New Rules for Heaven Jokes

One day God decides to change the rules to get into heaven. He approaches St. Peter and says: " From now on, the only way to get into heaven is for someone to die in an interesting way, I'll leave it to you to figure out what fits." "OK... got it." says St. Peter

The first day the new policy is in place St Peter explains the rule to the first guy who begins to tell his tale: "St Peter, I'm a devoted husband, I love my wife but I could have been more attentive. One day I decide to surprise her at home early with some flowers. I walk in our bedroom to find her naked, the sheets a mess and a look of surprise on her face." Intrigued, St. Peter asked him to continue... "So, I go nuts, I start breaking things, yelling, crying, demanding to know where the man is. Suddenly I find him. He's holding onto the edge of our sixth floor apartment's balcony. I go over, shouting at him and stomping on his fingers. He pleads with me and yells back but he falls, all the way down. But he lands in some hedge bushes and LIVES. Well, I'm so upset and enraged I go to the kitchen. I lift the REFRIGERATOR up, and throw it over the balcony. The fridge lands on him and kills him. The rush was too much for my heart, I have a heart attack and die..." St. Peter, surprised at the story saw no problem at letting the man in Heaven.

As the day goes on St Peter hears more stories, some good, some bad. Then quite unexpectedly he hears one that catches his attention... "Well St. Peter, I work out a lot, and take fitness seriously. One day I'm running on my treadmill in my apartment. I work up a good sweat and felt pretty good. Suddenly my treadmill starts speeding up. Panicked, I slip. I tumble backwards, over my balcony. By the grace of God I manage to grab onto the balcony beneath me. THEN OUT OF NOWHERE this fat asshole starts screaming at me, stamping on my fingers and calling me a all sorts of names. I lose my grip and fall all the way down to the ground. By some great fortune I live... then a goddamn REFRIGERATOR falls on me...." St. Peter, mouth agape at the incredible coincidence, decides the man has earned his entry and lets him on his way.

The day winds down and St Peter sees off the last of those eager to enter the Pearly Gates. Just as hes about to shut down for the day one last soul arrives. After a quick explanation of the new policy, the man gets a big, wide grin across his face. " OK St. Peter, are you ready for this? I'm naked, right? and hiding in a refrigerator..."

Submitted February 27, 2017 at 12:09AM by PixelPowerYT http://ift.tt/2lUnskQ Jokes