I grew up in Texas surrounded by staunch, religious republicans. When I went to college, I got pregnant after my first year, with a guy I had never planned to spend my life with or raise a child with. I just got off of welfare two days ago, after eight years. I wanted to share my personal journey and the misconceptions I encountered along the way.
1. “It's not your fault. You're a single mother.”
Ever since I had left my parent's home at 18, I have been pro-choice, but at the age of 20 when I found myself pregnant, I decided to keep the baby. I had a lot of pressure from friends and family not to “murder my baby” but the truth of the matter was that I wanted her. Many might consider this decision reckless, and I'm alright with that.
As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I signed up for public assistance. I got little to no blow-back from my republican friends and family, because, “That's what welfare is for! You are a single mother in college, making life better for yourself! It's those OTHER reckless single mother's who are ruining this country!”
The father of my child completely vanished when my child turned 1. He did this rather than tell me the truth, that he had used all the money I was giving him to pay our rent, on drugs and women and partying while I was a full time student and working 50 hours a week. A week after he vanished, I was evicted. I had to run up a credit card to keep my child and I off the street. Once again, nothing but moral support from people who saw me as “the good little welfare recipient.”
2. They Took My Healthcare
After I gave birth, I no longer qualified for medicaid in the state of Texas. I was told that in order for me to qualify, I had to quit my job. That wasn't an option. Thank goodness my child still got healthcare, but I was terrified for myself. I have two autoimmune diseases that require daily medication to keep me out of the hospital. Luckily, my drugs were affordable out-of-pocket, but when I ran out of refills and asked the doctor if he could prescribe more, he refused. He said he would need to continue with my 6-month blood-work to keep prescribing me medication, along with doctor visits, something that costs hundreds of dollars I didn't have. Even though my dosage had been the same since I was 15, he said he risked a lawsuit if he continued to prescribe me life-saving drugs without regular blood-work.
I had to go to Mexico to buy my medications over the counter. Living in the “greatest country on earth” I had to go to Jaurez Mexico, one of the most dangerous cities in the world, to get adequate medical care, so I did not drop dead. Once again, my republican friends and family thought this was a travesty. A failing of the system. After all, medicaid was for “good little welfare recipients” like me. Screw those “other people” who “abuse the system”, but why can't good ol' halfwaythere88 get the care she needed to be successful!?
3. I Went Into Debt. Massive Debt
Sometimes I worked one job. Sometimes I had three. Sometimes I qualified for cash assistance. Sometimes I didn't. Sometimes I qualified for free or reduced child care. Sometimes I didn't. I never qualified for free or reduced housing. I always qualified for food stamps, but they did try and take it away three or four times and I had to fight, sometimes for several months, to get them back. Every time I lost a form of assistance, my republican friends lamented with me. Every time I qualified for something I needed, they rejoiced. Every day I was one flat tire or one illness away for complete financial ruin.
I got my bachelor's degree and they praised me for being “hard working”, when really it was just a decision of whether or not I would take the gamble of going into a massive amount of debt for a slightly better shot at a better life. Unfortunately, it didn't give me a better shot. My learning disability made STEM classes almost impossible, so the degree I got wasn't as “safe”. I did manage to use it to get three small novels published, but the money was impossibly small, not even enough to pay my rent in full for more than a few months and pay off my credit card I used to keep my child and I off the street when her dad vanished. These books were written between waiting tables, studying for exams, and working at a call center.
So I decided to go into more debt and get a master's degree in Education. Maybe I could teach writing if I couldn't make enough writing on my own. When I graduated, there was even more praise. Even more debt. Still on public assistance. Three months after graduation, I was hired as a teacher. I just signed up for healthcare two days ago and I just closed all my public assistance off. More praise. More “good Job!” and “That's what all that welfare is for!”
4. The Rub
These people encouraging me were the same voting against medicaid expansion. Voting against socialized healthcare. Voting against public assistance. Writing long rants on facebook about how welfare was ruining this country. Yet when I chimed in, it was “Not you, halfwaythere88. Not you. You are using public assistance the right way. You're the good little welfare recipient.” The moment a face, name, and backstory was put to a person who used public assistance, was the moment their tune changed, but ONLY for me. They still saw the others and demonized them.
I saw a different world. I worked along-side the mother who had a good life with three kids who's world was suddenly rocked by cancer. I knew the 19 year old fry-cook who grew up in group homes, who could barely read. I knew the telephone tech support agent in the cubicle next to me who could barely function due to mental health issues she developed due to horrific childhood abuse. I knew the stock-boy who was born addicted to crack. Every story more tragic than the last. Every story worse than mine. Every life hanging by a thread. And here were my friends and family, giving me “atta-boys” while they held their golden scissors aloft, ready to cut these threads. It makes me physically sick.
If my friends saw someone with a smart phone, who paid for their groceries with food stamps, they would rant “These welfare queens! This scum!”, yet my smart phone was alright in their eyes because “your mom bought that for you for Christmas.” If I had a nice suit, it was “Well you have a job! You need to dress nice!” but if someone else on welfare did they were cursed as “wasteful.” The ONLY difference between me and them was that they knew my story. They didn't yet know theirs.
The republican party has done a fantastic job at turning these people on assistance into caricatures of “laziness, waste, and greed” (How dare they have refrigerators, air conditioners or phones when they spend MY money!?) even though the statistics have proved time and time again that I am not a special “good little welfare recipient.” I am the majority. They do everything within their power to dehumanize those on public assistance, and so I try and be as vocal as I can, in the hopes that I can put one more real face to the group of people who needed the extra help.
We are not a greedy, hungry mass, gobbling up every advantage we can steal in order to not pull our weight. We are human beings. We just want to live.
Submitted July 23, 2017 at 11:33PM by halfwaythere88 http://ift.tt/2tBkMhh socialism
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