4yr relationship turned upside down relationships

I'm a private person and have been debating writing about this for a few days now (throw away for that reason.)

[26M] in a four year relationship with a [24F] living in the USA. To give a better perspective I've got to explain a couple things.

1. When we first met I was living with a roommate and she was still living at home.

2. Within two years I was living with her under her parents' roof. They had just bought a big two story house and I helped them move in and unpack. She did not want to move out before starting school and I didn't push it. Both of her parents were welcoming and actually wanted me to move in. It was a great chance for me to work, save money, and start school as well so I didn't turn it down.

3. By the time fall came around her mother had completely changed gears and resented me. It was so bad that I had to remove myself from the rest of the house anytime she came out of her room to avoid pissing her off. She absolutely did not like me being there. I had to buy my own refrigerator and she would not let me use the kitchen or any other "family" items. Incase you didn't catch that, I'm not family to her. My SO supported me through this whole ordeal and tried to mediate between her mother and I since she would not talk to me.

4. The day before thanksgiving her mom kicked me out of the house. Luckily I had already been planning on moving out around that time. I got all my stuff (not much) and moved to my new place in a shitty neighborhood on thanksgiving day. I lived here for a year paycheck to paycheck by myself while my SO still lived at home holding a part time job and not starting school. My SO and I got together often and it was the one thing I had to look forward to every week.

5. This past November I moved out of that crap place and into a nice two bedroom apartment on a great side of town with a friend and his SO of similar age.

This is where I believe all relevant information began that led up to the happenings of a few days ago:

I picked up a second job thus totaling 70hrs a week on average. I was working almost every day. My SO had also found a better job with more hours and leased a brand new Jeep.

We had been talking about getting engaged and finding a house together. The Jeep took me by surprise as my SO doesn't pay living expenses at all. We had several talks about this and her ability to afford it if we moved into our own house, but she basically said that she doesn't want a used car because she wouldn't feel safe in it and doesn't want to worry about the car breaking down.

For the past few months she has been distant. She admitted to me that she was very jealous that I was spending so much time with my roommates and that we didn't do any exotic dates anymore. I admitted freely that the two jobs were weighing down my energy and I honestly just wanted to catch a movie, have dinner, and relax. I wasn't intentionally spending a lot of time with my roommates, but seeing as I live with them it was easy to plan and do stuff whenever. She understood and we both went about things as usual.

This past week one of my SO's dogs had to be euthanized. He became ill fast and she found out he had stomach cancer. Within three days of being diagnosed he was put down. She had raised him from a pup and was a big member of their family. I felt the loss too. The next day I was at my 2nd job and had a big disagreement with one of my boses and quit. I tried talking to her on the phone and tried to comfort her. I told her I quit my 2nd job and she didn't seem to care (I understand.) When she didn't try talking with me I resulted to texting her and she didn't respond. I took that to mean she wanted to be alone with her family for a while so I didn't push it. I continued to text her with no reply. On that Sunday my roommate took me out to a movie and game to clear my head. I kept her up to date through text.

The next day I'm at work three hours into a twelve hour shift and my SO calls me and says "we need to talk." I immediately brace for the worst and we agree to meet that evening. I called her a half hour later explaining that I can't be at work all day wondering what's going on and that I needed some kind of explanation now. She gives it to me. She blew up on the phone telling me how I should have called and checked on her and that I should have come over to her parents house to see her. I said I tried texting and never got a answer back and that I didn't realize she wanted to see me. She said I need to get over the way her mother treated me and should have come over and comforted her regardless of her mom wanting me there or not. I broke down and asked for a replacement so I could go home. Later that evening I called my super and had him cover my shift the next day as well. I wouldn't have been any use at work.

Later that evening I drive to where we agreed to meet up. I texted her and said I'm in the area and just tell me where to meet her. She replied "just go home." I tried to call and she didn't answer. I texted and got no reply. 15 minutes later I headed back home. She called when I was halfway home and said I can leave her stuff on her porch. I'm in full WTF/breakdown mode and have no idea what's going to happen. I begged her to meet with me. She said maybe later this week. I tried to get some clarity. She wasn't even sad. She said she wasn't and that this is best. The rest of that night was a blurr , but there was no communication between us. The next day I'm at lunch with a friend trying to get some outside advice and she calls me. She asked why I wasn't at work and if we could meet up later so we did.

When she came over to my apartment she was apologetic for some of the things she said the day before. We talked for three hours and I got some clarity and clarified a few things for her as well. She said that she felt let down, that I should have been there for her, not just texting. I get that and admit my mistake and promised that I wouldn't let her down again. She said that she still loved me and hasn't been 100%. She stopped taking her anxiety meds for three days and hasn't eaten in two days. She said she doesn't want me revolving my life around her and doesn't want me to hold myself back from doing the things I want to do in life.

The next day we had another lengthy conversation over the phone. She said she felt that the spark in our relationship was not there. She had felt that way since I last moved and that the culmination of everything over the past few days was the end.

At present: We are back together, but we have a lot to work and think about together. She's giving me another chance to prove that I care for her as much as I say I do.

I really do love this girl and I want to be with her for the rest of my life. I also realize that seeking outside advice may be the healthiest thing I can do for our relationship at this point. I know what we had we can't get back. Our trust in each other has been dealt a huge blow but I'm determined to get it back and she has said she feels the same.

Now, my judgement may be clouded despite how honest I'm trying to be with myself and her, but I have to ask if I'm going about this the right way. Is our trust beyond repair? Will we ever be able to move past this? Are either of us overracting? Is there anything I can do to better our current situation and relationship going forward (other than what I've said?)

tl;dr SO and I broke up after a four year relationship. She said the spark is gone. I'm determined to get it back. We're back together for now, but I'd like some outside advice on how I handled this and if our trust can be repaired and our relationship continue with improvements.

Thanks Reddit.

Submitted January 29, 2016 at 01:52AM by Ckotdthrowaway http://ift.tt/1QvLV7d relationships