I was a relatively small guy, at 6'2" and 160 pounds; Iwasn't thin, but I felt small for my height. After realizing that I was unhappy with myself at that weight, I decided to do something about it. It's normal for guy to want to go to the gym to get bigger, right?
After a few months of weightlifting, with some success in better definition and bigger muscles, I came to a startling realization. It was deeply embarrassing, but I had to acknowledge it: of the guys I saw in the gym, and those among my friends, I generally found myself wishing more and more like I looked like the ones who were built like football players. I don't know what it is about that look; maybe it seems the most masculine to me, so it's what I want to be. I want to be built like a brick wall. I basically realized that I wanted to be a chubby wall of muscle, like an offensive lineman on a football team.
When I realized that, I began to switch to powerlifting, and I tried to increase my eating. In the time since I made that switch, I have gone up to 200 pounds, and the comments that I get from people seem to indicate that I am succeeding in my lineman quest. People generally think that I look "big" and "strong," and a couple people think that I have gotten a bit chubby. I would say that all of that is true.
I realize that this is my goal and that I am trying to achieve it for myself, but I have remorse about it because it is embarrassing to me to want to be chubby-muscular, even though I know that it is what I want. I am afraid to continue getting bigger because I am afraid that criticism will become more constant. I hope that I will become a refrigerator one day, though.
[Remorse]: If you feel bad
Submitted October 31, 2015 at 10:05AM by linemanlike http://ift.tt/1NHjeTo confession
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