Hi there Reddit, long time lurker. Throwaway because boyfriend is a redditor. I am on mobile so please excuse any errors. I'll try to make this as short as possible without leaving out important details.
My boyfriend (D) and I have been together for almost 3 years now. The first 2 years were great, we get along well and have a lot of fun, and we spend basically 24/7 with each other, because that is where we're the happiest. But over the past year, things have started to get really bad. We bicker quite often and have at least one "major" blow up fight per week. I know I am partially to blame, because I let things throughout the day fester, and then eventually get so angry/fed up that I storm out to go home. "D" will then follow, and we go back and forth some more in my car, and then they usually conclude with me saying I want to end things, and him convincing me things will change and to stay together. During these arguments, I usually end up feeling like the bad guy, when I didn't do anything wrong. He makes me feel like the bad guy for getting mad about things instead of taking responsibility for the thing that made me mad in the first place.
Now, onto the many reasons we fight so often. He graduated college a little late, back in December of 2014. Ever since, we have been talking about moving into an apartment together. I work with kids, and make a little above minimum wage, so while I can't afford anything bigger than a studio apartment on my own, together we could afford a place. (That's California for ya). I currently "live" at my grandmother's house, where I have lived my whole life, with just my sister (Mom passed away and Grandma is in a nursing home). I use the term "live" very loosely, since I spend all my time and nights with him, at his parents house. Here lies problem number 1 and 2.
Issue 1) I am getting very tired of spending all my time at his parents. I can't make myself any food in the kitchen (I feel awkward doing so because I don't technically live there), so I end up eating a lot of fast food and my it's definitely showing on my body. I have gained about 50lbs since we started dating. Also. when I do store food there, his parents or little brother eats it. I cannot afford to buy food for them all to eat. I now try to keep it all in his bedroom, but it is small and there's no refrigerator. So his room is very cramped with all of my things and his.
Now, onto issue 2) He has basically refused to get a job. He wants to work with computers, but graduated with a degree he doesn't really know what to do with (business Econ). He also has no work experience, so I'm guessing that's why he's scared to get a job. He has only applied to one or two places since he graduated, even though I send him 3 or 4 possible jobs a week. He keeps pushing them off and keeps saying he "knows he has to get a job" and "knows we need to move out", but continually makes no effort to go get one. He will tell me he's going to apply somewhere, and then I will get home from work and he's done nothing all day. I do not know how to encourage him further to go. get. a. job. This makes me particularly annoyed since I've continuously had jobs since I was 16 (mom passed away at 15, needed to support myself).
There are many other little things, like me feeling under appreciated (I pay for most things since he doesn't work, I drive places, I always come to his house because I know my house is "boring" for him and there is nothing for him to really do there). I also feel like sometimes he is super focused on his video games and the whole night goes by without him even seeing how I'm doing. So I sit there on my phone or watch TV til it's bedtime. Keep in mind, this is all happening in his tiny bedroom, so I feel he could at least turn around and ask how I'm doing or something.
So I guess my question for you guys is, how do I stay with this guy and move forward into our future? I love him very much, obviously, and I see myself spending my whole life with him, but if he refuses to get a job, what future is there going to be? I don't know where to go from here. Help me Reddit.
TL;DR: BF won't get a job, we spend all our time in his tiny room at his parents house, I want to move out, and we're fighting all the time.
Submitted October 28, 2015 at 11:47AM by joblessthrow6 http://ift.tt/1PTBuen relationships
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