I have been married for 7 years and the marriage has slowly decayed over the years. My husband has a porn addiction which I didn't realize until 3 years ago. Before we got married I was very honest about how pornography was a deal breaker. The entire time of dating and marriage I found out he would go on casual encounters. I found this out because he went away to California for business and I found a draft to Someone called BBW46 and I asked what that was. At the time I didn't know what casual encounters was. He said he never met anyone and it was an accident. He just likes looking on those sites. We were in counseling at the time because I felt as though he didn't love me and he was very critical of me. I would try to stand up for myself and it would spiral into an argument. He apologized and said he would never do this behavior again. I tried to forgive him but he never really made any efforts in mending my insecurities hurt and pain. At the time my olderst was 3 and had a new born. I chose to stay in the marriage. Also through this marriage we fought over his father who was an alcoholic. He would come in and out of our lives and our children's lives and when he was in our lives my husband would be meaner and even more critical than usual. He would come to our house drunk. At one point he didn't show up to our oldest daughters first dance recital. I set a boundary that his father could not see the kids until his dad got treatment and stop drinking. His dad became ill with cancer and I compromised a year into the boundary if I could talk to his dad and set a boundary of no drinking around us and that he could not be mean to my husband and start arguments. That holidays and visits should be happy. His dad agreed and he was able to see the kids the last 9 months of his life. My husband spiraled into a deep depression. His father made him feel guilty for not seeing the kids. When I wasnt around he would ask my husband why I didn't let him see them and why I didn't like him. We had horrific fights through this period. With some help from friends and our marriage counselor I realized he was verbally and emotionally abusive to me. I set an expectation with him that I could t keep living like this. It never followed through. I would make ultimatums about divorce. We stopped seeing our counselor even he felt ineffective. In feb I found out my husband was back in his porn addiction and found a picture of his penis on his computer. I flipped out and I lost control. Broke the computer because he wouldn't let me see what else was there. I called him a bunch of names and told him the get out. He cried in the hallway. I felt bad hugged him and asked him to get treatment. He got a new counselor who he told he was there for couples coubseling so I had to start attending. She realized things were really bad and had him see a psychiatrist and he goes to intensive outpatient. He appears to be more patient now but does not follow through with showing me love acknowledging my pain and hurt and still is very critical of me. I threatened divorce because I thought I was ready but when it was too close I got scared. He is now very angry with me. It was our anniversary and I had asked for him to plan something and I usually ask for a gift. He sent flowers and a text message that day that said happy anniversary. He had IOP that night so I knew we couldn't do anything. I got him a card and box of his favorite chocolate. He is hard to buy for so I cleaned his office for three hours because he has a hard time organizing and I had got him a little refrigerator for his birthday 2 months back that he never set up. He cAme home from therapy and thanked me for the card and chocolates. I attempted to have sex with him and he appeared annoyed. He said his medicine makes him not be able to finish. I tried to muster through the sex because I knew he would be upset. He couldn't finish and just quit. I got upset because I felt like he made his mind up before and it triggered me to all the other times this happened with out medicine because he was looking at porn. I said great you will probably go watch porn now. He called me selfish and told me to get the hell out. It had been a battle for the next three days. I couldn't follow through with separating. Then I found posts on this website with him talking about me calling me STBXW. With all these people supporting him and that I have problems. A woman asking him to go for coffee. I'm just sick. I know I can't follow through and I feel like he will never love me. I feel like he glazes over what I need and how I'm hurt sad and depressed. I follow through with the counselors recommendations. I feel like I'm doing the best I can.
Submitted July 22, 2017 at 02:29PM by Bekind36 http://ift.tt/2uSluqu relationship_advice
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