21m, for what it's worth.
Stop me if you've heard this before - an extremely emotionally fragile, isolated young person, survivor of emotional abuse bordering on enslavement, who escaped all that nonsense but... Not really.
So I'm living in a new city totally on my own, going from abused NEET shut-in to stably-employed individual in about five months, and I'm basically making it, notwithstanding the fact that every single landlord and roommate I've had has fucked me over or stolen significant amounts of my money and property.
Onto this weekend:
Thursday: I get a cold and get kicked out of work. Moderately bad, but not unbearable.
Friday: my soon-to-be former landlord, a smarmy ex-drill sergeant who always carries a gun, states that since I didn't give him 30 days notice before leaving, he's throwing me into a great apartment he has some legal arrangement to occupy for the final ten days of February so he can take a prorated pile of rent money for someone else to take my old room. Against the advice of all two of my friends, I don't have the energy to argue with someone like this and just go along with it. I'm not paying anything after all. Well the arrangement is indeed legal, keycard and key and everything, but the apartment has no refrigerator or microwave or stove. Stress level rising, but I can eat pop tarts and such for a week.
Friday night: I have an extremely vivid and realistic dream about going to a paradisial medical school (I never went to college, which in itself has led to years of shame-and-anxiety spirals) and making something of myself. Then I wake up.
Saturday: I don't leave the house at all. Still in the throes of a cold, so I have skip my work's extremely recommended all-hands training seminar hosted by the VP of Operations.
Sunday: I go hiking on a mountain with my best (and only in-person) friend! It's wonderful and amazing aaaand I realize as we're driving away that I lost the key to that apartment. My friend, bless her heart forever, hikes all the way up the mountain to look for it while I cry and hyperventilate on a bench outside a national park. She doesn't find it. The leasing office is closed on Sunday; I have to skip work yet again tomorrow to get a key cut since my work hours and the office's are identical. I spend the next ten hours crying in a coffee shop while drinking wine and trying and failing to find a place to sleep that's not on my best friend's couch because I'm a fucking loser who imposes upon her too much. Eventually I fall asleep on her couch.
Monday: go to the fucking leasing office where they cut me a key NBD. Call in to work, lying that I still have a cold, and am informed that since I've been fully absent for two consecutive weekdays I need to get a doctor's note. Had I not lost the key on a beautiful activity day of happy fun with friends I would not have had to do any of this. Also, today would have been the day I got employer-sponsored health insurance, but instead, to keep my job I have to go to the ER, get charged $150 for a nurse and a PA to look at me and tell me I have a cold, and print out a word document that will save my job.
Then I look at the paperwork the hospital gives me. And I realize that on a prior visit to this same ER, several months back, I had gotten two different bills in the mail, one legitimate looking (addresses and phone numbers are all local) and one shady (PO Box return addresses in faraway states, weird looking URLs). Being extremely clever, I ignored the higher balance on the latter, thinking I'd spotted a scam. Turns out they were BOTH legitimate bills and I now owe the hospital $330 more than I thought I did, on top of the other old balance I'm still paying off, and that's not even counting today's visit. And that debt is so old it'll soon be sold to a collection agency (who'll ratchet up the balance on it by half) and ruin my barely-existent credit before I can even get to it after rent and food costs.
I have no one. I'm trying to be an adult but it's like forcing myself to crawl through broken glass. Even a minor setback usually sets me off. Today I've been sick with depression. I just want it to stop.
Submitted February 23, 2016 at 05:25AM by ReallyJustBadAtLife http://ift.tt/1oyh4xm SuicideWatch
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