I currently live with my mom [54F] and my nephew in California. My mom has had custody of my nephew since he was about 3 years old; his father lives in Wyoming and his mother lives in Texas. They are both a part of his lives, though not a huge part. I mention this because I'm not sure if abandonment issues play into his actions.
My nephew is 11. He has a few developmental disorders, ADHD being the primary one. He also has a minor learning disability that has led to him being held back a grade in school (which was definitely for the best, as he's doing much better now). He was on medication most of his life, and sees a therapist every few weeks. My mother tapered him off of his medication about 8 months ago, though I have no idea why.
Starting a year or two ago, he started sneaking things. Sneaking electronics to school, or when my mom is asleep and he isn't supposed to be playing on them. Sneaking chips here, cookies there. He is already relatively overweight due to his medication; I'm not sure if any of this has a huge effect on his appetite/impulse control. At the beginning of the year it started to get even worse; binging on food or cans of soda and hiding the evidence, then lying profusely about it when confronted. He will lie until he's blue in the face unless you provide proof and demand the truth. After being outed, he will then get angry at us and stomp off. I understand he's a kid, and obviously he feels stupid for being caught, so he lashes out.
My mom and I have tried everything to get him to stop. We have restricted access to his electronics; it doesn't matter how long he is grounded for, he will find ways to get to food. It doesn't matter what the punishment is, he will keep stealing. I've tried asking him why he does it, but he just says he can't help it. He lies and tricks.
For example, he would steal cans of soda. My mother kept "grounding" him from having any but he would keep taking them, so she banned him from having soda at all, ever, anywhere, no matter who he's with. We would keep 12 packs stacked somewhere. One time my mom bought about 4 packs; one of them had accidentally been ripped open at the store and taped back up. My nephew used this to his advantage - he would pull the tape off and take a soda, then carefully replace the tape so it looked like nothing had changed. Then he got bolder and ripped another 12 pack open and taped it back up, too. But obviously we caught on at that point.
At first, he would only sneak my mom's food. But now he's started getting into mine. And it's not even just sweets like cookies and ice cream and shit (which I have tried to get my mom to stop buying - he shouldn't be eating that crap, and buying it just gives him free access). He will sneak cheese, lunch meat, you name it. He will even sneak food at other people's houses! He's 11 but we can't leave him alone for more than 15 minutes - any longer than that and something is missing.
I am seriously at the end of my rope. He's old enough to know what he is doing is wrong. He is constantly in trouble, yet he keeps doing it! At one point, my mom thought he had been good enough that she was going to lift the total ban on soda - the day she was going to tell him, he was caught sneaking again. When she told him she was going to unground him, he literally admitted that he wouldn't have done it if he had known that. Like the only thing that would have stopped you was knowing you were getting it anyway?
Short of padlocking the refrigerator, freezer, and cabinets, what can we do to stop this kid and help him to make better choices? I am poor enough as it is, barely managing to feed myself, let alone feed this kid, too. I can only do so much as his aunt; I don't go with him to therapy, I'm not his legal guardian. My mom is incredibly stubborn and very set in her parenting ways, and at this point seems to have just accepted that he's eating her out of house and home, saying he's just "testing his boundaries". I am just so freaking frustrated right now, and I have a hard time believing this is normal behavior.
Any suggestions are welcome.
tl;dr: My nephew will not stop sneaking and stealing food and drinks, as well as lying and deceiving my mother and I, despite constantly being punished and reprimanded. He used to only touch my mom's food, but has started getting into mine. What can we do to curb this behavior and help him make better choices?
Submitted October 24, 2015 at 10:17AM by Lunafeather http://ift.tt/1PI276S relationships
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