I wanted to keep this short, but the story needs some color, so apologies for length. My brother-in-law has a history of drug addiction, and is quite possibly an undiagnosed sociopath. After his last rehab trip, he moved in his sister (my future wife; we were dating at this time) in 2012. She's a recovering alcoholic, and offered this as a way to help him with his addiction. She had rules laid out for him regarding rent he would pay her, housekeeping chores he would do, meetings he would attend, etc. (she owned the townhouse where they were living).
In his NA meetings, he met a girl and started a relationship with her. They decide to get an apartment together in mid 2013. He moves out, and leaves the room in my wife's place a disaster, which we have to clean up (tons of junk, old clothes, empty food containers, cigarette butts even though he wasn't supposed to smoke in the house, etc.) He also owed her for the final week's rent. He and my wife don't speak for three months, until the holidays, where he may have finally paid her the last of the rent.
We get engaged in January 2014, and she moves into my place. We plan to renovate her place, then rent it out after we get married in June. In the spring, her brother and his girlfriend announce they are pregnant, due in October, and my wife agrees that they can be the tenants in her place, which will give them room for the baby. I'm hesitant about this, given how he left the room he was renting, and poor money management/credit/renting history, but we back ourselves up with formal applications, lease agreements, etc. They get married in April, and move in right after our wedding in June 2014.
When they moved in, my wife left a couch for them which her brother agreed to buy for $400, in four monthly payments of $100. They also agreed to a verbal agreement where he could pay half the monthly rent every two weeks in cash, rather than one check a month. We got the first payment for the sofa in July, but then excuses started coming about why he didn't have the extra money (medical bills, car problems, etc). Half rent was being paid every two weeks, however, and there wasn't a pressing need for us to get the money, so my wife was pretty easygoing about them repaying.
In October of 2014, we were returning from a long weekend out of town, and she texted her brother that we'd be back that afternoon to collect rent, and she politely asked when he would re-start payments on the couch. He BLEW UP via text, that we were "barking" at his for money when his son is nearly due, and how dare she suggest that he doesn't pay his bills, fuck this, fuck you, etc. My wife replied back, rather calmly, that no one was "barking" at him, but asking when he would do what he agreed to do. He replied back with complaints about a hole in the ceiling (there was a roof leak which the HOA fixed, but this was the first we had heard that they had yet to repair the ceiling damage, even though we requested it), and living with that should make him even on the couch, closing with a "or come take the couch - I don't need this shit now - back the fuck off". My wife doesn't respond, and 20 mins later, he texts back "jk ill start paying u". We get back into town that afternoon, and he doesn't bring the rent over. His wife calls the next morning and says he left the rent with her, and we can come get it; my wife goes to pick it up, and there's no extra money for the couch.
My wife has had it at this point, after making one accommodation after another for them, and he reacts the way he did with the verbal abuse. She also learns that he has been badmouthing her and the "shithole" that she's renting to him to other family members. So she decides to end any more favors for him, and treat him solely as a tenant. She drafts a formal letter to him and his wife (as both are on the lease) acknowledging the last partial payment, and waiving the balance of rent due for October, but beginning November 1, rent will need to be paid in full on the first of the month, as per the terms of their lease. She mailed a copy, and also sent a copy to them via email. His reply was as expected: angry. He claims he has "never been late with shit", and accused both of us (even though I have no interest in her home, and am not the landlord) of "overstepping your boundries (sic), upset us both this close to [the baby], so stay the fuck away from my family!!! Do not show up at the hospital, I will chase your asses out. You wanna fuck with me, BRING IT THE FUCK ON." He also says that he will move out as soon as he finds a place. My wife doesn't respond.
Even though he gave an intent to move, they signed a lease through December 31, which would make him liable for rent in November and December. So my wife then formally notified them that she did not intend to renew their lease, and they must vacate the unit at the end of the current lease term on 12/31. Of course, this generated another email from her brother, accusing her of "kicking us out" when the baby is due (for the record, the baby would be two months old at the end of the lease). Several angry texts were also sent as well, accusing us of only chasing them for money because we were broke after our vacation (false), and again threatening both of us should we "come near" his family. We reported these threats to the police, but without a specific threat of what he would do, they weren't actionable.
