TIFU by Growing a Gherkin in front of in-laws tifu

This happened over last week but last night was when everything came to a head.

So my wife is French and has a rocky relationship with her Father who lives in France. She grew up in the US but can speak fluent French and English. So to help with the relationship her French father and step mom came to visit last week and we had a great time. They met our son for the first time and we did all the touristy things that one does in a big city.

Well they all speak fluent French and I have the language ability of a two year old. I was on the outside of most conversations just smiling and nodding.

Tuesday night after we put the kid to bed we are all sitting in the living room drinking wine and talking. We are three bottles in when my wife starts translating some weird relaxation stuff for her mother in-law.

Now most of my exposure to French has been in the bedroom and my wife has mastered an extremely sexy French accent. It's to the point that during sex she can say a few words and get me really going.

I am tired and tipsy and her father looks over to me and says, "Do you like ze' progressive relaxation?" with this shit eating grin on his face.

I did my best drunk translation in my head and replied, "Yeah, there are some progressives in office."

They stay for three more days and at one point I adopt the nickname le gran cornichon. I thought it was a joke about how they saw a huge jar of pickles in our refrigerator and they thought they were hilariously large and very American. Might I remind you that it is 4 days and we have gone through 13 bottles of wine in 4 nights. I'm a lightweight and drink maybe two beers a week. So I am drunk just about every night they were in town.

Yesterday, while getting in the mood with my wife I found out what the nick name really means. Each night where we drank and chatted they noticed that I would get a massive boner. I would drunkenly walk to bed with a pitched tent and sleep it off for the night. All because I couldn't handle my wine or my wife's French accent.

BTW: They were good sports about it. They were in a nudist colony years ago and apparently that's a normal thing.

TL;DR: Got raging boner around wife's father and step mom because I love the French language and earned the name Le gran Cornichon

Submitted February 23, 2016 at 07:07AM by leGranCornichon http://ift.tt/1LDkkwH tifu