I (F30) am married to a husband (M38) who is not a nice guy. I'm pretty sure he has narcissistic personality disorder (he once casually told me a therapist had diagnosed him with it years ago, but later said that was not true and that he'd never seen a therapist). Small things set him off all the time, and he is very mean and aggressive when angry. He also has a huge superiority complex or something, he truly thinks he's more important and his needs should always be met before mine and everyone else's. He also gets controlling and will suddenly decide I can't have my phone or some other thing, or that I have to go to bed, etc. and will try to forciblycontrol what I'm doing. He starts in a joking way but quickly becomes more and more serious if I don't comply. When he does this it's usually at night and will end in me escaping, him getting even more angry, and him going to bed not talking to me.
This morning he made toast for himself (which he never does, he acts like I'm a cooking servant for him) and he asked if I wanted some, I said yes. Big mistake. He made it with old open butter that had absorbed the smells and tastes of the refrigerator and it was really bad tasting. I tried to eat it but couldn't, and I let him know that it's not a good idea to use old opened butter for things where the butter is the main taste because it absorbs etc. Long story short this conversation ended with him screaming that I was a bitch, etc. and cancelling our plans to go to a festival this afternoon.
I think my problem leaving is with the (assumed) narcissistic personality disorder he is very "nice", "sweet", and "charming" probably 40% of the time, until you say no, or challenge him, or he gets bored. I'm also not financially stable or educated and made the mistake of not making sure I could stand comfortably on my own two feet. I'm used to living a comfortable lifestyle and if I left I would be impoverished, most likely for life. Also, there have been several instances where I have had to send my parents large sums of money to prevent serious health and welfare problems (don't want to go into it, but I've kind of saved them both in different ways a few times) and if I were to leave I couldn't do that, and would feel responsible for whatever happened to my parents (they are separated and both did not plan for their futures well).
My husband and also took a large part of our savings out of the country and put it with his parents for safekeeping, in a country where women get nothing in a divorce and where divorce is horrifyingly socially and economically damaging to the woman (a divorced woman is considered extremely low class no matter her background) but not the man. They also left no trace that the money ever went there, and wouldn't give me anything to prove I had claim to 1/2 that money (we live in a community property state). So if I were to leave I'd never see it, and would leave with almost nothing.
I'm feeling like a gold digger, which I don't like, and feeling like I've wasted my life. I've gained a lot of weight since I started living with him (100lbs) and I feel like a servant. But I don't see a way out where I can still protect myself and my parents.
Tldr: husband is a jerk to me but my parents depend on me to fix their problems with money and if I leave I will be destitute like them.
Submitted August 01, 2017 at 08:38PM by LonelyDoves http://ift.tt/2u0OnRa relationships
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