Here is the link to my original post: http://ift.tt/1SkzWs2
First of all: I don't think words can show how grateful I am for the time so many of you took to comment and give me insight/advice I had never considered. Thank you so much. It gave me clarity and a much clearer approach to take rather than just assuming my sister is incredibly annoying.
So I called my Dad last night and in a very nice way explained how I was concerned about Lena, and outlined some of the behaviors to him and explained how it isn't simply annoying to us.. There has to be some inner turmoil she is dealing with.
He then revealed to me she saw a therapist when she was about 12 years old because of a compulsion associated with cheese. Apparently, whenever she saw cheese in our refrigerator, she HAD to eat it. She could not go to bed, fall asleep, or continue any daily routine without finishing the cheese she had seen in the fridge.
This explains why she once physically hit me because I ate some of her mozzarella balls last summer (I didn't know they were hers, they were just in the fridge).
So I explained that I didn't think this issue was resolved, and has manifested itself in many different ways that go for beyond cheese.
Unfortunately my dad was not as receptive as I thought he would be. Despite my best efforts to make this come across as a concern from a loving sister, I think he still interpreted it as me trying to find fault and flaw in Lena. He quickly turned the conversation to my younger sister Bella (15), and how her academic performance is his "main concern" right now, and that Lena will figure out what path she would like to take.
I am in a different state for about 2 more weeks until finals are over. I am going home for 2 weeks to see old high school friends, etc. but am them returning to my college town for the summer as to avoid this toxic family dynamic.
During those two weeks I am going to do this: (1) Not instigate Lena in any way. I know this will require a lot of tiptoeing, and being very careful, but I really want to observe her behavior and watch how she reacts to others. I texted her yesterday and asked if she wants to go to dinner with me when I'm back home. She agreed, and we set a date, time, location, and discussed what we were going to wear. This is totally in her comfort zone, and I'm glad we have this set up.
(2) At dinner with Lena I'm just going to ask how everything is going, but also am going to tactfully ask some questions (ANY help/ideas with this will be appreciated!!) about how certain things my sisters do make her feel. I want to hear her side of things. Hopefully, during this conversation I can give her a sense of my genuine concern for her well being that comes from a good place. Hopefully she can come to realize that her anxiety/routine is stopping her from living a happy life, and that she has to seek help.
My parents have never been ones to "believe" in mental illness necessarily. We are estranged from both sides of our family because they are, according to them, "crazy." Now I have no proof to back that up, but I think my parents are in denial about how problematic our family dynamic has become. My mom has no tolerance for talk about mental illness, so if my dad didn't see this as a priority, my mom would honestly laugh at me. This is why Lena needs to realize for herself that she needs help, and I don't know what else to do but to have a mature one-on-one conversation with her.
Again, thanks so much for all the comments. So many of you came from different angles, and it was very helpful to see different sides of the situation I had not considered.
If any of you have ideas of how to carry this conversation with Lena, that would be greatly appreciated.
tl;dr: Called dad, he doesn't see this as a priority. I will be home soon for two weeks, having dinner with Lena, and hopefully can tactfully share some thoughts with her/encourage her to seek help.
Submitted April 20, 2016 at 06:23PM by square_circles http://ift.tt/1MI9pYG relationships
No comments:
Post a Comment