I need to understand what to do here. And it is all over the place. I’m not sure how to even begin. I fell madly in love with a man who I am currently engaged to. He was hot, successful, and so much fun. We would go out == dance ….have sex hours. God he can be amazing.
But soon I realized that he was controlling and very jealous. So much has happened since we met and are now engaged. We live together and we fight a lot. We fight nearly daily. He is a hot head. We come from different backgrounds so I think that i’m sensitive == but he is one that screams and yells at the drop of the hat.
For example. We came home tonight. He says I don’t clean his house enough with him. he is a high level executive and he gets angry when he has to clean his house. I clean up after myself. But I work more hours than he does — so I often feel like…. I don’t have time or responsibility to do this. Clearly I was wrong. I am also a high level exec and he seems to be jealous — even though he says MY problem is that I am jealous of HIM.
He says that I am not cleaning as much as he is. He complains non stop. He LOSES things almost daily. His mail keys….his work pass card — his credit cards and he CONSTANTLY insinuates that it is ME hiding these things from him! I have nEVER done that! But he says it is “so mysterious that things just disappear” Today he found his glasses and wallet after 3 hour of searching…in his car. He never apologized to me for insinuating it was me. He is 50 btw.
So today — we went to lunch. After all of this blaming — I was trying to keep a stiff upper lift. I had a glass of wine at 2pm. Then at dinner — I had 2 glasses of wine. 8pm. He had a cocktail. He told me he was not happy that I drank so much today and that I have a real problem. When we got home I started cleaning — (he said he wanted to clean when we got home) When I started to go through the refrigerator I realized all the crap he left in there from thanksgiving. As soon as i mentioned it — he sad I have a double standard and that I am one to talk. He said that I don’t clean enough. That he picks up after me — he found 2 glasses I left around the house — and he’s sick of it.
I said I do my own laundry! I pick up all of my own clothes — and just because I don’t do your laundry everyday — there’s a problem?
He said I have a chip on my shoulder….and should move on —— and that he didn’t like the look on my face — and said I like to turn myself into a victim. And said since I drank a total of 3 glasses of wine (in 9 hours) - I clearly am being impacted by alcohol. then he asked if i was taking drugs! i have NEVER taken a single drug in my life!!! he knows this!!!! not even marijuama in high school
He is super rude. For example — after all of this…. He was cleaning and said “is this my shirt?” referring to the shirt of his he found on the bed. I said “no…that’s clearly another man’s.. ha ha” He said “yeah well it’s VERY possible . I see how you are acting.. I think you could EASILY have another man here.” I said OMG. That’s sick. Apologize! He said youjsut get off on asking for apologiies. You are crazy. I don’t know what’s going on —the way you are acting — you could totally have a new man here.
I ignored the rest of his insults. Then he said: “can i put music on?” I said sure. He said “you are so happy to be here…huh?” I said what are you talking about? I just said it’s fine. He said you don’t seem fine and i’m sick of your shit.
I said turn on the music — he said “why are you so impossible?” I said I’m not — I just don’t understand what’s going on here…
He said “what kind of music do you want” I said “you pick” I said YOU pick. He said “wow …not gonna tell me? You have problems! What is WRONG With you?”
Then he turned on some rock music and started clapping loud and the music was VERY loud. He knew I was trying to sit and work…. and here I am sitting on my laptop… and the music is blaring — and he believes “I AM” the problem. I am tired =— I am trying to understand the issues here… and I keep wondering how I can change things - But tonight - I am wondering if I could ever solve any of this?
What would you say? Can this be salvaged? Is he the problem —or am I just being super subjective — Am I the victim as he says?
Submitted December 11, 2017 at 09:24AM by coarpo http://ift.tt/2B9dTqg relationship_advice
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