its been a rough summer college

where do i begin...

in march i was accepted into a very good school, one that a lot of my family has attended including both of my parents. i am the first person among my cousins who was accepted so obviously my family is very excited. my extended family all live within 15-30 minutes of this college while my immediate family lives roughly three hours away, in another state.

however, i have been dreading college for well over the past year. i think my parents knew this, because they basically had to drag me to apply to the measly three schools i applied to. but since this past march, where i found out where i was actually going to enroll to, i think i have had early depression starting.

staring at the university logo on our refrigerator or looking at any t-shirts of the school colors makes me extremely sad, basically ruining that day until i hopefully get to sleep. this summer has been filled with sleepless nights and a lack of emotions besides sadness.

then, in early june i went off with my mom to orientation. of course, all the meetings and barrage of info sucked but i really got to the point i cannot imagine myself being at the school, and in a bigger sense any college. overnight at orientation i thought to myself "i'd rather just die than go to college." NO, i am not suicidal but i did think that while there and quite frankly its scary thinking that i thought that.

i finally told my parents about how i've been feeling the past year, and we went to a counselor. it kind of helped, but it was mostly the same stuff my parents have been telling me about college. im very close with my parents so they are obviously extremely concerned. this has also led to arguments like we've never had before which is making me even sadder.

here i am now, still feeling extremely sad and discouraged. i really do think that deep down i want to be excited and be happy about school, but then i think about this school and my attitude gets so negative and sad i'm pretty much preventing any chance of that happening. i have three more weeks until i leave and im really dreading it. i wish i could take a gap year or something but i know i cant because my parents have already deposited money and paid a lot for the upcoming semester. i used to think i hated high school, now i wish i could have on more year living at home with my family and brother and not having to be so sad and depressed.

Submitted August 01, 2017 at 08:56AM by sonicslushie13 http://ift.tt/2vnroAd college