I [28F] don't enjoy being around my niece [4F] and don't know what to do. relationships

I have never been very good with kids, and I don't know where to start.

My niece has tons of awesome qualities. She is super smart, loves jokes, has a heart of gold. I could spend hours telling you all the great stuff she does, I have a refrigerator full of her artwork, etc. The thing is even though I can identify all these great qualities she has and tell you she has them, I can't enjoy them.

The only problem is, I don't enjoy being around her. When the adults are having a conversation and she comes to show me her picture, I find myself feeling annoyed inside. I always hated the "children should be seen, not heard" thing but any time she makes noise, whether it's singing or trying to announce something to the room, I just wish she'd be quiet. When she holds a door open for someone half a block away I don't think "look how nice she is!" I think "hurry up" and feel annoyed. When we take her shopping or to a movie I secretly find myself thinking 'this would be easier' or 'this would be better' if she weren't there.

I know I probably sound like a jerk. I swear I'm not intentionally disliking her - I just don't know how to like her. I always thought if I spent more time with her it would get better, but no matter how much one-on-one time I have her for, it doesn't seem to improve.

I also seem to feel this way about all kids, not just her. But when I expressed not liking kids as a teenager everyone said "wait until you're older" or "wait until the kids are family." It's been a decade, and there are kids in the family (my niece being the closest) and I still haven't figured it out.

Is this just a mentality that some people have? Is there something I can do to "change" it? I want to enjoy being around her, but I don't know how. I even sit there thinking to myself "what are all the good qualities I can name about her" trying to calm myself down and see all her great traits, but while I make my mental list I get interrupted by my own feelings of annoyance by her doing perfectly normal kid stuff, usually things everyone else loves.

tl;dr: I don't enjoy being around my niece. I can tell you all the ways she's awesome, but I don't enjoy those things myself. I want to, but I don't know how. What can I do to change how I feel?

Submitted September 23, 2015 at 07:38AM by havetolovefamily http://ift.tt/1LMLu3o relationships