Customer Service nosleep

I have two post-it notes to add to the bowl tonight. One green and one yellow. It's still been months since I have pulled a red note.

The green one says "John O / 123 West st / called me useless / argued store hours." I fold it in half and place him on top of the pile of folded notes. Essentially, he gave me the dogshit treatment. When his note comes up, I will return the favor by leaving dogshit in his car door handles. Maybe some extra smeared under the windshield wipers and into the intake vents. That lovely fragrance of dog excrement will inundate the car for weeks.

Green notes are easy. They keep me alive. most of my notes in this bowl are green. Sometimes I will scratch "CUNT" or "BITCH" into a car door. Maybe I'll be creative and spray paint giant, veiny ejaculating dicks on the garage door. Lately, I have been using my dog's droppings in newspapers, mail slots and other unpleasant places.

It never ceases to amaze me how many people treat customer facing employees like complete garbage. As if they are somehow better than us common peasants because they never had to do real work for a living.

The yellow note says "Tiffany M / 234 Elm St / cut in line / no receipt wanted cash back / called me idiot / demanded manager." I fold it in half and place her on the pile.

Yellow notes are special. Those are the people that went out of their way to piss me off. I look at the note and ponder what will cross my mind the night I pull it back out. Perhaps I will cut their brake line. Maybe I will spray some gasoline on their lawn spelling out, "ASSHOLE" and light it up. Then again, I could always leave a macabre display of dead animals on their porch. The possibilities are endless.

I dive my left hand into the bowl and swish the notes around. I look up at the ceiling to keep from cheating.

At this point I always wonder how stupid these people are. Don't they know that when I service them, I have access to their names, their phone numbers, their addresses? Do they ever think for one second who the person is that they are dealing with? Don't they know this is one of the few jobs people like me can get these days?

I grab a note at random and pull it out. I look down and see a red note in my hand. It's one of three red notes left in the bowl. I flip it open and see the name "Mary A / 345 maple" I don't need a reminder note on the red ones.

Mary was a fraud. Mary demanded free product because the packaging was damaged; packaging that was just fine when I packed it out on the shelf not 45 minutes prior. Mary insisted on talking to the supervisor. Mary complained to corporate when we wouldn't give her free stuff. Mary named me in particular when she wrote a nasty email to our corporate hotline. Mary cost me a job position I applied for, because corporate did not like such an awful customer escalation attached to one of their applicants. Mary was given a gift credit from the district manager and a typed apology from my supervisor as well as myself.

I put the red note in my mouth and chew it until it is a pulpy mess. I swallow Mary's note and make my way to the closet. Not the refrigerator filled with bags of my dog's shit. Not my toolkit with the awl, hammer and wire cutters. I go to the closet which holds my suitcase. I unzip the suitcase and chose the meat cleaver and a paring knife. For backup I grab my .22 and the taser.

I have been waiting to pull Mary's note for a long time. I have needed a night like this for a while. Long and messy. I close the store tomorrow so I have plenty of time to speak with Mary tonight.

I always sleep like a baby when I complete a red note.

All becomes right in the world.

Submitted February 22, 2017 at 07:58AM by bherb76 http://ift.tt/2ltgBMX nosleep