Hi, I was hoping I could get some insight into the fair division of labor in order to help support my husband while he is in school.
My husband recently started his last two years of his bachelors degree after complications from moving to the states. Currently, he goes to work in the mornings, leaves work sometime between 1:00 and 4:00 (depending on the day), stops by the house to let the dogs out, and goes to class in the evenings (our house is on the way to school). I currently work from 8:30-4:30 or 5:30, and go home for lunch to take the dogs out on Mondays and Wednesdays. I work from home on Fridays, so all dog-related chores are delegated to me on that day. I also like to get in about an hour of gym time as often as I can (~5 days a week including weekends). I used to go in the mornings on occasion (a schedule agreed upon by my husband); however, he recently asked me to leave the mornings open for him so he could go in the AM (which he has only done once). Currently, I am walking the dogs in the morning to give him time to get ready for work since he goes in earlier than I do.
My question is this: what is a fair amount for me to 'give up' in order to make this easier for him? The schedule I described above is what he decided in order to make it as fair as posible, but last night we got into a big argument. I am at least doing 50% of the chores, but he says this is not enough and wants me to do more. I am happy to do so, but his expectations are a bit unrealistic. He wants me to come home from work every day at lunch time to let the dogs out, something that is not feasible for me to do every day. He will tell me I can go to the gym at night, and then get mad at me for going because I should be at home making his life as easy as possible.
For example, yesterday was Tuesday, which is the agreed upon day when he would go home for lunch to walk the dogs. He asked me not to go to the gym that morning; rather, he wanted me to walk the dogs that morning and go at night, which I did. After the gym, I told him I needed to go grocery shopping and would cook when I got home. He texted me after the gym and told me he also needed me to stop on the way home and get some puppy food, and in exchange, he would cook. So we did htat. I did the dishes, put the leftovers in the refrigerator, took a shower/bath, and folded the clothes from last night while he did homework. He then got mad at me because apparently I had not done enough that day, and he told me I was not supportive and that it was easier when he was single.
My question is this: what in the world do I do? He will tell me it's okay to do one Thing, but will secretly get mad at me for not going 'above and beyond' to skip said Thing to help him. I told him last night he should communicate very specifically the tasks he wants me to do, and he said, "Do more work." He will not ask me to do specific things because he feels that a) either I will complain and it would be easier for him to do it, or b) I should 'just know' what to do to make his life easier.
I understand he is busy and I have more free time than he does. I feel like I have made efforts to rearrange my schedule as he has asked to accommodate him, but I am not sure what else to do. How much of my own time should I be giving up to help him?
Thanks!
TL;DR: husband is working and in school, is unsatisfied with the division of labor. I work full time and am curious how much of my non-work time I should be giving up to support him while he's in school. Feeling overwhelmed.
Submitted January 18, 2017 at 10:20PM by fowlkris87 http://ift.tt/2jxgS2V relationships
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