After much deliberation, myself and gf decide to do some good for sister girl. Perhaps a few days of roadtripping will do her some good.
Sister girl is:
-
jobless (never had one)
-
almost 30
-
160 kg (350 lbs)
-
has standards for everyone else, not herself
-
living with and off of parents all her life
-
now moved into an apartment that she turned into a garbage heap (pointless shit packed everywhere, cockroaches crawling everywhere, cats shitting and pissing everywhere, whole apartment is basically dying, and she is the cancer taking it down)
Day 1
get up early in the morning (8 am)
pick up gf
8:30 am
head to sister girl's place
9:00 am
been waiting on her to: wake up, pack bags, feast, shit, piss, shower
12:00 pm
finally get in car
Yes! Only half a day wasted.
"we need to drop by my friend who lives in the middle of the city to give her some shit", says sister girl
weekday
traffic in city horrendous between 9 am and 8 pm
takes 1:30 hrs to reach friend since all traffic going to city center is fucked (spend 1 and a half hours driving 5 miles - already annoyed that she couldn't carry her own fat ass to friend and leave shit with her a day earlier, but say nothing because trip hasn't even started yet)
driving towards outer city limits
"I'm hungry let's eat"
It's 14:00 PM, we aren't out of the city yet, neither me or gf ate. Sure. Let's eat.
Haven't had McDonalds in a while, a burger might hit the spot. I remember it being delicious (it still is).
park car at McDonalds
walk in
"2 cheeseburgers pls", mine and gf's order
"I'll have 2 large fries, large milkshake and what's this 1+1 offer you have here? You get 1 extra thing off this menu with each purchase of this thing? give me 2 of the thing, oh, and 4 sauces" She basically ordered 4 cheeseburgers, 2 large fries, a shake and 4 of those mayo sauces.
flashback to apartment
flashing images of KFC wet napkins littered allover the place
slowmo memory of sister girl going "I don't eat a lot of fast food"
PTSD subsiding
And now, back to your regularly scheduled programming.
back on the road
30 minutes into driving and chill and she pulls out a bag of chips that she sat on earlier
I made a note of this as I heard her go 'oops' at one point, and the bag popping. Luckily, it popped inside another bag, so, no damage done (yet).
doesn't offer the mashed up chips to anyone
proceeds to stuff face
'Please don't make a mess. My father had this car cleaned before he gave it to me.'
'I won't make a mess. I know how to eat.'
I don't trust her, but I can't already be upset a few hours into this. I need to be relaxed.
'Ok.'
halfway through trip, busts out a bag of wafers and crackers
This bitch cracking open all of her crumbly snacks on purpose? Whatever, I'll be mad later.
have a tiny car lighter powered refrigerator in car with us
sister girl regularly opening it up to drink her cola zero (fuck if I know why she skimping on sugary beverages. not like it's going to fix shit)
at some point, takes out my bottle of local fizzy pop because her shit doesn't fit in
Can't get mad yet. Gotta power through.
5:30 pm, arrive at grandparents' abandoned home in countryside
stick around for an hour
get ready to leave
puts a smelly ass bag of cheese in the car fridge
starts picking up walnuts off the ground
Bag of 40 walnuts in the back of my car. Bag untied or secured.
on the road again
nagging my gf to take pictures of the hills and sights and sunset cause her phone dead from all of the 900 pictures of her McMeal and random things she thought were interesting enough to go on facebook
driving through gyppo town
gf starts talking about gyppo legends
'roll up all your windows; hide your phones; drive real quick through this town; don't pull over'
- Intermission
I'm sure one of you will have an issue with me not liking gypsies or the way I'm talking about them. I don't care. You don't understand what gypsies are, and you never will. Those caravans you got in Ireland and England or whatever you saw in 'Snatch' have nothing to do with gypsies.
You don't know gypsies. You don't like how I don't like them? I don't care.
- Intermission
pass through gyppoville without issue
arrive at final destination for day 1
sister girl whips out a bag of home made cheesy pastry
few dead cockroaches in cheesy pastry container (illegal immigrants from back home)
throws them away and continues eating
somehow sister girl still hungry
go to local restaurant so we can eat too
order 3 soups
takes 20 pictures of the same soup cup from various angles
posts on facebook
soup now cold
eats it
'Could have been warmer', she goes
'Good job', I think, as I order another cup of soup for myself.
Submitted October 13, 2015 at 09:49PM by notenoughdetergent http://ift.tt/1VQDlAl fatpeoplestories
No comments:
Post a Comment