I'm trying to sort out and make sense of the behavior of my ex, who was raised by an addict and an ndad. He inherited his mom's addition issues, which is why I finally left, but I'm curious about some of his other behavior. I'm trying to sort the substance abuse behavior from the psychological damage and make sense of what I experienced in the relationship.
He was passed around a lot as a kid. Stayed with his mom's friends, who were using, and a grandmother, etc. His dad sort of left him with her. When he was with his dad, his dad was extremely critical. He suffered a lot of neglect. I think as a child he learned that certain emotional responses were not in his self-interest. That being upset or angry in any way... were just a kind of luxury he couldn't afford. His day-to-day situations were just too precarious for a kid who made trouble (acted like a normal kid).
I'm wondering how you all would predict that kind of self-moderating behavior would effect someone as an adult. How someone who wasn't allowed to experience anger or any kind of extreme emotion would process feelings as an adult. How would you expect that person to develop?
I know there was a period in his late teens/early twenties where he would do things like break into houses and pee in people's refrigerators, throw bricks through people's windshields, things like that. He now feels guilty about those things, which I'm glad about. I think it's healthy that he feels shame about that (while also understanding why he did those things.) But I don't think he's really discovered a healthy means of expressing his anger.
I don't think I ever really got close enough to him to understand what he does with his emotions. But I'd like to know. I'd like to try to find a way to communicate with him if possible. Anyway I don't want to be angry with him for things outside of his control. Any insight would be appreciated.
Submitted December 19, 2017 at 08:36AM by lala__ http://ift.tt/2kh6Zph raisedbynarcissists
No comments:
Post a Comment