I yelled today. breakingmom

I yelled at my 15-month-old.

I mentioned before, she's been sick for three weeks now and still going strong. She sleeps in bed with me so my energy level is below zero at this point. My back is killing me and I'm just stressed as hell.

She is. so. emotional today. Won't let her play in the refrigerator? Scream-cry! Won't let her play in the garbage? Scream-cry! Time to brush your teeth? Scream-cry!

She hates getting her diaper changed. She always has. But usually she's easy to calm down long enough to get the job done. She's had a bit of a diaper rash since she's been sick, so she's especially sensitive. She wouldn't let me do it. She was screaming and crying and thrashing and flailing. Kid. There is poop on your butt. This is only going to get worse if I leave this here. So, I changed her while she screamed at me.

Only, after, nothing would calm her down. She just kept screaming. She would pause momentarily, act interested in something, but then start screaming again when I brought her to it/gave it to her.

So, I yelled. Just one word, but real big, and real angry. "ENOUGH."

I put her baby gate up and walked away to collect myself. I was back in her bedroom holding her two minutes later and she calmed down pretty quick.

But I still feel terrible. It's not the first time, but it's only been maybe four times since she was a baby. I yell, just once, and I walk away for a minute before coming back to her. She gets so upset when I walk away. I feel so terrible. But I know I would lose it if I didn't.

I just really hate yelling. I only have two mom friends and one of them told me she never lost her cool with her kids until she had a toddler and a baby at the same time, and even then it was only once.

Am I a bad mom if I yell once in a great while?

I feel like a bad mom. Three weeks of sick baby. Hardly playing outside, watching too much stupid TV, not getting the sleep she needs and now I yelled at her.

She's sleeping cozy and snuggling my boob at the moment. I hope she gets a nice long nap.

But I'm mad at myself.

Submitted October 14, 2016 at 11:49PM by mama_jackalope http://ift.tt/2dhvCfg breakingmom