I'm a 26-year-old professional living in a 2 bedroom / 1 bathroom duplex with one other male about my age, who happens to be a friend of mine from years back. I've been living in this duplex for going on 2 years now, and he moved in about 9 months ago when my old roommate moved away. While we certainly aren't super close, we get along well and have no problems being in the same room or hanging out.
I by no means am a clean freak and most people would probably consider my room messy, however, I live by the idea that when living with other people, common areas should be tidy-ish. To me, that means few dishes left in the sink, no moldy leftovers in the refrigerator, and a relatively clean bathroom. I don't expect that dishes be washed as soon as they're dirty, that the toilet bowl be sparkling clean, or set any kind of cleaning schedules. We're adults with lives of our own, I'm not his keeper and he's not mine. I do my part, and I expect my roommates to do the same.
So here's the problem: my current roommate does not live with these same ideas. He doesn't do dishes with any sort of frequency (though certainly makes his share of dishes), has never once cleaned the bathroom, doesn't take out the trash, and doesn't clean out his leftovers from the fridge. I understand that not everyone has the same priorities with regards to cleaning, so have just let it go.
As a result of recent events, I now spend more time at my house (was previously out of town nearly every weekend for work), and now the state of my house is starting to affect my mood. I dread coming home because I know it's going to be a mess; I hate cooking because there isn't room in the sink to clean up my dishes or the dishes I need are already in the sink covered in grime and old food; I don't want to bring friends or my girlfriend over because my house is embarrassingly dirty.
I've opened dialogues over having cleaning days that were met with "yeah, totally" and then when the time comes I'm the only one cleaning. I've gone out of my way to recognize him when he does clean, thanking him and showing genuine appreciation. None of it translated into any kind of regular cleaning, and now I've resorted to just passive-aggressively only cleaning the dishes I make and leaving his messes to him. But this has only backfired, as he doesn't seem to notice or care, and the only person it seems to affect in the end is me. It's been two weeks of me not cleaning up after him, he's had two 3-day weekends to clean up the messes that he has left in the house, yet he made no attempt or mention of the messes and instead cloistered himself in his room.
I know that I'm not the only one who's gone through this, and I'm sure that many of you have advice on how to rectify the situation in a positive way. So, how do I constructively and respectfully bring up that the current state of the house is negatively affecting me and that I'm doing everything I can and need him to take responsibility and help out?
Submitted May 19, 2017 at 10:52AM by puggington http://ift.tt/2pRpOnO Advice
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