I am at a complete lose right now. I am not sure if I am truly a terrible person or if I am completely justified in how I feel. raisedbynarcissists

I am at a complete lose right now. I am not sure if I am truly a terrible person or if I am completely justified in how I feel. It is almost like a war is being played out in my head (and heart).

Backstory: I truly do believe that my mother is narcissistic and this has also been confirmed by my therapist. But she is a very skilled and very covert narcissist. We have had issues for most of my life but now that I am reaching 40 something in me has changed. I don’t know if I am having a mid-life crisis or just looking for change. Finding out there was a name (narcissism) to all this craziness really brought all these issues to a head. It was like a lightbulb turned on and for the first time I could see and understand things that always in the past had made me doubt my own sanity.

So getting back to the point. I have chickens and usually just give away all the extra eggs we get. My Nmother has Never wanted any of my eggs, her only reason was that she likes white eggs and our chickens lay brown ones. Okay, no big deal. For years now she has never asked for eggs.

About three weeks ago she calls and ask if she can have a dozen eggs. I’m shocked at first, but tell her of course. She comes and gets her eggs. Then the next week she calls on Friday and ask for two dozen eggs (her church is doing homecoming and she needs that many for their dinner). At the time I only have half a dozen. So I tell her I don’t have them right now but I will in a few days. She says never mind, I need them now. So I explain again to her that we have about eight different people who regularly come get eggs so it’s pretty much a constant flow.

Fast forward to yesterday- She calls and says, “don’t forget that I now want to get eggs for you so why don’t you just call me every two to three weeks and check to see if I need eggs.” I tell her that she is more than welcome to have eggs if I have them, but that I am not going to remember to call ever every two to three weeks just to see if she needs them. So I tell her that it would be better if she just called me when she was starting to get low and I could either save her a dozen or with a few days notice I’d have time to get her a dozen.

Her response: Well I don’t know when you do or don’t have eggs so you call me.

My response: But I don’t know when you are going to need eggs and I will more than likely forget to ask you about them. Usually people just call me when they want some and if we have them they come and pick them up. If we don’t then they check back in a few days.

(We have a dry erase board on the refrigerator, if we are out of eggs when someone calls I’ll usually write their name on the board so I know to save them a carton.)

She says she needs to go so I say I love you and she just says bye and hangs up.

This morning she calls me. At first everything is fine but then she starts in about the egg issue again and how much I hurt her feelings yesterday. I try to explain, yet again, that I am not trying to be mean but that just honestly it would just be easier for her to call me when she needs them instead of me trying to guess and keep track of her “egg needs”. So she starts bawling on the phone about how much I have hurt her feelings since August.

August… what???

I am at a lose. I tell her that I have in not intentionally hurt her feelings. “Well you have…etc, etc, etc…

My youngest daughter over heard most of this conversation — her response: “Mom you just need to grow a pair.”

And I know she is completely correct. I know I just need to look at my Nmother and tell her once and for all exactly how I feel about everything.

It’s just so damn frustrating that the entire world thinks she is the nicest, sweetest, person in the entire world. Poor poor her. And I look like a complete bitch just because I don’t have the time to keep track of if/when she is now all of a sudden going to need/want eggs.

This is how it always is. This is how she keeps me. She uses guilt and shame. No one else sees her the way I do, no one else gets to see this dark side. All they see is — she is your mother and it’s not like she is asking for much. Really WispaMoon it’s not that big of a deal to call her every now and then to see if she needs eggs.

AAARRRGGGG… But it is not even about the eggs. It’s everything.

• She’s not feeling well so you need to call her daily to make sure she is okay.

• She is getting older so you need to let her know if you take a day trip in case she needs you.

• She was just being nice when she brought you a cake pan (that you had already told her you didn’t want).

• She was being nice when she found a used riding lawn mower for you (after she found out we were looking at buying a new one).

• She just wanted to spend the day with you and buy you lunch (even though she knew I had something important to do that day).

• She wasn’t being mean when she got upset that you have cats, I mean after all she is allergic (she has never been allergic - we had a cat when I was younger, why does no one remember that).

• Well it was rude of you to get ride of those end tables she gave you. You should have asked her if she wanted them back (I did).

• She tells everyone I like cows so when I got married I had so much cow crap it was insane (I only wanted a cow cookie jar).

• She’s not being mean when she tells you that your outfit or hat or whatever doesn’t look good on you. I wish I had someone who was that honest with me (No, no you don’t - it’s not about looking “good” is because we have different taste/styles).

and on and on and on.

I am just so sick and tired.

Submitted October 24, 2015 at 10:10PM by WispaMoon http://ift.tt/1WbcKy5 raisedbynarcissists