The New Rule for Entry to Heaven Jokes

God called Saint Peter to him, and he told him "From this moment onward, to enter heaven, one must have an interesting or otherwise notable death story." Saint Peter was puzzled, but he complied. Saint Peter went down to the Pearly Gates, and when the first person arrived, Saint Peter explained the rules. The man sighed, and begun his explanation.

"You see, Saint Peter, I was a man who lived to support my family. I was a hard worker, and every day I got home tired. And today, I arrived home at my high-rise apartment, and I saw my wife covering her naked body on the bed. And I thought to myself 'how could she do this? I live to support her, so how could she dare cheat on me?' I was furious, and I nearly tore my apartment down looking for whoever she was cheating with. Finally I found him, he was hanging off the edge of our balcony. I started stepping on his fingers, I was so angry. He let go eventually, and he fell down 6 stories to the ground below, but somehow he didn't die! I hardly had any control of myself however, and I was so mad that I just grabbed my refrigerator and threw it off the balcony. But my adrenaline was too high, Saint Peter, and I had a heart attack and died."

Saint Peter decided that this story was more than interesting enough, so he let the man pass into heaven. Saint Peter then explained the rules to the next man, and the man told his story.

"You see Saint Peter, I'm a man of fitness, and I really care about my physique. So I was running on my treadmill, up in my 7th floor apartment, and, I don't know, something happened to my treadmill and it started getting faster and faster, and before I was able to pull the emergency stop, I was shot out of my apartment. By some miracle I managed to grab onto the balcony, and then some asshole comes and starts STOMPING on my fingers! Would you believe me Saint Peter? I was forced to let go of the balcony, but somehow I managed to survive the fall, and then a fucking FRIDGE falls on me!"

Saint Peter was shocked at the coincidence, and let the man pass into heaven. A third man came, and Saint Peter explained to him the rules. The man smiled, and said "Are you ready for this Saint Peter? Ok, so I'm naked, and I'm hiding in a fridge..."

Submitted July 25, 2017 at 03:50AM by InsignificantThing http://ift.tt/2vD0r8i Jokes