My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now, and unfortunately, his family has been a HUGE part of our relationship. It almost feels like I can't have him without the mess. Almost 10 years ago, he decided to buy a house with his mother and brother. When we first met, we would sit in the car in his driveway, but he never allowed me to go inside the house, even if it was just to use the bathroom. I honestly thought that maybe he had children that he wasn't telling me about, but to him, it was worse. His mom is a hoarder, and he took off of work to clean for days before actually inviting me inside.
The more I was over, the less shy she became about her mess, and it got worse again. My house was never the cleanest, so for the most part, I didn't mind that much. I could deal. My boyfriend has no problem throwing anything away, even items that he loves, because I think that his worst fear is becoming his mother.
At the end of December last year, his mother went to Florida for a week or so. Both of her sons were so tired of putting up with the mess spilling into the common areas. At ages 29 and 30, neither of them had ever been able to have friends over, but they took this opportunity to clean up the common areas of the house in order to throw a New Years party.
My boyfriend's brother wanted to throw everything out without a second thought, but my boyfriend ended up getting storage for the things that he knew were important to her. I helped them go through cupboards and their two refrigerators (they have three total), all of the kitchen counters, and any space that held food...I ended up throwing away at least 6 huge contractor bags of grossly expired food (we're talking expired in 2008, and it's 2017) and everything that had mold.
By the time she came home, she accused us of throwing away things we'd never even seen. This continued for months, and even to this day she won't hesitate to bring it up. She began having panic attacks and cried constantly. Now, 8 months later, it is back to the way it was before, if not worse. Over the summer, my boyfriend paid his mother and brother their shares of the house in order to make it 100% his and gave his mom three months to get all of her stuff out. October 1st is the end of their "lease agreement", and she didn't start looking for housing until a couple weeks ago. She's incredibly picky, refuses to live any place smaller than a 3 bedroom house, and she definitely can't afford more than a two bedroom apartment. She hasn't packed up, thrown away, or even touched any of her things. It's like she isn't even taking him seriously, despite the thousands of dollars he's given her in order to get her own place. Instead she has bought a used car, loaned money to her other kids, and bought who-knows-what.
My boyfriend has decided to look at other options for us, and we've started looking at other houses, because it's pretty clear that at this point, his mom will never get out unless he takes legal action. Even if she did, we would never be able to escape her stuff.
Today, as we sat in his living room looking at potential homes for us, I found it hard to breathe because there was so much garbage surrounding us. I started to feel trapped. There's no space to put anything on the table tops or counters, there's a MOUNTAIN of laundry on the chair that hasn't been touched in at least a month. At least not since the last time I folded it and put it away for them. It's disgusting and not fair, and I'm afraid that all of this will ruin the relationship that my boyfriend and I have.
She refuses to see anything wrong with her lifestyle, and she often looks at my boyfriend as the bad guy, even though he's the only one who really wants her to get help. After our realtor showed us this house that we're very interested in, she claimed that instead of us moving, she would be out by the weekend. I'm not sure if she is delusional or what, but it would take years to move all of her items. She has two bedrooms packed to the brim...floor to ceiling, the entire two car garage, the entire basement, and the things that have spilled out into the kitchen, dining room, living room, and sun room.
Getting another house will be risky, because she can't afford to live alone in the house they have now, and no one else wants to live in this mess anymore. I'm at a total loss of what we can do, and sometimes the only thing I can see happening is separating myself from this situation entirely.
Submitted September 28, 2017 at 06:25AM by thatswhatcheysaid http://ift.tt/2xyLPuI hoarding
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