Hey everyone, Thanks for taking the time to read this I know it's a bit lengthy (sorry!)
I'm posting because I need assistance. I need help getting out of an extremely abusive and toxic situation, I have copy and pasted text from a couple of posts I made about whats going on below. I don't like asking for help but I don't have any other options at this point.
General location : North Carolina.
I have set up a gofundme page and am going to include the link for that here
Post #1 Title : I think it's time to cut my family out of my life.
I have been thinking about it for a few years and I think they have finally pushed me to my limit. Some history / Backstory. I was adopted - not in the usual way either, my adoptive mother was married to my Biological father. My father had an affair and I am the product of said affair. My fathers wife at the time ( my adoptive mother) decided to adopt me when my biological mother put me up for adoption. I think she did this as a last ditch effort to keep my father around (didn't work) I have always been treated differently - favor was shown to the biological children I was a black sheep and a scapegoat. I suffered sexual and physical abuse for more than 10 years at the hands of her boyfriends and even one step brother. I kept all of that to myself because I felt like it was my fault, even to this day ( I'm 23 now) I have nightmares and weird quirks even depression and suicidal thoughts due to years of abuse. I got away and moved to Oregon for awhile, I was doing great! I had a place and a job, I wasn't depressed or suicidal (nearly as often) it still snuck up on me occasionally. I got a call a little over a year ago about my father. I was told that he was very sick and that he needed help - I had only seen my father once or twice in my life since I was 4 years old- but I still loved him because he was my father. I quit my job packed up my things and moved home to be with him. He passed away shortly after I arrived, I was planning to move back to Oregon but my Grandfather become ill and my Grandmother wasn't able to care for him, because she had fallen down and had a broken leg. I agreed to move in with them for awhile and take care of them and keep up with the house and yard work as well as grocery shopping and taking them to and from appointments. after about 4 months my grandfather passed away. None of my other family members ever offered to help me or my grandparents in any way and still to this day won't do anything to help. I have stayed after my grandfathers passing to care for my grandmother, she is mostly blind and deaf and wouldn't be able to live on her own.
the current problems start here : I have been here awhile and since moving back I have met someone and we have been dating a little over 6 months, occasionally I will go and spend time with him and this absolutely pisses my grandmother off for some reason. I get home after spending a few hours with him and every single time she has gone through my packed boxes of things and leaves nasty notes on my desk telling me that I need to get my shit and leave if I don't do things her way. She doesn't want me leaving the house, she gets pissed if I tell her I need to go out to apply for jobs she gets pissed because I don't yet have a job here other than some freelance work that I do. No matter what I'm doing if it's not all about her she hates it she threatens me and tells me I need to get the fuck out. I am so stressed out and depressed I have thoughts of suicide on a daily basis. The fact is she can't live alone she would die she leaves the oven and stove on she tries to eat food that has been in the refrigerator for like 2 years and has expired. Nobody will help me with her, They won't come over and sit with her while I try to find work they constantly talk about me and how shitty I am, how ugly I am, how stupid I am, that Im not worth anything because I don't have a job. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to leave my grandmother alone, but the constant fear of being kicked out and ending up homeless and stuck here with nothing is just way too much stress. I should add that I did have savings when I moved here, more than enough to support myself for at least a year without work and maybe to take care of an emergency if one were to arise it was cash saving that I had tucked away in the room I am using here at my grandmothers. My sister and her boyfriend stole it along with some electronics and other valuables while I was gone for a day. So now I have nothing and nowhere to go. I don't know what to do. TLDR: family is abusing me emotionally to the point I think about killing myself daily. I don't know if I should just leave, cut all contact and try to rebuild my life or stick around and help them in their time of need.
Post #2 Title: I think I might kill myself tonight.
I'm exhausted and I just can't pretend I'm okay anymore. I have thought about killing myself everyday for years and every time I had these thoughts I would cry because I didn't really want to die, but tonight I didn't cry because I'm ready now. Edit: Thanks for all of the kind and uplifting replies, I wanted to reply / update this just so nobody thinks I'm dead. I have a wonderful boyfriend that saw my post and helped me get through the night and spent the day with me to make sure I was okay. I am fine and thank you all so much for being so kind.
Again, Thank you for taking the time to read this.
Submitted January 27, 2016 at 11:18PM by DarthEnigma http://ift.tt/1KFA8P0 Assistance
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