He texted my wife on 10/30 to inform her that he had moved out because the condo was "uninhabitable", due to a water leak. We go over to investigate the water leak, and find most of his possessions gone, but trash throughout the house, rotting food in the refrigerator, and the utilities are turned off (a lease violation). She sends an email to her brother that not having utilities is a lease violation, and failure to reconnect will result in defaulting on the lease. He replies that they've already "abandoned" the apartment, and "you can't evict someone who is no longer dwelling in your home". His email also goes on to make threats of reporting to the city about the lack of permits done for work on renovating the condo (for which no permits were required). He also accused me of stealing tools from him (false), and that his wife has a friend who is an attorney to which they have "unlimited access, if you want to drag this out, we can do that." He closed his email by saying that he found it "strange" that my wife was "more concerned with finances than the well-being of my wife and son, which makes it obvious that [I] was behind all of this. So drop it, we've moved. You'll never see another penny from us."
My wife responded with a rather calm email, stating that while "my husband is supportive of me, all decisions made regarding my property are mine and mine alone". She went on to explain how he had repeatedly taken advantage of her, including when he lived with her the first time and left his part of the house trashed, and owed her money, but the fault was on her in thinking that he could be trusted again. And this time, she fully intends on recovering all money owed and property stolen from her, and his threats and attempts at bullying do not faze her. "We will let the courts decide who owes whom what. In addition, I have no intentions of having a personal relationship with you, so please do not contact me regarding personal issues."
The next day, we turn on power in our name, start cleaning the apartment, and re-key the locks, as he ignores requests to return the keys. A code inspector comes by to investigate an "anonymous complaint of un-permitted work", and leaves with a comment that there's nothing to investigate and will close the case. Five days later, a brick is thrown through the sliding glass window. My BIL would later admit to his mother that he did this, because we had his car towed from the condo complex (we didn't - he was keeping an unregistered / un-inspected car there, and the association may have taken action to have it towed, but we could never confirm).
The summary; she sent them a bill for all rent and damages, another bill, then had them served with a civil suit in small claims court. After he posted a few vague threats on Facebook about "terrorizing plaintiffs while waiting for a court date", they ignored the summons, so my wife won a default judgement against them. After rehabbing the condo (again), my wife has soured on being a landlord, and sold the condo in January of this year.
Over the past year, we've made good on avoiding any contact with them; we've never seen their son, and skip events at her parents house when we knew they were there. We learned in September that they moved from Texas to Oregon.
Two weeks ago, my mother-in-law texted me, and asking what my BIL and his wife need to do to get the eviction off their credit, because they can't rent an apartment in Oregon, and "they want to get it taken care of". I explain that there's no eviction from my wife, because, as he correctly stated a year ago, you can't evict someone who abandons a rental. There is a judgement, but that's something different. MIL fwd's me a denial letter they got, and it clearly states an eviction as the reason for denial. So they obviously got evicted from somewhere else (I theorize that it's from the last apartment in TX, in between abandoning my wife's place, then moving to Oregon), but it's nothing my wife did that's keeping them from renting. My MIL goes on to say that they got kicked out of my BIL's wife's mom's house, and she and the baby stay in public libraries during the day while he works, then they spend the night at some sketchy cheap motel. I don't respond.
Today, my wife got two texts from her brother. "Bout time to bury the hatchet, B. What do I have to do? We miss you....", followed by "Your my sis. I love you, B... That's all... Sorry for all this garbage the last year...."
Obviously, the decision is on my wife, and I support her in whatever she decides. My gut feel is to come up with some kind of reply that they could start by repaying the money they owe my wife, but it won't repair the personal damage done. We haven't talked at length yet, as we're both at work, but I think we both feel pretty strongly about continuing this estrangement.
Or do we meet this with silence? I've learned from the whole ordeal that trying to reason with someone who displays such sociopathic and anti-social behavior is that the truth and facts are irrelevant, and only what the sociopath believes to be true really matters. Anything we say will likely not make a difference, when all is said and done.
I feel like the wanting to "bury the hatchet" only comes about because he needs something from us (help with the credit report, perhaps), or has learned that we not only sold her place, but also mine, and moved to a new home, while making tidy profits on both sales.
If you've read this far, thank you. I appreciate the time and feedback.
tl;dr: Brother-in-law threatened us, owes wife money and trashed her house, but wants back into our lives after a year of no contact. Is a response even warranted?
Submitted October 27, 2015 at 11:20PM by ChrisLW http://ift.tt/1Wg4uSG relationships
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