and reflected back on the day I had had. It then hit me all at once, like an "Ah-Ha!" moment. I gradually throughout the day made a bad choice one after the other. I consciously told myself why I didn't feel the need to do each task or routine I'd normally do.

1. Fantasizing - "I'm not going to masturbate, so I'll just enjoy these thoughts for a little then get my day started. Consequence - While I didn't relapse, I ended up nodding off again and sleeping for another 3 hours instead of getting my normal routine started.

2. 50/50 Breakfast - "I'll just eat the rest of my breakfast later on." Consequence - Though I did eat the cereal and yogurt later on in the day, it conflicted with my usual lunch time. Had I just eaten everything at once like normal, I wouldn't had sat down at my desk thinking about the necessity to go out while eating it.

3. Chips or Nah? - "I don't have my bread. A man has to eat.." Consequence - Knowing full well of the positive streak I had started with changing my food choices, I still decided to indulge in the chips "Just this one time". We all know how that phrase goes, leading to..

4. Cake "I already ate the chips. Plus these expired 3 days ago, may as well eat then instead of just throwing them out." Consequence - Feeling like shit after the terrible lunch of chips and cake I just had. No more motivation to leave the house.

5. The Quiet Urge "I've already broken my eating streak.." Consequence - Even though the voice tried to tell me no, it had been hindered through all of my previous bad decisions, and I followed through with the deed.

 

People, please understand. Both in your journey of NoFap and whatever other habits you're trying to form in order to better yourself and your life, bad decisions are dangerous. They may start out small, but they create a domino effect throughout your day, and by the time the dust settles, you'll have ruined your entire day, and if allowed the rest of your week, the month and maybe even the year. Consciously tell yourself that while this ONE bad choice may not seem to bad on it's on, it'll lessen your resolve to better yourself ever so slightly. Just enough to help you make the next bad choice.

 

So What Now?

Simple. For me, I need to go clean myself up, get dressed and take my ass to the store. While it's late and I don't WANT to go anywhere now, I'm much more aware of the decisions I'll be making from now on. It'll suck to head out so late, but if I don't do it now, I may wake up in the morning and convince myself to wait and go later in the day, leading to more bad choices that very well may lead to yet another relapse.

BE AWARE YOU GUYS!

Submitted November 21, 2017 at 06:07AM by The_KnewMe http://ift.tt/2jJnqgD NoFap