Just need to get this off my chest, since I feel like I can't talk to anyone in person about it. Just looking for internet hugs or something. I know this isn't healthy and yes we both see separate therapists. Husband is a diagnosed Borderline (high functioning) with depression and anxiety, which he is being treated for. He also had a brain tumor, which caused some of these issues. His brain chemistry is just off. So I know why a lot of this is happening, but it doesn't make it excusable or make it hurt less.
Lately I feel like everything I say and do is put down by my husband. I feel like he seems to believe I can't do anything right. Just a few examples:
I made us pasta for dinner last night, and I even asked him what kind of sauce he'd want on it - just oil and garlic or red sauce. He said either one was fine. So I put the red sauce. When he's eating, he goes "Were there tomatoes in the meat you added? These are tomato chunks, not tomato sauce. I don't see any sauce at all." He says this in a tone like he is blaming me for not putting sauce on it and like I am some sort of idiot who can't tell the difference between sauce and chunks.
I used the canned sauce we had in the cabinet. It just happens to be a really thin sauce that had chunks of tomato in it, which wasn't really clear from looking at the bottle (and the label does not say "chunky" or anything). We agreed we didn't like it and won't buy that kind again. But that was only after he accused me of just putting tomatoes in the pasta and not actual sauce.
I put the garbage out earlier and I heard a skittering in the wall of our house, which has some gaps in the siding. I've seen a mouse go behind it before. I have looked indoors and we do not have a breach (yet), but I'm concerned about a mouse in our siding. I asked him to come out and listen with me. Of course, when he came to listen there was no sound. This happens a lot - and he thinks I'm crazy and that I imagine this stuff or that I'm making a big deal out of nothing. He says "You heard it because you were looking to hear it." I did not make this shit up, guys.
If I work from home, he seems to be constantly annoyed by my presence. It's just in his attitude, his tone, and his body language. But when I ask him if I am doing something to irritate him, or if I should work from another room or go into the office instead, he says I'm not annoying him and I don't have to change anything that I'm doing or relocate. WTF.
Simultaneously, I know he is feeling like he is a "failure" because "he can't fix anything". Our fridge broke over the weekend and he has been trying to figure it out before he'll let me call a repair man. He has called the manufacturer for trouble shooting and everything, but they can't identify the exact problem, which might enable us to fix it ourselves. The way I see it, that's totally fine. No, husband, you're not an appliance repair technician, and that is completely okay. It's not the end of the world that we should need to call a professional when our refrigerator stopped being cold.
I think he's probably responding to a sense of chaos and is seeking a feeling of control. He's just taking it out on me, which is not cool. There have been a lot of things happening lately that are making us feel jumpy - dog got sprayed by a skunk, husband has been sick for the past week with a bad cold, neither of us have slept much, the fridge broke, and there are coyotes menacing our neighborhood and killing people's dogs. It all adds up.
tl;dr: My husband is sometimes crabby and it makes me feel bad. I know I'm not actually doing anything worth feeling bad about (in fact, it's the opposite - I'm pretty awesome with all the dinner-making and trash-taking-out that I do).
Submitted October 07, 2015 at 09:27PM by green_carbon07 http://ift.tt/1VF0PIx relationships
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