Thanksgiving Part Three: Nmom think I'm the other woman. raisedbynarcissists

This is part three!

Part One: http://ift.tt/2BnRbHd

Part Two: http://ift.tt/2j2aXBD

So, on the night of thanksgiving, Edad had his rose colored glasses firmly snatched off.

I woke up the next day(Friday), and the house was quiet.

A cursory glance of the driveway told me Nmom was gone for the day, but Edad was not.

While still in bed on social media, Edad stood outside my door and asked me if I wanted to have lunch with him.

I said okay, sure, because as a domestic violence survivor(not because of Nmom, I have had an abusive ex in the past. I am not all together unconvinced that the abusive, toxic relationship with my mom was why I didn't recognize abuse for what it was until it was too late.), I knew that I couldn't give Edad time to try to justify the abuse.

I had to remain factual, and blunt, and help him see the abuse for what it was, as well as see the manipulation from her afterwards for what it was.

We went to Culver's(Judge me. Their cashew chicken salad is a work of culinary genius.), and sat down.

While there, we talked frankly about the facts:

• Nmom physically assaulted Edad over something that, in hindsight, was minor. A plastic tote of clothing in a hallway is not a reason to bite someone. Twice.

• Nmom has a history of this behavior. Going back to my childhood she's been verbally, physically, and emotionally abusive. When I was a teen, she and I clashed often, and enthusiastically. Now, as an adult, she still hasn't learned that she cannot simply attack people. She bounced my head off our refrigerator because I wanted McDonalds.

• Nmom has become increasingly hostile. At first, Edad and I assumed it was because my ex boyfriend was staying with us. But when my ex left, things only improved temporarily. Things are clearly still escalating.

• There is zero excuse for the abuse, in any capacity, but most importantly the physical abuse cannot be ignored.

Edad was a bit riled up, and started showing me the text exchange between him and Nmom. Most of it was happening on her end, she'd send him maybe 3-4 messages in a row, and he'd give one word answers or a short sentance.

Then he started getting even more irritated about her wanting to divorce, and her grounds for divorce, but wouldn't tell me right away what those grounds were.

It took a little convincing, but eventually he glanced around the dining room of Culver's, then down into his plate before finally speaking in a subdued tone: "Your mother thinks that the reason I defended you, and have kept defending you over and over in the past, is because you and I are having a sexual relationship behind her back."

[Record scratch.] Uhhhh. What?

Jesus. Fucking. Christ. On a cracker. This bitch has lost her goddamn mind.

I couldn't even believe it. I asked him "What?" about six times because thats how many times he had to repeat it before my brain could comprehend the words that he was saying, when they were introduced in that order.

Nmom thinks I'm sleeping with my BIOLOGICAL father!

Are you fucking kidding me?? That would never happen, because first of all EW!!! and second of all, WHAT THE FUCK!!!

When I could finally comprehend what was being said, my blood ran ice cold because I realized this made so much sense.

• It explains why she's never treated me like a daughter.

• Whenever I'm around she's palpably angry.

• Me and my dad used to go to museums, and plays all the time, after every excursion, my mom would be stand offish, and mean.

My Nmom thinks I'm the other woman.

Those words have rattled around inside my head like marbles ever since. My gast has never been so flabbered. I am shocked, shaken, confused, and disgusted.

It puts a sickly green tint over every interaction between my dad and I, even innocent things like him kissing my forehead or ruffling my hair.

My Edad is not a perfect person, he has never claimed to be. Over the years he has cheated on my mom quite a bit, no that's not okay, but if my Nmom had her choice they would have stopped having sex in 1997.

During Edads many affairs, there was one woman who my dad put himself between her and my mom when my mom tried to attack her. What my mom didn't know was that my dad thought the woman was pregnant with one of my half-siblings(the woman was not in fact pregnant at all, she was saying that to keep my dad around).

It's been a few days since this, clearly, here's a list of the things that have happened since:

• On Saturday(11/25), my dad asked Nmom for the keys to the Sonata. Instantly, she busted out the waterworks, and was extremely apologetic. She dried up faster than the Sahara desert when he explained that he wanted to update her IPass information.

• We have not exchanged cars.

• I have not spoken to Nmom since she accused me and Edad of sleeping together. I don't want her at my graduation ceremony in May.

• Edad has apparently settled into his fate, and I have neither the energy nor the patience to get him out while I'm in such a huge transition period of my life. Trying to pull Edad out of this mess will probably be too much for me, and prolong my own escape.

• Before I was undecided about NC, and even had hopes that my relationship with my Nmom might improve if we were on even footing, but as soon as I am no longer living here I plan to go completely, and unapologetically NC, with her mostly, and others if need be.

Submitted November 30, 2017 at 12:52AM by kait_1291 http://ift.tt/2BnRdij raisedbynarcissists