This is mostly about my parents but the beginning is background info about what happened tonight with a housemate. I also posted this earlier tonight in r/narcissisticabuse but there are more people online on this sub and I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight after what happened:
A new roommate moved into my apartment today. While I was gone she moved my things off my only shelf in the bathroom to use it for herself even though there was already an empty one for her. She also took over another roommates shelf who's been gone all summer.
She blocked our fridge and counter with her boxes and left for at least two hours, but I moved her things so I could eat. I also moved my things back on to my shelf. She insisted on putting her litter box right next to the toilet and I'm definitely not comfortable with smelling a cat box every time I shower or brush my teeth so I moved it back to the common room. Our bathroom is tiny.
Then when she gets home that night, she's with two guys I don't know and I hear her complaining about the cat box, I told her I wasn't comfortable with it being in the bathroom and she said there was no where else to put it, then told me the cat only knows how to use it if it's in a bathroom. I don't know if that's legit or not but she put it back.
Then she notices that I took my shelf back. She comes pounding violently on my bedroom door. I think I went a little numb because she started yelling at me, calling me a bitch over and over again, telling me "you don't know me!" multiple times. I told her that she didn't ask for my shelf and her eyes are bulging and she's borderline yelling at me "my baskets only fit on that shelf!" I didn't decide to put your 40 different makeup bottles into baskets. It wasn't hers to take, she's completely filled our entire common room with her things. The two guys started joining in when I'd try to stand up for myself, I told her that she doesn't know me either and one of the guys said to me "well based on how you're acting, we kind of do".
I also told her hey when I moved in I didn't do this to the apartment (her things were everywhere blocking the kitchen and closets and she left it out for hours). I meant that I didn't take over peoples shelves and turn the common room into my own room. I asked her to clean up and she kept saying "I literally just moved in" angrily even though she's slowly been moving in over the course of a week.
This confrontation was within 10 minutes of meeting them. I wasn't the one yelling and swearing and pounding on someone else's door. I was actually surprisingly calm except for my pissed off face when she brought the cat box back into the bathroom. They all continued talking about me when I closed my door and our walls are paper thin, she started crying and was still saying mean things to me after I closed my door including "you're gonna get kicked out of here so fast, unwelcoming bitch". Then after a few minutes the three of them would be laughing, she'd be acting really bubbly and giggly then they'd say more mean things about me. Wow. Can you say "red flag."
Then I made the mistake of calling my parents. For my entire life I've been trapped in the narcissistic abuse cycle with my dad. Every part of it, stonewalling/silent treatments, him telling me he didn't want me living there every other day, exploding at me then gaslighing me they buying me ice cream and taking me shopping. I should have known better but I was just breaking down. He tried calling the cops, and actually drove an hour out to where I live to "have a talk with them." He wanted to beat up the guys she was with. All I wanted was to talk to him and I told him that, he gaslighted me like never before tonight. As if this new roommate wasn't bad enough.
I called my mom first. She was just supposed to come pick me up because I'm having car trouble and can't drive it now, but instead she went and picked up my dad and was bringing him to my apartment and I was mortified, his temper is terrifying. I told him that having my parents show up and fight my battles and yell at and threaten my roommates (we're all in our 20's) would make my life hell there after he left. I'm already started to look at new apartments to move into. He kept saying that there wouldn't be a problem after he left.
All I needed was emotional support and to be an to vent but he tried convincing me that what I needed was for him to talk to my roommates. He insulted me for getting so emotional on the phone and told me that I shouldn't do it again because I was hysterical. He said I was so hysterical that it was misleading and it meant that I wanted him to come out there and talk to my roommate. He said that if I didn't want him interfering and talking to my housemates that meant that I always want everyone to treat me like shit. I thought it was ironic when he was yelling "are you just gonna go through life letting people treat you like crap?" And I said "apparently".
After some initial roundabout conversations in which he'd ignore and/or invalidate everything I said I actually started screaming and hyperventilating for twenty minutes on the phone begging him to turn around. I can't believe I did this but I threatened to kill myself and I meant it. I told him I couldn't handle him going up into my apartment, enough had happened already that night and I needed to leave. He interpreted that by saying he'd handle it and I could stay outside. All of this was close to 11 pm. My throat is raw from screaming. I would have tried to get to a hospital for my own sake but I was too afraid to leave in case the cops showed up.
That girl and her friends were really mean to me and I have no intention of engaging with her again, but my parents tried convincing me that they were going to physically harm me, and they were gonna lock me out of the house and steal my things. I'm paranoid now because I'm starting to believe them. Things have been tense in my apartment for a while with a different roommate who my therapist says is very narcissistic and that's a long story, but now it's really unbearable. And those two roommates are good friends and coworkers. Triangulation?
