Hey PF! Avid/regular reader and would love some advice on my situation, particularly those also with immigrant parents.
TLDR below (see bold)
My parents and I have always had a rocky relationship, and the main thing of our recent contentions has been money. They have been in debt for 10+ years, and throughout this cycle of perpetually borrowing to stay "afloat" in their finances ($1000+ deficit in money expenses), they've always said "in a couple months on [this date] we'll be better off" -- which is usually when a major loan will be paid off.
Despite the reassuring statements, they've been in more or less the same state all this time, and lately, I've pointed it out to them that it has been this long that they say "it will get better". My mom is the more rational of the two, and she never gives a straight response when I do say this. Because of their financial habits over the years (initially not their fault, but now spiraled into terrible decisions), my diabetic and aging dad, who is now almost 60, has resorted to not paying for needed health costs. They're the reason why I'm so careful with my money now, and lately, they've asked my broke college brother to take out a student loan for them.
I've tried to reason with them before about how they need to cut out costs from their monthly expenses, but they just don't (mainly my stubborn dad's doing). For example, they have a big dog which they shouldn't have gotten in the first place, 2 refrigerators (who needs 2?!), drive a Lexus, and are renting a 3BR house (we've both moved out now). Previously we were living in a house for 2 years which caused us to be $1000 short every single month.
Their narrative is that they've always wanted their children to live comfortably, and they view it as a symbol that they're failing (which they clearly are) if cutting back costs is even mentioned.
Any time I bring up the severity of their money issues, my dad now gets angry and tells me to mind my own business. He's now extremely frail (health has deteriorated, extremely stressful work), so he's hard to argue with, plus he's even more stubborn than before.
According to my brother, they're now $2000 under every month for the next 3 months, which they said they're going to have to "tough through" again -- which I think is a total victim mentality. I love my parents but I'm perpetually frustrated by their poor financial decisions and refuse to help them out by giving them cash (I'm financially comfortable these days).
PF, how do I help my parents out that will cause the least amount of frustration for both myself and my parents? Summary of issues below. Thanks so much! :)
- dad is extremely stubborn and hard to reason with + failing health
- no retirement plan (dad says he will work til he dies, and will rely on Social Security when eligible)
- immigrant mentality ("save face" and look like we're constantly living well, duty to have children live comfortably)
- explosive arguments any time money is brought up -> estranges relations (only for short-term though)
A friend suggested I have a financial advisor to talk to my parents (which I'm totally willing to pay for), but I'm afraid my dad will take it the wrong way and refuse to listen to a "stranger", even if they're of the same ethnicity (immigrant mentality). I could be wrong about this, though.
Submitted September 23, 2015 at 09:00AM by throwawaywonseungee http://ift.tt/1LMRI3e personalfinance
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