My father, before he molested me, would sometimes, technically, give me a choice. But it wasn't really a choice. The choices would be things like:
"Hey dad I need you to sign something for school."
"Sure, you'll have to do something for me first."
"No I'm not going to do that."
"Then I'm not going to sign your paper."
This "choice" would be given to me often during my teenage years. Anything to do with school where I needed parental permission/signature, anytime I wanted to hang out with friends, anytime I needed money was the worst. I always felt like a cheap prostitute afterwards. He would even put a lock on the refrigerator sometimes so I had to go to him if I wanted fed. So, sometimes I let him molest me, and if he didn't like my performance, he wouldn't give me what I wanted anyway. That would always make me cry. I almost told a school counselor, but I felt like I wouldn't have been believed.
I keep having to remind myself that I didn't really have a choice, that it's his fault not mine, but there's still that nagging voice telling me I should have resisted harder. But I didn't.
Submitted July 28, 2017 at 07:00AM by Heavilyabusedgirl http://ift.tt/2h7CWBa rapecounseling
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