My boyfriend recently bought an engagement ring, I found the receipt "hidden" in the coffee tin (but not the ring it self) and couldn't be more excited. I'm beyond ready to move onto the next step and can't imagine being with anyone else. But, I feel bad that he doesn't know/remember that I bullied him. To be fair, I didn't even remember until his mom jogged my memory. Maybe I just want to get this off my chest, I don't know if it merits admitting I was there or he just wants to forget it.
My boyfriend and I went to elementary and middle school together. I was very popular because my older sister was incredibly popular. My sister, who was in the grade above me, brought me into a large, inter-grade clique of girls. Some of the girls were nice but wouldn't show it at school and some were downright rotten. My boyfriend (hopefully soon to be fiance) was not in the "in crowd." He was a grade below me and I didn't really know him (I knew of him.. we all did) - it was a big enough school that I didn't even know everyone in my own grade. Anyway, I was at his parent's place and I was looking through some middle school year book and saw a picture of him - he was the cutest, nerdiest little guy ever. He was small for his age - he grew to be a refrigerator size person but not then. He had a short cropped haircut, he wore a shirt tucked into pants with a belt and leather shoes. He carried a huge backpack full of extra books and won "most likely to be a scientist" award that year (BF is a 3rd year medical student, so not far off). He was the smart kid at an athletic school and I guess had rubbed one of my "friends" the wrong way.
Anyway, I saw the picture in the year book and instantly adored the picture. I asked my BF's mother if she had a similar photo and she did - she had taken a photo that morning and had a copy I could have. She found it and gave it to me so I could frame it. It's the most adorable thing you've ever seen. He's got a goofy grin, damp hair brushed to the side, and just this outfit that makes him look like he's 12 going on 84. I got it framed and put it in our bedroom. So, when my BF mother was giving me the photo, she told me that he caught hell that day, that his outfit was the source of some stress. I asked and apparently he had been eating lunch with the teacher working on an extra-credit. He got beaten up for "being a nerd" and a group of kids, including some girls, got in trouble for it. Here's the thing, I was one of those girls. I didn't throw a punch and I didn't actually physically assault him, but I was there. I had completely forgotten this.
My BF has an aptitude for learning languages and would eat lunch with our math & physics teacher who was Russian. They would eat lunch in the empty classroom and she'd teach him Russian and Polish. She was an older lady and adored giving a young kid a chance to learn Russian. Because he spent every free moment with her being tutored, he didn't really eat or consort with the other kids his own age, in part because he was really bright and loved to learn and in part because we ostracized him. I would say he was totally friendless, but was adored by the teachers. He caught a lot of hell during school - he was protected by the teachers and could do no wrong so when they weren't looking, he was a punching bag. Anyway, near the end of the school year, he won some academic excellence award, it was basically the award no one wanted because it made you look like such a nerd (in retrospect being a nerd was probably a lot better). As 'retribution' for the award, a girl and her BF were going to enact swift justice. She was going to throw his backpack into the girl's bathroom while her BF was going to knock him down and keep him from stopping her from throwing the backpack in there. Word spread and a group of people were loitering waiting for the prank.
It didn't go that way at all. The guy leaped on him knocking him off his feet and he hit his head on the floor, he was out cold. Panic ensued and we fled. The girl who was supposed to throw his backpack into the bathroom later admitted to everything and named everyone present. Her BF was expelled and she was severely punished. Everyone else had their parent's called and finished the school year in detention and started off the school year with a set of punishments.
My boyfriend transferred schools to a different district and I didn't see him again until 2nd year of university and we only started dating 4th year of university. My boyfriend rarely talks about that time, he knows we went to the same school, we were in different grades and that I probably disliked him like everyone else did. The thing is, he doesn't know I was present at the event that knocked him out. On one hand, I don't want to dredge up bad memories and force him to discuss a subject that may be really sore. I don't want to live with the guilt I started feeling. On yet another hand, I don't want him to find out, get really angry and dump me.
I don't know what to do, but for some reason, I feel guilt almost 15 years later. Should I say anything? Should I just go on like before?
tl;dr: BF was bullied at school that we used to attend. I was part of a group of people waiting for him to be humiliated but it wound-up with him getting injured/knocked out and transferring schools. He doesn't seem to remember I was there (and neither did I, actually) and I kind of don't want to tell him so that he doesn't get mad at me/dump me... but I feel really guilty.
Submitted September 27, 2017 at 11:32PM by flyingfromheretohere http://ift.tt/2y8nvjU relationships
No comments:
Post a Comment