The Big Salad copypasta

Its fascinating. When you go into a stationery store that they’re manufacturing millions of pens; constantly we’re all buying them. I must have bought six thousand Bics in my life. I’ve used up maybe two of them. Where are the rest of them? When you move the refrigerator there’s a couple back there but it doesn’t account for it. Where are all the pens? That’s why it’s so embarrassing if you don’t have one. You got a pen? Can I borrow a pen? We always have to whisper because it’s so humiliating. I don’t have a pen. They’re making millions of them every week! I know; where are they?

Stationer: May I help you?

Elaine: Yeah, uh, I'm looking for a Rollamech 1000 mechanical pencil.

Stationer: Oh, I know the Rollamech 1000.

Elaine: No, I'm sure you do.

Stationer: They're pretty expensive.

Elaine: Well, it's for my boss.

Stationer: What do you do?

Ex; Whatever.

Stationer: Well, we don't have any in stock right now but I would be happy to order it for you. Just give me your phone number and when it comes in I'll give you a call. You're name is?

Elaine: Elaine.

Stationer: Elaine, . . . and your last name?

Elaine: It's just Elaine, like Cher. Ha ha ha

Stationer: And your number?

Elaine: Uh, aw, KL5-239O.

Stationer: Okay. Thanks a lot. You'll be hearing from me.

Elaine: Okay, [to Jerry] Move along. . .

Jerry: Why did you give him MY number?

[On the street]

Elaine: I think he's got ideas.

Jerry: I wonder if any woman ever said that about Einstein?

Jerry: Call me when the pencil comes in Okay?

[On the street]

Elaine: Just call me when the new pen comes in, okay?

Jerry: Why does Mr. Pitt prefer a pencil to a pen anyway? Hey. Look who's here.

George: Hey, hey.

Elaine: Hey hey

Julie: Hi Jerry.

Jerry: Hi Julie.

George: Elaine, Julie.

Elaine: Hi.

Julie: Hi.

Julie: Oh, hi. Elaine's my middle name.

Elaine: Oh, mine's "Ike".

George: Hey, wanna get some lunch?

Jerry: Just had a big bowl of Kix.

George: Ah, well, that's very mature. What about you?

Elaine: Ah, no.

Julie: Please come, Elaine.

Elaine: No, no. How about if you bring me back something?

George: Sure, all right, what do you want?

Elaine: Um, hum, I don't know.. . . A big salad?

George: What big salad? I'm going to the coffee shop.

Elaine: They have big salads.

George: I've never seen a big salad.

Elaine: They have a big salad.

George: Is that what I ask for? The BIG salad?

Elaine: It's okay, you don't…

George: No, no, Hey I'll get it. What's in the BIG salad?

Jerry: Big lettuce, big carrots, tomatoes like volleyballs.

George: (???), we'll see you in a little while.

[Jerry's]

Elaine: Maybe I should just get married.

Jerry: Dating is really starting to get embarrassing isn't it?

Elaine: I know. You know, whenever I'm on a date I feel people can tell.

Jerry: People on dates shouldn't even be allowed out in public.

Elaine: You can say that again.

Jerry: It's embarrassing for them. It's painful for us to watch. I'm going out with someone later, I'm not even taking her out of the house.

Elaine: Good for you.

Jerry: I don't need a bunch of people staring at us.

Elaine: Right on baby. (???)

[noise from hall]

Jerry: What was that?

[Kramer enters with his golf clubs]

Kramer: That Gendason, what a jerk. I'm never playing golf with him again.

Elaine: Who Gendason?

Kramer: Steve Gendason.

.Elaine: Why is that name familiar? Hx: He used to be a baseball player.

Elaine: Oh, how did you end up playing golf with him?

Kramer: Well, I met him on the course a couple of years ago. Yeah. Played with him a lot. But today was it! We're on the fifteenth hole, ya, he's beating me by a couple of strokes. Then, he's about to hit his second shot, when, he picks up the ball and CLEANS it.

Elaine: So what?

Kramer: Umph, sorry! But the rules clearly state that you cannot clean the ball unless it's on the green. The rules are very clear about that.

Jerry: Certainly are.

Kramer: Ya, so I penalized him a stroke.

Jx; Ah, so what happened?

Kramer: He LOST IT! We almost came to blows. We were face to face like a manager and an umpire like this . . kara a pukka ba ya ka ba . . .

Jerry: All right. You're in MY face.

Elaine: I still don't see what the big deal is.

Kramer: A rule is a rule. And let's face it. Without rules there's chaos.

[Monks]

Julie: I like Anna ???'s column and Sapphire. Don't you like Sapphire?

George: Oh, Sapphire. Uh ha

Julie: Although at times can be rather pedantic.

George: He can be pedantic. He can be pedantic.

Julie: And Bob Herbert's great. He's the Daily News.

George: Yes. Yes. You know what's interesting. The quarterback for the Atlanta Falcons is Bobby Hebert. No "r" which I find fascinating. You know it's Herbert h-e-r-b-e-r-t, Hebert h-e-b-e-r-t. "Hebert" it's a fun name to pronounce. Try and say it Hebert. Take a shot. All right. [check arrives] All right. I

got it.

Julie: No, no. I'd like to take you out.

George: No, Julie, Julie, don't insult me. You know, what difference does it make who pays for lunch. It's totally meaningless.

Julie: Okay, thanks, George.

Wx: Here's your big salad to go.

Julie: Oh, thank you.

[Jerry's]

Jerry: [on phone] Hello. No she's not here. Okay, fine, whatever. I'll tell her. Okay. Goodbye. The stationery store guy called to say he ORDERED your pencil.

Elaine: I told ya'. He has ideas.

Jerry: He doesn't even care if a man answers.

Elaine: Or you.

[George and Julie enter]

George: Hey, hey.

Elaine: Hey.

Julie: Sorry e're late.

Elaine: No problem.

Julie: Here's your big salad.

Elaine: Thank you, Julie.

Submitted December 29, 2017 at 02:44AM by PyroxeneFPS http://ift.tt/2zJ1MeP copypasta