Throwaway account here. My wife and I have been married for almost 10 years. We have two kids. We've had ups and downs but overall pretty typical relationship. I almost feel silly posting this, but it's bugged me all day and I just want to know what others think.
So this morning we all get up, eat breakfast, I play with my son while my wife and daughter pick up groceries. They get back, we sort groceries, and I start doing the dishes. Around this time I start feeling sick – sore all over, headache, slight chills. I tell my wife and she suggests I take something. It's nap time though so we help the kids nap.
I get my son to sleep but feel even worse. Eventually the kids wake up and my wife asks me what we're doing for the rest of the day. I tell her I don't feel well, so I don't know. Not long after she asks again and I tell her the same thing. She scoffs and I realize she hasn't asked me how I feel or suggest I lay down or anything. I get some water from the refrigerator and suddenly feel nauseous so I lay down on the living room couch. I feel awful.
I'm there for maybe 30 minutes or so – during which my wife is with the kids. She finally comes in and asks if I'm okay. I tell her I'm sick but okay and she says "Well you just left me with the kids" and walks away. I feel hurt at this point. And, you know, sick. I text her since I don't have the energy to move and tell her I don't know what the deal is but that she's being rude, that I can barely even move, that this isn't how people treat the ones they love (maybe this was an overreaction? I genuinely felt like she didn't care one bit how I felt).
So here's what she texted back and where the conversation went from there:
Her: Okay I can't baby you too. I'm trying to be productive and you just left me with them. Okay you feel bad but at least have the niceness to say something. I wouldn't do that to you.
Me: Can't believe Im having to defend myself right now. I am sick. I felt dizzy and nauseous so laid down.. in the living room. It's not like I got in the car and drove away. I haven't asked anything of you.
Her: You're not defending yourself. You asked me what my "deal" was so I told you how I felt. That's all. Up to you how you feel about that. I'm not mad or whatever. I said what I meant before. I'm fine.
Me: I don't feel like you care that I'm sick. You kept asking what we were going to do this evening and seemed upset when I told you I felt bad. Then you said I left you with the kids and wasn't being nice to you...?!
Her: *Sorry you feel that way because it's not true. And there's nothing wrong with how I felt. And you asked. *
... this goes back and forth for awhile til I realize I'm not getting a sincere apology from her (she was sorry I felt a way, not sorry for anything she did). This whole thing makes no sense to me – like, how does me being sick and feeling like my wife could care less turn into a scenario where I should be the one apologizing?
Another thing that's bothered me lately is something my wife said not too long ago – that she's "not responsible for my feelings." While I understand this in a certain context, that doesn't mean she's not responsible for her actions. There have been many times when all I wanted was to hear her say "sorry" but never got it, so this just seems wrong to me.
Anyways, I don't know if I'm just sensitive from feeling so sick or if I should say something more to my wife. As I said earlier, I'm hurt, and even if she was upset about having to watch the kids alone that doesn't mean she can stomp all over my feelings only to then blame me for stuff. Right??
TL;DR – Was sick today and wife seemed nothing but annoyed about it. When I told her how I felt she got defensive and rude only to never apologize and say it's up to me how I feel about that. I don't know if I'm just being sensitive about all of this. I feel like shit though.
Submitted September 03, 2017 at 08:40AM by tossaside12345678 http://ift.tt/2vB6bTQ relationships
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