Eventually after twenty minutes of me screaming and begging on the phone for my dad to just respect my boundaries, he told me he wouldn't go up into my apartment but "they better not be outside." So I'm just sitting in my car wondering how the hell he could completely ignore me saying that I was suicidal because all he wanted to do was explode at my housemates. He had no emotional the entire time and I even told him that he was making me have a breakdown, he kept insisting over and over again on "just talking to them."
It's about an hour drive between us, and I was sitting in my room because the housemates had all left. During the conversation with my dad I was sitting in my car but now I'm upstairs and I hear the door open and some people come in, I assume it's some of my housemates or something but nope, it's my parents. They walked right in. No text, no knocking, they didn't even talk to me. My mom went straight for the refrigerator? Probably her way of subtlety snooping around. My dad was asking where everyone was. He'd point to a closed door and demand "who's in there? Why is the door closed? Where is everyone?" Towards the end of our phone call I saw them all leave and I told him that, but he thought I was lying. I told them not to come inside and they just barge in and linger when I try to leave.
My mom also brought this single tiny cardboard box like I'm gonna move out that night. She insisted that I hide it in my room. I have no where to move to yet. I was pissed that they came into my apartment after all that. They said they expected me to still be in my car, when I asked where they were on the phone he didn't give me a time or anything so how was I supposed to know when they'd be there? I asked why they didn't text me saying they were there and he snapped at me "why does it take you 15 minutes to get your things?" I asked if I was supposed to telepathically know when they got there and I don't even remember what he said back to that.
As we're driving away I said that I'm never coming to them again when I'm upset. My dad said he'll be back when something happens and I told him that I'm not going to try and talk to him about my housemates again. He said I don't have to, he'll just "find out" on his own. What does that even mean? And I NEVER talk like this to my parents but this all blew me away. A few minutes into the car ride and they're just talking like nothing happened, laughing, making jokes about my situation. I wanted to open up the car door and hurl myself into traffic. I literally told him I was suicidal and that I thought I needed to go to a hospital. He completely ignored it.
We drop my dad off and he says flatly "sorry if I upset you" and I tried to respond but I had just been silent for an hour after screaming and crying and I couldn't get a word out at first when I tried to. He gave me like 3 seconds to respond then just muttered something and got out of the car. I feel betrayed and confused. My mom decided that I said one of them hit me while I was on the phone with her initially which I NEVER said because it didn't happen. Then I'd tell her I didn't say that and she'd say "well it sounded like it."
I guess it means something that they picked me up so I wouldn't have to be in that horrible apartment but holy shit. I can't even think straight. I don't see my therapist until Friday so I just needed to get this out there.
THIS is when they decide to pull the "parent" card? Not all the times my dad told me I was faking when I was sick? When I had appendicitis and had to wait almost 24 hours to go to the ER because it was "just my period?" Only for my mom to kick me out a week after the surgery then act like nothing happened? Not when I was having panic attacks when I was 12 because my mom told me she sold our house on purpose because I wanted to live with my dad and it wasn't fair for me to leave her all alone when in reality we lost the house because of financial reasons but she fucking blamed me and didn't tell me the truth for years?
She let me move in with my dad knowing how abusive he is because she was afraid I wouldn't like her for keeping me from him, then years later when I was breaking down and crying until I couldn't breath almost every night because he would come home screaming at me, she found it to be validating because I was experiencing the abuse too, it wasn't just in her head. When there was a guy with a gun on my college campus, she texted my dad and asked him to call me because she didn't want to be the one calling me in case my ringtone somehow let the shooter know where I was.
Or when I couldn't go to college right away after high school, after working my ass off to get good grades and be on the honor roll almost every semester and being accepted to about 7 different colleges despite my dads abuse, because he couldn't sit down and fill out the fafsa correctly so I got no financial aid? When I was a kid and no one taught me how to tie my shoes or ride a bike, but I became my moms therapist in second fucking grade after her first abusive boyfriend.
I'm past my breaking point, I haven't found a new apartment yet, I'm terrified to go back into the one I'm living in and I'm gonna be constantly worried about my dad showing up at my apartment or calling the cops after I begged him not to because I'm just trying to avoid drama until I move out, there's no changing my housemates and I feel unsafe enough there as it is. Now I'm in my moms living room with a migraine, full of panic. I never should have called them, I knew better too.
I don't have a lot of friends I've just been trying so hard to keep myself together and keep my grades up so I can support myself after college. I need someone to tell me that I'm not crazy because I feel crazy and in my mind I keep trying to convince myself that I'm the bad guy in every situation.
Submitted July 30, 2017 at 12:20PM by treehouse500 http://ift.tt/2v81fov raisedbynarcissists
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