Josh's Hell rant

Buckle up I got a story

In high school my class read Dante's Inferno. A fun discussion was creating punishments for modern day offenses (jaywalkers, loud talkers, last-pizza-slice theif). It was a fun class and sometimes to blow off steam I still think of humorous punishments that fit the crime.

I want to describe my coworker Josh's personal hell. Located in the middle circle is where Josh spends eternity. It's a constant 74 degrees in his little room. He has a television that can show him whatever his heart desires anything past, present, future, heaven, earth, multiple universes you can see it Josh.

There's a refrigerator, that manifests any food/beverages he fancies. The room also serves as a holodeck where he can live out any possible adventure. Josh you want to fuck a mermaid on robot pirate island? You can have it. All of it. You're God without guilt. Master of your prison, but you have to share it.

You have to spend eternity with Andy Dick. He will forever be tethered to you CONSTANTLY complaining.

If you want to watch the civil war you'll do it with Andy complaining about the screen resolution.

If you want to fuck Scarlett Johansen you'll have to do it while Andy Dick loudly bitches and moans about his day in hell.

Andy will passive agressively roll his eyes and sigh when you order Indian food from the magic fridge.

This room in Hell isn't about you Josh, you have to go about the rest of time listening to Andy Dick bitch about nothing.

Because that's what it's like working with you, Josh. Everyday you slink into the office loudly sighing until someone asks what's wrong. You know what? You're not the center of the goddamn universe and I don't give a shit about your tiny inconviences. I use to think maybe you were depressed but now I see you're just a boring self-important child that can only get attention by complaining, you don't want solutions or a friend you want to bitch because that's the ONLY way people will talk to you. I'm done being around your whiny ass. Life is not fun sometimes, you know what most people do? They eat their shit sandwich, brush their teeth and tell a fucking joke because we're all going to die and you complaining is just shitting in everyone elses' sandwiches. Now i'm complaining, rant over! God that felt good to write!

Submitted December 24, 2016 at 02:13PM by purplepillpaulblart http://ift.tt/2hhV0Xi rant