<p>hello all, I'm a 37 year old, live in the netherlands, and I'm in a 2 years relationship with a women (33). We started dating in the summer and in the winter when I got my home we pretty much moved in right away. Since meeting each other we have never spend more then 2 days away from each other. We care for each other but I don't feel like the love is there anymore.</p> <p> Ill first write some stuff how I see myself and then how I see my girlfriend. I'm 37, i'm a thinker, black and white, day dreamer. I have always lived in side my head and its been both a curse and a dream. When growing up I never had trouble fitting in because if i felt like a group did not like me I just moved on. On my own was fine by me. from 14 to 24 I used to hang with a close knit group and we all knew everything from each other basically. A few years back when giving up my job and getting a regular job I broke with that group or they broke with me. I'm not sure. That's in the past though, my point is I don't have many friends. None to be exact but my current girlfriend who knows everything about me as well as I have a good bond with my parents. I tell them most if not all of my life. I'm pretty sure they have a good view on who I am as a person. So does my girlfriend. I'm a hard worker, or try to be. Currently a truck driver who installs washing machines and refrigerators. Other than meeting various people which I do enjoy I get little enjoyment out of it. I see it as a place to get some "working" years on my belt and am planning to hopefully soonish get something I really enjoy.</p> My girlfriend comes from a broken home. Her dad was a tough bastard for her growing up. From what I know her mom's a feminist in all but deed. Once my gf's parents split up her mom used up all her pent up feelings to start dating anything with a cock. The one she chose to stay with has diabetes, half a cripple, and can hardly see. In my mind she chose the weakest man she could find. Her dad is an old school farmer that pretty much says what's ever on his mind. I like it when our little dog dominates the household... you know if a playful way. It doesn't shit anywhere and with some coercing it gets in her pen but I find it very amusing when a dog, especially a cairn terrier, talks back to me. Like the little fucker has anything to say about it ;) This would get translated in my father in law's mind to not having a backbone. I'm okay with that. <p> Now my girlfriend is, like we all are, a mixture of both these individuals. I come from a pretty happy home, when the mom takes care of the kids and the dad provides. Except they both provided that. But my mom is one of those old school moms. They chose to be parents. That's a distinction not a lot of people make imo. You chose to have children. They are not something you should get because its time or because everyone else is having them. My mom as well as my dad wanted children. </p> <p> Now i didnt have a real girlfriend until I was 27, my girlfriend has had a boyfriend since 13, maybe 14? She comes from a BDSM background and from what she told me in the beginning she has done it all, with the pinnacle being vacuum sealing her ex up in a latex suit. Before I was 27, i was a very romantic, hopeful, loving guy. I used to watch romantic comedies and dream I would end up with someone like that. I didnt. My first girlfriend strung me along for 6 months and in the end I found out she cheated on me. In hindsight i'm grown up enough to say it broke something inside me. My dick was fine though, it even got hard as she would explain how she cheated on the phone to me. It became an obsession. Enough that I actually began dating women with the hope of them cheating on me. In but deed I was a cuckold. You know what's strange? Even though we all see numbers about women cheating on their boyfriends not a single women will admit to sometimes dreaming about another guy! Let alone sleeping with one. Okay. </p> So I found my gf. We hardly matched in any of our thinking about everyday life. Me being old school raised and her experiencing all that she encountered. Except for sex. Within the first week she cuckolded me (Twice!) with the promise of much more to come. I was confused sure, but excited I had found someone to experience this with. From 27, I was alone and seeking experiences without much luck. (I even visited a gay sauna to see what that was like!) But I had found someone at last to enjoy it together! My mind boggled with what was to come. But there never came another experience. We met in July. And in December we moved in, 3 days after I got my first home. We had a our little fits and fights as I'm sure most couples do when they first get together. How to decorate, who was making diner, who cleaned what. I changed a lot during those first few months. I went from a pretty radical guy who would never clean or cook to a pretty modern guy who does all that, and even does it better then my gf. (Her words) So I changed a lot. But she did too. Enjoyment for me comes, like i'm sure for most of you, out of simple things. A game, a series on netflix, a good movie on a weekday. Some food, a lot of food. Occasional walk with the dog! Stuff like that. I don't need expensive jelewery or clothes that cost an arm and a leg so you can have a big corps name on it. I'm pretty sure she fell in love with my way of living. Because she became me. After we came home from work (She has her own studio and it's her life. Its her baby. If she had to choose one thing in this life it would be her work. And no it isn't curing cancer.) we would throw on Netflix, I'd get behind my computer start up a game and we would just enjoy ourselves. Making snide remarks about stuff on TV or some shit. Her with a glass of wine and me with a joint. Every now and then I would comment, when shall we try to arrange another hook up or do some adventuring? Soonish(tm) became the standard reply. We are now 2 years on and that something is yet to come. Her drinking wine, me smoking a joint has become our life. And she's fine with that. We have discussed kids, but from my point of view I don't want any with the way she is currently. Too much into her work, her hours are set 9 to 5, she would never take a step back if we were to have children. And in the end that's what we both would need to do if you want to raise a child with love and kindness. I just don't see her being the loving caring person that a mom needs to be! And judge me all you want but I can see that from myself. I can be that person. But when I look around me, at the kids raised by their father, they seek love for the rest of their lives. I want kids but with a women who can be that mom. I have told her as much but all she can reply is how I want to change her. Give up her job, be a sit at home mom. And it's not that. I want to see in your eyes that you would do anything to be there for the kid. But I just don't see that. I'm the heart in our relationship. I will remember to bring home those cookies she so enjoys. I remember she's out of cigarettes. I'm the one rubbing her back. She's a real business women though, i'll give her that. Her business is really going places if she does commit to it.
tl;dr: But in the end, and i'll make it short, it's a rather long incoherent post to be sure, i'm the one who wants change. Either I want a 2 person relationship where she can focus her energy into making the most of her work and we have a little adventure on the side (Her pref with another man) Or we change enough that we can be a real family with an actual kid but then i'm all out of the cuckolding game. Her pref version would be: I work 3 to 4 days a week, she focuses exclusively on her job and I would be the house dad. We keep things as they are. Maybe one day she decides to get something on the side. We are currently in our 2 week vacation and I have reached a breaking point. Now she wants me to give up smoking pot. But to be honest I'm sure if I can keep my sanity if we just keep following our normal routine. I guess in the end I'm just not happy. Even though I should be seeing as I have everything a normal person would want. Please give me your insights. Thank you.
Submitted August 04, 2017 at 05:55PM by Archolm http://ift.tt/2vyNMXz relationships
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