So, my family is renting a lake house for thanksgiving this year. We usually do beach houses, but for some reason, this was decided. And events like this are usually decided by a few for the many, which is annoying in itself. There is never a time where we all decide together.
Anyway... we've got about 20 people for the holiday and we each paid for ourselves the cost of the week we're renting. About a week or two ago, someone decided that another person needed to manage a sign-up list for meals throughout the week. That way it's not on one person to feed 20 people for a week, which makes sense. I live with my boyfriend and my brother. I'm in my senior year of school and don't work, and the boys both have full time jobs. We sincerely struggle each month with bills and groceries, and while we're usually okay paying for everything we need, we don't have the means to prepare a meal for 20 people.
So the other day, my cousin, who is managing the sign-up list, texts me asking what I and the boys are doing for the meal, and mentions that there's only one time left. The three of us are leaving the lake house a day early (Sunday) because the boys have work and I have finals week to study for, and naturally, that one time slot was lunch for that day. Now, we're planning to have thanksgiving dinner on Friday instead of Thursday, and if everyone else is providing a meal, we have at least two issues: a) we won't have enough room in the refrigerator to store everyone's food and b) we'll have so many left overs by Sunday that it's kind of dumb for a group to provide a meal. Why can't we just eat when and how we want so that we are not wasting food? Also, I don't want to have to deal with preparing, serving, and cleaning my dishes in my last few hours at the lake house. I just want to be there and enjoy my time with everyone before we leave.
So back to my cousin text me... I said we would do the lunch. But because I didn't sign up fast enough for her, she went and put us down. And the more we thought about it, and talked it over with my mom, we decided that it was dumb, took ourselves off the list, and stated that we'd be assisting my mom and grandma for the dinner on Thursday night because of the reasons I stated above. So she asks me if we're not doing lunch and says she's confused. I went over everything I said and she came back at me with how being a contributing member of the family is not important to me and how so much hard work and preparation (please) has gone into making this a beautiful and perfect holiday. Everyone is contributing time, effort, and finances for their meals. Three other cousins are taking care of breakfast, it would be nice if you three could take care of lunch. (This is paraphrased for the most part.) I called my mom to talk to her about conflicting statements between this conversation and the original paragraph she posted in the sign-up page stating that any unclaimed meal spots would be a feed yourself thing, so be sure to bring food for those! My mom agreed with me, but told me to just suck it up and go along with it. She "doesn't want any hard feelings on either side. The three of us will come up with something." And I kept repeating that we don't have the space, and so many left overs and how we can't afford to feed 20 people. And she told me "well you know how [cousin] is. She gets all stressed when something doesn't go her way. Just do the lunch and let it go. You'll figure it out. The point of all this is for everyone to participate and make a meal for the family. You have two months to figure it out."
And it's so petty, and my family dynamics are way too long to post here for context. But I felt, again, as if my feelings and opinions don't matter. I have always felt that they never cared about anything I have to say, defensively or just normal conversation. I've been told a million times to stand up for myself, and when I did, it came back in my face. This all took place around 10-11p last night and I'd had a long weird/bad day and this was the icing on my cake. I couldn't stop crying for over an hour. My situation isn't nearly as bad as others who post here, but I don't really have anywhere else to go. I do see a therapist, so I plan on bringing it up to her when I meet with her this afternoon.
Sorry for the wall of text... TL;DR: cousin drama over thanksgiving meal prep and mom told me to give up on defending myself to make everyone else happy.
Submitted September 21, 2017 at 08:18PM by duckysduckie http://ift.tt/2xxxiiD raisedbynarcissists
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