Respect John Egbert! (Homestuck) respectthreads

EB: it’s like we’re a super hero team, or some kind of anime squad. like the sailor moons, i guess, but not as lame, or as sexy.

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John Egbert is a fairly average boy living in suburban Washington with his father, on whose thirteenth birthday the story of Homestuck begins.

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Heir of Breath

When John ascends to God-Tier, he gains the classpect "Thief of Breath", which allows him a wide variety of abilities associated with wind and breath. This collectively is referred to by him as 'The Windy Thing'.

• Puts out fires across a planet

• Flies a car

• Wrecks a battlefield with tornadoes

• Lifts a battleship

• Destroys an army of monsters with tornadoes

• Turns himself into wind and back again

• [Blows away the clouds covering the planet LOWAS]()

• Turns into a tornado

• Blows around a large wizard statue

• Blows back the Condensce with his wind

• All God-Tier players have a conditional immortality. They cannot die permanently unless their death is judged “heroic” (for example, sacrificing themselves to save their friends) or “just” (for example, performing enough evil acts to warrant a karmic death)

• Together with Rose, blasts the Condensce with several energy beams

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Retcon Powers

After toying around with a mysterious artifact, John Egbert became unstuck in time, teleporting through time at random. However, he eventually learns to control this ability. As it turned out, this "retcon" time travel was hassle-free - anything he did while time-travelling became the "real" timeline without any messy paradox bullshit. It acts more like a form of narrative alteration rather than any real time travel.

• Retcons away the oil clogging the pipes on planet LOWAS

• Retcons an entire planet out of paradox space and into "literally nowhere"

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Equipment

• Claw hammer

• Pogo Hammer

• Wrinklefucker

• Fear No Anvil, which freezes those it hits in time ("You stun them with the cool time powers of your awesome new hammer")

• Warhammer of Zillyhoo

• Pop-O-Matic Vrillyhoo Hammer, which instills a random effect on the opponent when they are struck.

• Barber's Best Friend

• Barbasol Bomb

• Remote Ghost Gauntlet: A ghostly hand controlled by a metal gauntlet, which is strong enough to wield the massive warhammer "The Telescopic Sassacrusher. He also has a second one for his other hand

• Serious Business Glasses: Hands-free PDA glasses

• Rocket Pack

• Fetch Modus: An inventory system, allowing John to store objects and use them later. His first Modus is a "stack" system, meaning that the first object put into the sylladex is the first one that can be withdrawn. If he picks up too many objects, the overflow will shoot out with great force. Later on he combines that Modus with two others to create a Queuestack Array, with four stacks of six inventory spaces where any object from the first or last spot in a stack can be withdrawn. Eventually he picks up a wallet that allows him to withdraw any object at any time.

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Strength

• Pummels an Imp with a stick

• Smashes several Imps, including knocking away several Imps with one strike

• Defeats a massive monster in one hit

• Clashes with Bec Noir

• Beats up Caliborn

• Clobbers Vriska with one punch

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Agility

• Runs up a wall, does a flip, and catches a PDA before it hits the ground

• Leaps off a wall and into the hallway

• Triple-somersaults and sticks the landing

• Rapidly attacks some ogres

• Uses his wind powers to dodge Grimbark Jade

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Durability

• Gets smacked around by ogres

• Gets whacked by a refrigerator

• Gets rocketed through a wall

• Gets punched out of the comic by Cans

• Gets hit by a door kicked by Terezi

• Gets slammed into the ground by the Condensce

• Gets blasted by the Condensce's eye lasers

• Gets hit by several falling toilets and bathtubs

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Other

• Can play piano

Submitted November 26, 2017 at 07:20PM by Cleverly_Clearly http://ift.tt/2i88TKX respectthreads