Three men have just died and are all trying to gain entrance into Heaven. A series of events have taken place recently causing heaven to be a little bit over capacity (Probably Trump getting elected). St. Peter has been assigned with the job of limiting the number of people entering at his discretion. Ol' Peter being the disciple he is informs the three gentlemen of the current condition and tells them "Who he so has died the most comical demise shall gain entrance to the Holy Kingdom." The three men nod in agreement and decide an order to tell the story of their death.
Man 1- "I live on the second story of an apartment. More recently I've been working a graveyard shift and not coming home until about 10 A.M. With recent change in shift, my wife has been acting rather strange and I've suspected her of cheating on me. I enter the house after my shift was cut short to hear her moaning over in the bedroom. Fortunately, she hadn't heard me enter so I was able to sneak off to the living room and grab the gun off the wall. To my surprise I find only her in the bed. Something isn't right. I look to the window to see it open and a pair of hands gripping the trim of the frame. My immediate reaction is to run over and start banging the hell out of this mans hands. The fucking guy will not let go. For a cheating piece of shit he sure wants to hold onto my window. I leave and come back with hammer and proceed to beat this bastards hands in. Finally he lets go. Crashes through a canopy and lands in some bushes. Of course he still alive. Im in a fit at this point. I run the the kitchen and think 'I'm going to drop a fridge on this prick'. So here I am dragging this heavy ass fridge to the bedroom using all of my rage fueled strength to push it out the window and drop it on this guy. With my garbage ass luck, the cord wraps around my ankle and takes me down with it and lands flat on top of me."
Man 2- "That is a real interesting story buddy. Ya see, I live on the third story of this apartment and it was a beautiful morning. I'm talking birds chirping, not a cloud in the sky, BEAUTIFUL sunny morning. Say about 8 A.M. I go to soak some of this beauty in by opening up the window and leaning out to catch some fresh air. Some fucking how I loose my footing and fall out of the window only to be saved by this window seal below me. Next thing I know some fucking maniac comes over and starts beating on my hands. This guys isn't just hitting he's beating them with the rage of a hundred gorillas. Dude finally stops. I'm about to craw back up inside. NOPE. Comes at me with a fucking hammer and breaks my hands. So I fall through a canopy and down into some bushes. somehow still alive. Next thing I see is a man and a damn refrigerator falling to crush me."
Man 3- "Oh shit... I've been laying pipe on ol' dudes wife for a bit now. I guess he came home early and I heard him cocking a gun so I ran and hid in his fridge."
Submitted May 11, 2016 at 02:06AM by Erectylereptile http://ift.tt/1WZ1b0g Jokes
No comments:
Post a Comment