New to the world of Reddit, but I find it very intriguing to say the least! I will welcome you into my much fucked up life in hopes to get others perspective. Since I can’t really speak to friends or family about what’s going on I am interested in hearing viewpoints other than the ones I’m filling my head with. I’m 48 male married for 22 years to a 48 female. Reflecting back I struggle to say she was the love of my life. She’s a very attractive woman, extremely kind hearted, loving, affectionate, giving person. The entire thing a guy should be looking for. When we first met and started being intimate things were good, pretty vanilla with a few sprinkles of crazy. Our relationship progressed quickly, within 3 months we were moving in together. I offered because I felt sorry for her. She lost her mother, was trying to stay in the same location they both shared worked two jobs and had no food in the refrigerator. That broke my heart. After we moved in together I learned of the 30k in credit card debt. I changed jobs to make more money. Busted my ass paid them off. After 4 years she gave me the ultimatum of marriage or move on. I chose marriage. We have two beautiful girls, a great home that I built, everything a man could ask for. Somewhere between girl one and girl two sex changed. One night after watching a television show she broke down sobbing and confided in me about something horrible in her past. She was molested by her Grandfather. I tried to convince her to go to Counseling but she refused. She locked it back inside put a smile back on her face a pushed on. Girl two, everything changed. She’s the try definition of a “helicopter parent” must control everything in their life. For she and I sex by my standard ended. She started sleeping with my youngest daughter to hide from me. We would flirt in the evening making dinner little whispers here and there. I would get all fired up about having sex! We would go upstairs put the girls to bed she would lay down and never come in or say so late to make sure I was asleep. This happened every night for 11 ½ years. I got to the point where I hated my youngest daughter. Which is so ridiculous because she and I have the best relationship in the house? I tried to talk to her it would last a few night but fall back to the same old routine. I would get what I call a pity fuck from time to time. Just to keep me on the hook. I own my own business. In 2008 entered into a partnership that became very lucrative. Unfortunately, my partner became a greedy prick and without going into long detail I got cash called out down to a minority owner no longer having a management voice just an employee. We had hired my best friend as a sales manager. He was awesome stupid chain of events my partner decides to fire him. Then turns around and threatens to file a lawsuit against him. My friend being scared and angry notifies ALL my other friend and family as to what’s going on and quickly I was the total outcast. Finally I had to quit my job! But that didn’t bring my friends back, they asked me to stay away. I was devastated! My parents moved a lot when I was young, never had true friend till them. I sank into depression, even started having suicidal thought. My occupation puts me in high places. Every project I kept looking for which one was tall enough to end it. Make it look like an accident for insurance purpose. I got so scared I would go through with it I changed my business focus which made me less money but kept my on the ground. I tried to talk to my wife about how I felt and got absolutely no help. She couldn’t bring herself to listen. I would openly weep to her and she would tell me to suck it up and move on. She even wanted me to get back to what I was doing! I explained to her I was becoming afraid of dying in a fall that it was just a matter of time before something will happen. She wouldn’t listen. Reading that back to myself I sound like a complete puss! Far from it I’m 6’3” 225lbs and have had more than my share of fights I never back down. I was just that broken. A buddy of mine took me to a Styx concert in 2012. While there I had a brief five minute encounter with the most beautiful woman I have ever met. Her eyes sparkled and she had the most amazing smile. I will name her Debbie. We met before the show and never crossed paths till exiting the venue. I grabbed her hand and told her she was very beautiful can I please have your phone number I would like to call her. Reluctantly she did. This is something I have never done before and really don’t understand why I did then. More surprising I called her the next day. Turns out she was married too. First conversation was pleasant, neither of us had done this before but it felt comfortable. Every day we spoke or texted usually for hours. She listened to me, when no one else did. During one of the phone conversations she said to me, wherever this thing between us is going. If it ever gets to hot or one of us has to stop seeing the other, we must agree to part ways and never speak again. I agreed thinking that was kind of a green light that she might be interested in trying more. We would see each other every once in a while for lunch we mostly talked but with more and more sexual connections. She was reading 50 Shades of Grey, as was every other woman I know except my wife. She couldn’t bring herself to read that garbage! Debbie loved them, and in a conversation she mentioned how hot it would be to read something hot and steamy that had her as the subject. Something written just for her. She wasn’t fishing for that just making a comment. I had different thought though! I started writing very graphic sex letter to her. Describing in detail thing that I wanted to do with and to her that I haven’t done to my wife. She loved them! The stories were hot, steamy romantic and very graphic. I wrote three of them. Debbie and I finally couldn’t hold out any longer. After 3 months of Phone calls, sex letters, sexting, and make out session we had to be together. We met on morning got a hotel room together, and we had some of the most mind blowing sex I have ever experienced! About two weeks later my wife came across the letters while nosing through my work shop. The shit hit the fan! I was given the order to never see, talk or text Debbie again. I agreed to that, and made the most gut wrenching call of my life to her. Through tears I told her I wasn’t allowed to contact her anymore. My wife knew who she was and promised not to speak to her husband if we agreed not to communicate. So we said our last good bye and hung up! As dumb as this might be I thought this might have been the thing to help our marriage everything that was wrong, I could get it from someone else. That’s how I played it in my head. Needless to say it didn’t. In the first 6 months my wife and I grew closer it start us talking about us. I went through counseling. She would refuse to attend. I tried to push through what I had done. Surrounded myself around men from church trying to stay clean and free from thoughts of Debbie. It wasn’t working. I started being like a stalker, I knew where she lived, and I would drive by her house just hoping she would see my truck and maybe call. I would drive through parking lot of stores near her house looking for her car. If I saw one that was the same make and model I would run into the store wishing to run into her
A year and a half passed no contact. I was miserable. I start focusing on my business and slowly it was getting better. My wife and I fell back into our same pattern of a lifeless, sexless marriage. One night I stopped at a bar for a drink with one of my employees. The place was crowded and as I sat talking to him he just so happened to move to one side and sitting at a table full of her friend was Debbie. I couldn’t speak, I almost got sick, I was having hot flashes, and I became a wreck. Guy I was talking to was concerned because my whole demeanor chanced. I couldn’t stop looking at her. I thought for sure she saw me as it turns out she had not. I was afraid to approach her with her friends around so when I left I put a not on her car. Just telling her that I have missed you if you felt the same call me with my number. To my amazement she called. We agreed to have lunch together; she wanted to put closure to this part of her life. We sat in this quit restaurant and we shared our hurts and sorrows. I never realized she needs me just as much as I needed her. And I thought that following her rule of no contact was what she wanted. We both were miserable. After a long lunch we walked out to our cars, had a polite kiss good bye and agreed we could talk again. Two years have gone by now, we can’t go a day without talking. We have an amazing relationship. Yes we have mind blowing sex that honestly lasts 3 hours. I can’t take my hands off her when I’m near her. And I can’t take my eyes off her when we are in a room together. After 1700 words my question. How do I go about ending my marriage? I know it will be hurtful and difficult I can’t expect it to be easy. Most importantly, how do I not destroy my relationship with my daughters?
Submitted January 27, 2016 at 12:20AM by bunny-clyde http://ift.tt/1K8Ljos relationship_advice
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