Hello Reddit.
A bit of background: When I was 18 years old I moved away from my grandparent's home to attend college. Each break, I have driven home to visit them for pretty much the entire break.
My grandparents live in a pretty isolated area in the woods making travel plans a bit difficult at times. Unless I drive, I have to be picked up in a town 2 hours away, which can be hard on them. To save them the trouble, I have driven to their house each time I visit. As the years have went on, my car has gotten older and requires more expensive maintenance. I just had some big repairs done, which cost $800. As a student, it has taken a hit to my finances.
This year I headed out the day before Christmas eve. I was halfway to their home and was near St. Louis when my car's heater just died! I stopped to get some food, warm up and notify my family, but couldn't get a hold of them. I decided I didn't want to drive 6 more hours in cold temperatures so I decided to head back home which was closer than my grandparents house.
My grandparents, among other people in the family were upset with my decision to head back home instead of staying the night in the St. Louis town by myself. I went ahead and spent Christmas day with friends in my college town and then left at 3am on Wednesday evening to take a bus to my grandparents state.
Each year I've visited home, it seems like conditions just become worse. My grandparents don't like to spend money on electric bills and don't run the central heat or AC. In bad weather, it can honestly be miserably hot or just plain cold!
My grandmother also is a bit of a hoarder and is unclean. There are "stacks" of stuff all over the house. There are very few clear surfaces. Many of the stacks of stuff cover up wall outlets and its hard to charge or use devices here. The refrigerator is full of old food, but my grandmother becomes upset if you throw it out. I do not like to eat the meals or food here, because they are more often than not made with old food and my tummy becomes ill after eating.When I drive, I usually bring a ton of snacks to avoid eating the food here. Since I took a bus this year, I couldn't bring extra snacks.
Another occurring problem is the fleas -- They have had 2 dogs over the years and do not give their dogs flea medicines. They've gone out and bought bottles of raid to spray around, even on the dog's bedding. The dog has sores from constantly scratching at the flea bites. There are so many fleas that I even found a few on me in bed. They have no business owning a dog and I just hate seeing the poor animal suffer each time I visit.
Along with the above problems, my grandmother has a very overbearing personality. Any time I try to talk to my grandfather, she will come in and listen to our conversations. I usually have to wait until she lays down for her nap to talk to him in private. When she is awake, she is often following me around the house and I have very little privacy. If I lay down for bed, she will come into the bedroom and continue to try and chat with me. I understand she just misses me, but it drives me crazy that I can't have my own personal space.
I honestly dont think I can make these visits anymore. I don't deserve to have to stay in these conditions. The rest of my family guilts me for not wanting to visit, because "they are my grandparents have done a lot for me and may not be around much longer". My boyfriend and I have our own place now and two pets to take care of. Im afraid I'm going to bring fleas back with me that will infest my pets...! I have tried to explain to my grandmother I can't stay long periods of time because I have my own life now at my home. This next Spring, I will also be graduating from college and will be starting a research position and these long visits will need to be discontinued.
I honestly can't do these visits any longer, because it has become quite dreadful. How do I handle the guilt trips from my family and possible upset from my grandmother about not visiting anymore? It honestly does make me feel a bit guilty, but I just cant stay in these conditions.
tl;dr: It has become a custom to visit my grandparents twice a year in the summer and during the Christmas holiday/NewYear but filthy conditions, poor heating and cooling, fleas and my grandma's overbearing personality make it nearly impossible. How do I talk to her about some of these issues and make it clear I won't be visiting any longer without hurting her feelings?
Submitted December 30, 2016 at 09:31AM by NoFleasAtChristmas http://ift.tt/2iw4CMY relationships
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